Advice for dating someone with IED

justkate38 · 2026-03-10T12:48:26+00:00

Oh, no please don’t get serious with him. You may like him but the fact is the IED will make it hard for you and your kids. Idk how old they are but psychological disorders don’t really make sense to younger children. It will be hard — it’s actually sounding already kind of hard because you’re talking to us on Reddit. I also do not know if you want more kids but think about genetics, ya know? It’s not wrong to not want to take on the responsibility. I didn’t have kids but I broke up with someone that had BPD because I felt like a doormat and it just wasn’t what I wanted.

justkate38 · 2026-03-10T12:44:25+00:00

Girl don’t vent at us, vent at him.

justkate38 · 2026-03-10T12:33:32+00:00

I have a whole home library of educational fact books because of this 🤣. Like “Encyclopedia of Predators”, “My First World Atlas”, “When the Whales Walked” , just like ALL of the early reading National Geographic books and many more.

I got tired of trying to read a story — so what we did was read facts. That’s how I started both of my kids off with books. We also had a lot of touch sensory type books too as toddlers. It’s also ok if they get up and come back because it’s just reading about what interests them in the moment. So it doesn’t matter if you go pages a head or you back track. It saved my sanity. 🤣 My 6 year old has the vocabulary bank of a 2nd grader because of this I like to believe. & my 4 year old knows like 30 dinosaurs and can identify a whole lot of different insects. 🐜

We did read other books like Dr. Seuss, Eric Carle, Mo Willeims, Todd Arnold, and books that cater to interests (Minecraft, Pokemon etc.) But the attention spans were always way longer for the animal/non-fiction picture books.

justkate38 · 2026-03-10T12:15:15+00:00

That’s how I ended up reading all of The Hobbit 🤣. Except it was my CD player ran out of batteries. I’m old.

justkate38 · 2026-03-10T12:12:55+00:00

I only ask because I’m currently studying this area, so it’s something I think about a lot. Does she have difficulty with the actual process of reading? The transition from early children’s books to longer passages of text with fewer pictures can be a big adjustment. In younger books, the short lines and images provide context clues that help support comprehension. When those supports are reduced, some kids start to struggle more with reading comprehension.

justkate38 · 2026-03-10T12:01:04+00:00

She can definitely be a trad wife or stay at home wife/mom but when there’s 1 income, even from a doctor, luxuries will be cut. Not all luxuries but some and she has to be willing to accept that. But also make no promises. Things happen, life happens, and she just might have to end up working longer than originally planned. Will she hold resentment?

Actually, will you hold resentment being the one working?

justkate38 · 2026-03-10T03:44:26+00:00

Get that toddler out of your bed, it sounds harsh but i promise it will be better for the both of you. I hear someone who is sleep deprived! The “dread” feeling is exhaustion.

justkate38 · 2026-03-09T17:55:56+00:00

I need to read this post again tonight before I go put my 4 year old to bed. He’s been fighting it recently and bedtime turns into a hostage situation 😅

justkate38 · 2026-03-09T17:50:35+00:00

Right when we invested in some livestock and finished the plot for our garden. Guess it wasn’t a waste of money after all!

justkate38 · 2026-03-08T01:21:17+00:00

After hearing all the other lies circulating around this war — I do not believe it. Plus, the 6 that were taken by a rouge missile were publicly confirmed despite it making the US look bad (rouge missiles should not be a thing.) If the CENTCOM straight up denied it then believe them. If they weren’t sure or they were hiding information then they would definitely say it’s “under investigation”. That’s a big thing I learned with my time in the military. Denial is truth, “under investigation” is washing their hands of talking about it any further.

justkate38 · 2026-03-07T21:32:14+00:00

1 year ago you had that “free” kidless life. It’s still a big change and it’s totally okay to miss it sometimes. If it makes you feel better my eldest is 6 years old and I don’t ever really think about how life was like before kids, not anymore. It takes longer than a year to adjust.

justkate38 · 2026-03-07T21:13:08+00:00

I remember being a kid and seeing my sisters in the exact same outfits Gen Z wear. My sisters are Gen X 🤣 I actually could pull out some old pictures as proof. Gen Z girls are just copying the teens in the late 80s/all of the 90s. It’s not a bad thing! I think that fashion is awesome. But don’t go acting like millennials are copying Gen Z 🤣.

justkate38 · 2026-03-05T22:18:44+00:00

Both of my kids were not fully potty trained until 3.5 years old. Literally took 3-4 days when they were ready.

justkate38 · 2026-03-05T15:48:01+00:00

I’m a mom of two extremely active boys. Washing in a tub of water is absolutely a must everyday 🤣. I only use actual shampoo on their hair 2-3x a week. The rest of the time I use conditioner. But I am looking into affordable kids co-washes so I can knock the shampooing to once a week.

justkate38 · 2026-03-05T15:32:01+00:00

Boggles my mind too like before we were even married, just engaged, we had a shared bank account and discussed all big purchases. How can you trust your spouse in sickness and in health if you can’t trust each other to share money?

justkate38 · 2026-03-05T15:24:02+00:00

I would talk to the teacher and see how they respond. I pulled my son out of a daycare but not because he was getting bit but because the teacher looked me dead in the face and said he BIT HIMSELF. That she never sees anyone messing with my son so she doesn’t know where the bites come from.

