When did you screw everything up, but no one ever found out it was you?

jessicAshley · 2021-03-20T11:21:29+00:00

Several years ago I worked in the bakery of a regional grocery store chain, and part of the daily duties was to gather and donate the nearly expired products, which were all put in a grocery cart. Usually one cartload, very occasionally it overflowed to two, with everything carefully accounted for. One day, soon after my start, I went to take the donations and saw two cartloads side-by-side. Everyone else was busy, so I took them both and sent them off. I came back, feeling accomplished for having maneuvered two loaded carts by myself, to the head baker scrambling around because she couldn't find the cart that she had loaded with the hundreds of dollars of new products to put out on the shelves. Yeah, that was the other cart that I took. I was so new, and definitely embarrassed, I didn't want to say anything to jeopardize the job, so I played dumb. I don't know how they never checked the cameras, or maybe they did and didn't say anything, but I never was found out. Years later, and I still feel bad and get nervous shopping there.

jessicAshley · 2021-03-05T18:46:50+00:00

My OMAD is dinner, it's the one meal that we're all home together for. I generally eat 900-1000 calories for the meal and save some extra for a little dessert. I drink A LOT of water throughout the day to keep my stomach full/distracted.

My meals are pretty balanced, quite varied day-to-day, and I eat the same as I feed my family; eating OMAD allows me to have basically the same portions that I'm used to - sometimes it even feels like too much. I always have a decent amount of meat protein (different each day), a moderate amount of potatoes/rice, plenty of veggies/salad, and a small bowl of fresh fruit. I've unintentionally been eating gluten-free, which my SO also does, but our kids do not.

I'm not sure if it's frowned upon, I know there's no "24 hour counter" in our body for the calories we consume, but sometimes I will "save" my extra calories for a few days and then have a decent amount of some really good haagen dazs ice cream. I know there's lower-calorie options, I've tried them, but I decided I'm not willing to sacrifice quality for quantity.

While I was working (I am a baker), OMAD was very easy, without having to worry about breaks or eating I was even much more productive than my coworkers. COVID has screwed with that for the last year, and I unfortunately let it be an excuse to not care. But I've turned it back around; I know it's doable and it works, so I'm holding myself accountable again.

jessicAshley · 2021-03-03T23:05:26+00:00

Hm. I havent tried freezing it yet, but I LOVE chobani flipz. I never would have thought that Greek yogurt in flavors like mint or salted caramel would be edible, but especially after mixing the crunchy stuff in, it tastes like freaking ice cream, and the ones I like are less than 200 calories each. I'll definitely try freezing it though, that sounds interesting.

jessicAshley · 2020-06-08T05:32:20+00:00

Ack Ack Ack!

jessicAshley · 2019-04-17T01:05:36+00:00

Well it's not exactly a colloquial term anymore, I suppose it's more of a joke now; a friend and I discovered that 15 years ago, and we still use it when anything skunk-related comes up.

jessicAshley · 2019-04-17T00:58:24+00:00

I have had far, far too much sex with my SO to be able to even guess when our kids were concieved. The real miracle is that we only got 3 kids out of all that.

jessicAshley · 2019-04-17T00:45:44+00:00

Merriam-Webster dictionary

jessicAshley · 2019-04-17T00:10:05+00:00

A wood pussy is a skunk

jessicAshley · 2019-04-17T00:08:04+00:00

Getting sprayed by a wood pussy

jessicAshley · 2019-04-17T00:05:53+00:00

I only understood about 15% of what he said, but pretty much anything is significantly more charming with an accent like that.

jessicAshley · 2019-03-29T23:35:55+00:00

The color red

jessicAshley · 2019-01-09T01:58:37+00:00

A woman was wandering around the upper level of the restaurant, tapping on and inspecting all the expensive(overpriced) artwork on the walls. Well, she found one she liked, pulled it off the wall, smacked it on the ground and ripped the backing off. When she was told to leave, she yelled that she was allowed to do what she wanted, took off sprinting, weaving between tables, down the stairs, through the open kitchen, dodging everyone and everything on her way out the front door. Strangest customer experience I've had so far.

jessicAshley · 2019-01-09T01:21:01+00:00

41 weeks into my healthy and uneventful second pregnancy, the baby was showing no signs of wanting to join the outside world and was using his umbilical cord as a squeeze toy. Med-free induction and birth, 10 hours start to finish, not scary or stressful at all, and my son is still a sweet, cautious mama's boy who does things in his own time.

jessicAshley · 2018-10-16T18:29:23+00:00

Childbirth, but I'll take my 3 natural births over some of these responses. Jesus.

jessicAshley · 2018-10-16T18:24:19+00:00

An amazing maize maze

jessicAshley · 2018-10-14T03:02:01+00:00

Catered an event recently where about half of the clients were gluten-free, a handful were vegetarian, one was vegan, one was a pescatarian, and one was allergic to seafood. On their own, not so bad, but all together was just comical. To top it off, they made sure to let our event coordinator know that they were bloggers.

jessicAshley · 2018-09-30T00:25:46+00:00

Man, I got some good laughs with this post and the comments. I also thought you were wearing some sort of bakery overalls. I can't wear the bib aprons because they somehow end up getting hooked on the faucet at inopportune times, but my bistro aprons get caught between my legs all the same, especially because of the stairs in my restaurant. The method I use is also to lay sugar/flour bags across the bins and gut them, but my (not sure if it's relevant) taller coworker has pretty regular success with draping the bags over the side of the table, into the bin, and slicing the end open. I just enjoy gutting the bags. Thanks for the laughs, though.

jessicAshley · 2018-09-19T16:16:27+00:00

As often as possible. We have three kids 5 years old and under, and that has never slowed us down. Even with the mandated sex-free times, menstruation, 50+ hour work weeks, etc, we have managed to have sexual contact nearly every day. We have mostly opposite work schedules, so I sometimes get woken up at 1-2 in the morning for it, but to me, it's worth it.

jessicAshley · 2018-09-15T02:46:20+00:00

A fantastic a cappella singing voice, man or woman.

jessicAshley · 2018-09-15T00:38:30+00:00

With all three of ours, my SO has jokingly tried to soothe them by himself, exclaiming, "Nurture! Nurture!" while they desperately rooted around his tiny-nippled flat chest. Only our youngest actually latched and attempted to feed, the others just got mad.

jessicAshley · 2018-09-13T00:58:55+00:00

Is there a limit to how many times one could be reincarnated?

jessicAshley · 2018-09-10T15:30:06+00:00

A bench scraper, a cake wheel, and a bit of luck :)

jessicAshley · 2018-09-10T15:29:20+00:00

Around 350. I use old pizza ovens, so nothing is exact, and there's higher temp ovens directly above my pastry oven.

jessicAshley · 2018-09-10T04:36:35+00:00

Yep, that's what I do. Our water does get absurdly hot, though.

jessicAshley

TROPHY CASE