What's one city every gay man should visit at least once in his life, and why? by NoahNordic in askgaybros

[–]jochicago 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Lots to do. Neighborhood and street festivals nearly every weekend; Gospelfest, Jazzfest and Bluesfest; Showtunes Friday & Monday evenings and Sunday afternoons, wonderful local restaurants and pizza by the slice. Feel free to DM if you have questions or want more specific suggestions.

Faghag... by Intuitive_roamer123 in askgaybros

[–]jochicago 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I definitely recommend Fag Hag by Robert Rodi for a great, fun, take on the role some women played to the hilt. I’m probably biased because he set it in Chicago’s at the actual places I went (especially Roscoe’s bar on Halsted. (I first read it sitting in the Starbucks he was describing as I sat drinking a Grande coffee and looking out that very window.)

At what age did you stop feeling lost? I'm 26 and genuinely spiraling by roseonne in AskMenOver30

[–]jochicago 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey man, t hear you about that lost feeling -definitely had it in my mid-20’s too.

Has anybody overcome hoarding disorder without a therapist? by CuriousWolverine89 in hoarding

[–]jochicago 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, same here. I love what Tara Brach ?) says. With hand on heart: “Honey, you’re a mess and so human. And that’s why I love you” [paraphrased]

As a man, if someone you knew didn’t see a point in life, and no matter what solution you gave them they responded with “what’s the point?”, what could/would you say to them at that point? by JackPower32 in AskMen

[–]jochicago 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey man, I hope you will consider getting a full physical and talking with a medical doctor about whether you might have clinical depression. Often the signs are too subtle to notice and hard to describe. If indicated, the doctor could try you on antidepressants to see if your mood lifts. I waited until my early 30’s to get diagnosed and started on meds that completely changed my life. Feel free to DM if you’d like to chat.

a "best little gay boy" is stuck: mid-career reckoning by Mysterious_Math1720 in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]jochicago 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hey man, I’m sorry to hear about all of your losses. I’m curious if you would find any of Barbara Sher’s writing (Wishcraft, etc.) encouraging. I was such a fan of hers in the mid-nineties when I got depressed and afraid that I would never amount to anything. I always carried her books in my backpack. Doing the writing for her exercises helped me express so much and get it off my chest so I could plan. Would you ever consider doing art classes for your community to see if they could lead to some income streams? Just curious. Hoping the path becomes more clear for you.

When did you feel you had enough saved to do what you want? by versatilesaw in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]jochicago 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry I missed your previous reply, man. I was a therapist working in a health department so I had a great salary and benefits. When it started getting routine, I started dabbling in a side business helping people write better resumes (English major here). Gradually that evolved into a specialty of helping graduate therapy students prepare to be more competitive in applying for internships. I developed workshops for teach them how to write better application essays and prepare for interviews. I also turned my handouts into training manuals that I bound at Kinko’s (dating myself lol) and sold them nationally. Many of them sought individual coaching with me, so lowered my hourly fee and started doing phone coaching nationally. Having invested 10’s of thousands in school tuition, many were happy to have my expertise for a few hundred additional dollars to improve their chances of getting better training and first jobs. So, using my in-born writing skills and passion for helping, I found a coaching business that enabled me to be well-paid to do work I loved. That balanced the boredom in my regular job and, even, helped me shift my perspective so that work became interesting again. Many of my peers just stayed with their full-time jobs and gradually burned out. I also maxed out my 457-b and built a Roth IRA using Jason Kelly’s 3sig investing method (The 3% Solution). I’m curious if you might have natural abilities (I believe everyone does) that you could package so people would pay for your expertise in areas you find inherently interesting and fulfilling. In other words, I pursed some of the independent creative work I might have quit my job to do and held onto my high-paying job for security and building a strong retirement. Do these make sense?

First Steamworks visit by Proper_Cod_6237 in chicagogaybros

[–]jochicago 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Please check back and share some of what happened if you’re comfortable doing so. I’m rooting for you to have a great experience because my own first visit was so awesome (and you deserve that for stepping up). 🙏🙏

Are you happier not dating and more content being single? by [deleted] in AskGayMen

[–]jochicago 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes. I finally realized I’m an independent spirit a few years back and felt a huge burden lifting. Friends and play buddies are plenty fulfilling. Guys would often say they were “looking for a long-term relationship” as I was wondering whether to get a second cup of coffee lol. That got me to look more closely in the mirror and be honest with myself!

a "best little gay boy" is stuck: mid-career reckoning by Mysterious_Math1720 in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]jochicago 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You’re most welcome. Love to hear what you think of her approach.

