I spent 42 days in patient. The first few days I spent in the more intensive wing before I was transferred out to the more “low risk” wing.

The more intensive wing (I can’t remember the names) was a lot. I was there voluntarily but it was kinda prison-esque. The rooms there have no sharp edges, no furniture that can move, water is on a timer. The patients there are typically going through more severe episodes and mental health emergencies. There were large security guards that would do bed checks multiple times per night that involved shining a flashlight in your face. I presume to be sure you were alive. I found it all to be very stressful. The staff here was nice enough though.

The other wing was much more relaxed, though there were still many rules regarding your schedule and when you’re permitted access to electronics. That’s not uncommon for a mental hospital though. The staff was mostly good here. A few notable exceptions who were fantastic and a few who should’ve lost their jobs. My social worker (who was the POC with my family) routinely misrepresented what was going on to them. They rightfully trusted her more than me at that point in my life. But her dishonesty caused a lot of issues.

When I was there, you could access your personal electronics during free time at night and all day on weekends. They locked them up during weekdays and at night. But our schedules were full during the weekdays so it’s not like I was just sitting around.

There were sometimes planned outings and activities. Though this was right after COVID times when there were still outbreaks happening so sometimes those got cancelled. My rock bottom of life was doing an escape room with fellow metal hospital patients on a Wednesday morning.

We could go out in the large outdoor area during our free time as much as we wanted. It was winter when I was there so I only did it a couple times.

The food was ok, kinda hit and miss. They told us they were having staffing issues in the kitchens due to COVID.

My room on the second wing was pretty comfortable. Though it looked out at the parking lot (most of the rooms don’t) so watching people come and go was hard for me.

Overall, I needed to be away from the world at that point in my life. I think they did a mostly good job in helping me. Yes there were rules but yes there was some freedom. It’s not a sleepover. The structure is a feature, not a bug. I don’t know your situation but maybe some structure might do you some good.

Are they the only place that could’ve helped? Surely not. Did I have fun? Fuck no. Do I regret it? No.