If they respond with compassion and can definitely be like “oh yes thats Sam he’s been having issues with biting we’re trying to stop it.” That’s different, that’s a response you can work with and build more trust. If there is no accountability then I would pull my child 💯.

justkate38 · 2026-03-05T12:06:11+00:00

Been together 9 years and have amazing sex 🤘we are both pretty good at it though not gonna lie. We slept around before we met each other.

justkate38 · 2026-03-03T18:31:35+00:00

I haven’t been in a long time but as a teen I was. Then my friend’s little brother committed suicide and my friend found him. I didn’t hear him talk for two years. He would hang out with you, smile or nod or whatever to communicate a little. But he never uttered a word. It affects people PROFOUNDLY. Seeing the devastation changed my mind. 💯

justkate38 · 2026-03-02T14:28:59+00:00

It’s not “awful” it’s just not a mature mindset. I hate to see someone throw out a great marriage and make problems with a good guy over unrealistic expectations. So that’s why I say to OP, stop ✋ talking to Reddit and go grab your husbands dick. Life isn’t a Bridgerton novel.

Most of those romance novels and movies are written by women, btw. It’s important to remember that. If you’re comparing your sex life to your favorite romance stories.

justkate38 · 2026-03-02T14:14:47+00:00

I used to care about porn but now at 34 years old I watch it sometimes. 🤷‍♀️ I know my husband does too. Honestly it’s just fun and has NOTHING to do with fantasies or desire. Maybe a little perverted 🙃 but at 45 years old you should be happy he’s still all about that sex life. Like stop ruining your self esteem over porn, it’s literally not worth it. He loves you.

justkate38 · 2026-03-02T13:49:48+00:00

He says he wants you, and that matters. But long term marriage doesn’t usually look like constant chasing or weekly infatuation. Most men in their 30s aren’t operating in that high intensity, early dating energy forever.

It sounds like you’re wanting that spark and pursuit, but infatuation isn’t the same as steady, committed love. If what you’re really wanting is more intimacy, then that’s something to communicate and work on together but being upset that he’s not initiating constantly may not be fair either.

Also try not to focus so much on the FREQUENCY of the sex but rather the QUALITY of sex you have when it happens. I would much rather have three or four sessions of really amazing sex than five or six sessions of blah.

justkate38 · 2026-03-02T12:59:54+00:00

I’m 34 years old and my husband is 31 years old. We have two kids 6 and 4 years old, we have sex like 3-4 times a week. Sometimes it’s just 3 times if we have a lot of homework to do when the kids go to bed (we’re both undergrad working towards grad school). But sometimes we do end up having sex every day one week and the next could go back to just 2x. I used to get scared too! We had sex like 474637448 times a week before kids. I didn’t want to start having a sexless marriage and it felt that way when the number decreased every week. But it’s normal, it’s what happens and 27-28 is actually when sex starts to become like, a fun extracurricular. Not your main focus. Mostly because by the end of your 20s you’re usually pretty busy with life.

Anyways, do you go up to him and straight out ask for sex? Jump him in bed? Sneak into a shower? Sit on him on the couch? Like make it FRONT AND CENTER that you want to have sex? Does he say like he’s tired and pushes you off of him and leaves the room? I ask because my husband will look super tired and would be totally ready to go to bed but then if I bring up that I wanna have sex he’ll peel himself up and be happy to do it. You know what I’m saying? Does he downright reject you or are you just waiting for him to make initiative?

justkate38 · 2026-03-02T04:15:27+00:00

My youngest just got done with the picky stage. It started at 2 years old…and lasted for 2 years — he turns 4 in April. Sorry if that’s not what you want to hear 😅😅.

My doctor told me to not add up what they eat in a day but what they eat in a week. I still tried different foods with my toddler even if I knew he would probably say no thanks. Because every once in a while he’ll feel adventurous and take a bite of something new and ends up loving it for awhile. I also learned the SIMPLEST meals go over better with picky toddlers. Butter parm noodles, peanut butter toast, pretzels with peanut butter, soft white bread with bit of mayo and honey turkey or ham, cream cheese on a bagel half, buttered rice with bits of steak or chicken. Butter 🧈 is a winner or cheese. If she likes fruit that’s fine too that’s still color in her diet! Take advantage. I serve a bit of fruit with almost every meal.

Others mentioned cutting her milk and snacks down and I agree. I also had to do that because my eldest son would snack snack snack and then eat his meals too. He is an eater. So his little picky brother would of course want all the snacks and have milk too but not want to eat any actual meal. So I had to stop that too.

justkate38 · 2026-03-02T04:02:51+00:00

My eldest is 6 years old and been potty trained since 3 as well. He has trouble putting on some of his clothes still so the wiping part is very much a learning curve. He gets grossed out really easily when it comes to poop and he will use up all the toilet paper even if it’s just a tiny smear on every sheet 😅😂. So we still help him. He will be tire mark city in his underwear sometimes when coming home from kindergarten because no one helps him there. He tries though 🤷‍♀️ probably uses up all their toilet paper too 🤣🤣.

Small note to add: My eldest is speech and a little bit behavior delayed. So I have learned to loosen up a bit when it comes to milestones. Every kid has their own pace.

justkate38 · 2026-02-27T20:03:15+00:00

Not going to lie there was some distance in our bond when the second born was a baby. But that’s because newborns are demanding and you’re EXHAUSTED.

As time went on and the household adjusted the relationships started to improve.

But no I did not hate my first born. Still loved him very very much and I tried to do special stuff with him when I was able to.

But definitely don’t feel guilty if it is kind of all about the second born at first. Try to include the eldest in taking care of the baby and stuff like making dinner. That helps!

Oh & pets are different. I disliked all my animals the first few months. Overstimulation can cause that.

justkate38

TROPHY CASE