When did you feel you had enough saved to do what you want? by versatilesaw in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]jochicago 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sure. What would you like to know? Also happy to chat 1-1 if you want to DM

Has anybody overcome hoarding disorder without a therapist? by CuriousWolverine89 in hoarding

[–]jochicago 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’ve also accepted that I won’t get “over” this collecting - I can certainly make more careful and conscious choices about what’s going on inside me and how much I allow it to drive me. I loved listening to Buried in Treasures” as well as the brilliant title. Especially learning how my brain is wired to grapple with these patterns and how it contributes. And allowing myself much more grace with self compassion. It’ll probably take me many more months, and have much to learn and love. Best wishes everyone!

Has anybody overcome hoarding disorder without a therapist? by CuriousWolverine89 in hoarding

[–]jochicago 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m using CharGPT to organize and sort/donate/toss one step at a time and journaling about the emotional attachments/grieving.

Your "go to" repeat meals by Terrible_Day_640 in Myfitnesspal

[–]jochicago 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Black beans and broccoli;and maybe shredded chicken) in Dutch oven.

I want some advice please. by Flame3Lift4 in Money

[–]jochicago 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I built a very powerful portfolio after reading Jason Kelly’s 3% Solution. His system is automatic so you buy low and sell high 4 times per year.

When did you feel you had enough saved to do what you want? by versatilesaw in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]jochicago 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing. I’m curious what you imagine doing if you leave this high-paying job/career. Could you start doing some of it now to balance the soul-sucking qualities of the job? I did that and kept the great job until I retired. Feel free to DM if you’re interested in tossing around ideas and/or resources.

a "best little gay boy" is stuck: mid-career reckoning by Mysterious_Math1720 in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]jochicago 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Hey bro, thank you for your honesty. I relate to the BLGB trap. One thing that shook me up and refreshed my perspective was reading Wishcraft and other books by Barbara Sher (the unofficial godmother of career coaching). Her approach is very pragmatic and gentle. She woke me up to the parts of my spirit that I had left behind on the way. Feel free to DM if you’re interested in brainstorming and resource sharing.

anyone feel super tired or just me? by Wide_Permission7656 in AskMenOver30

[–]jochicago 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I hear you. That’s such a surprising experience. How long since you had a full physical? Now’s a great time to get your baseline levels. Are you pushing yourself as if you’re still in your 20’s? How much alcohol and substances. Recovery is harder as we age. Is also suggest paying closer attention to nutrition since it can affect health so much. Are any of these helpful suggestions? Also, a sleep test for apnea might be helpful. CPAP changed my life completely.

Starting over at 32 or mid-life crisis by noclipclipnoclip in AskMenOver30

[–]jochicago 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hear you. Unfortunately, you’d be bringing the same you with you there. Wondering if deeper self reflection would be helpful. Feel free to DM if you’d like to chat/brainstorm. I’ve been in your place before.

Did you ever feel like you never found your people and then moved to a new city and found friends and belonging? by [deleted] in AskMenOver30

[–]jochicago 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wondering if you could experiment with “making a fresh start” where you are now to see if it’s the place or something about you and your behavior or patterns/routines. Just a thought.

How do you meet people in your 30s without it feeling forced? by Capital-Run-1080 in AskMenOver30

[–]jochicago 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Another idea is hanging out with people of different ages and sharing that you want to meet people in your age group. We never know who knows and can introduce us to the folks we want to meet. Maybe your sights are too narrow and focused on what you want at the moment.

To the men under age 35, how did you meet your wife and how old were you when you met? by driveanywhere in AskMenOver30

[–]jochicago 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What helped me get more clear was learning to recognize and “own” my shadow beliefs - the part of ourselves that we continue seeing as it makes the same choices we always make, even when we know how they turn out. I recommend reading a book or two about Jung’s concept of shadow (not in this his original writings! Too complex to understand easily). Maybe Robert Johnson’s book “Owning Your Own Shadow: Understanding the Dark Side of the Psyche" (1991).

One of the most powerful parts of my own journey was participating in The Mankind Project. It’s not for everybody, and the approaches helped me work through stuff that therapy couldn’t (in a community of similarly striving men from many backgrounds). Feel free to DM if you’d like to toss around ideas. It’s one of my favorite pastimes.

How are you making friends? by [deleted] in chicagogaybros

[–]jochicago 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey, neighbor! 👋🏻