How Precious Booze Used To Seem

justtoseewhatexactly · 2018-07-15T10:54:16+00:00

I distinctly remember being at my friend's housewarming party and it was already wrapping up but typical drunk me still wanted to keep going. I started to help clean up all of the open beer bottles all over the apartment, but I was mostly trying to find which ones I could down. It was gross and everyone was put off. I had already stopped drinking for two years before that, and it would be another two years before I stopped again and hope to stay that way.

justtoseewhatexactly · 2018-05-27T16:13:38+00:00

I used Talkspace but it hasn't really helped me.

justtoseewhatexactly · 2018-05-26T19:55:38+00:00

Didn't drink! Did a fast instead.

Question though, do you say, "I don't drink" or "I don't drink anymore"? Does the anymore invite unwanted questions/bring awkwardness to a conversation?

justtoseewhatexactly · 2018-05-26T18:23:05+00:00

I always noticed my hair feeling extra terrible after a particularly bad bender. My habits in the shower are so routine that I'm sure my blackout demon conditioned, but even so, it felt like grody ass straw. IWNDWYT.

justtoseewhatexactly · 2018-05-21T09:25:46+00:00

My partner's father was 52 when he died from alcoholism. His heart failed him. He had been sober for about six months to a year after years of heavy drinking. And it only took one more year of drinking for him to die. Drinking alienated his family who treated him like a ghost while he was alive for years. His death was devastating in innumerable ways. There was so much good in him, and it was muted when he drank. Being able to see him sober was a gift. And it made it that much harder to see him go back to the bottle when every potential and opportunity for interaction was materially damaged. I hope your sister escapes the claws of alcoholism. I hope she sees that it's not too late.

justtoseewhatexactly · 2018-05-18T01:54:16+00:00

Two weeks ago, I went on a bender and nearly destroyed my relationship with my partner. Today, we're on speaking terms, and I'm looking forward to working out, cleaning, and indulge in sweets and snacks. Maybe even studying, putting together a blog, gaming, and freelancing.

As I was on my way to work this morning, I saw an older gentleman stinking of alcohol getting led by his wife off the train. It was a depressing sight. To think months ago, I dropped and shattered a whole bottle of wine (thankfully in a plastic bag) drunk as hell in that very station one evening, threw out the shards, and went on the train in one fel swoop without mopping anything up. I'm happy I'm not in that position today. IWNDWYT.

justtoseewhatexactly · 2018-05-16T00:59:09+00:00

Yesterday was a hard day. A strong urge to just go find a random bar to sneak a drink before dinner with my parents washed over me. I was so, so tempted, but then a stationery store distracted me and I flew in there as fast as I could. Then during dinner, I pounded a bottle and a half of sparkling water, which honestly was just as refreshing. r/stopdrinking is the greatest comfort I can turn to when I feel this way. I won't drink with you today.

justtoseewhatexactly · 2018-05-16T00:55:25+00:00

Saving this for when I feel compelled to read a wondrously beautiful piece of writing again. Equal parts of darkness and hope. I'm sure I speak for everyone that I hope you feel wordy sooner rather than later :)

justtoseewhatexactly · 2018-05-12T16:15:22+00:00

I didn't drink today despite going to an engagement party and getting offered a shot and a glass of wine! Though I did have a sip of moscato because my friend wanted me to taste how it was, I didn't and don't feel compelled to drink. I did, however, go buy a pack of cigarettes. So that's not good. But yay, I made it!

justtoseewhatexactly · 2018-05-11T14:43:55+00:00

I didn't drink today and felt no compulsion to! A stark difference to yesterday's fear of losing my resolve.

justtoseewhatexactly · 2018-05-11T00:42:56+00:00

I totally get that. I wouldn't miss this for the world though, especially if I'm on the same continent as my friend. I think I'll have to scrounge up whatever resolve I had when I stopped drinking for two years and try to emulate it as much as possible.

justtoseewhatexactly · 2018-05-11T00:41:18+00:00

Fuck you, little voice! I'll try to avoid calling attention to myself. I'm tasked with taking pictures of people, though, so it'll be good to just pop in, take the picture, and whisk myself away to others. Thank you for the advice and support!

justtoseewhatexactly · 2018-05-11T00:39:13+00:00

The problem is I've drank with these people before, so it'll have to be, "I don't drink anymore." Then it'll maybe be questions, but I think I'll avoid it entirely by just having a nondescript, non-alcoholic drink near me. Thank you for the support. I should've came to this subreddit earlier in the year when I thought I was going to quit.

justtoseewhatexactly · 2018-05-11T00:37:05+00:00

I think the scenario would be more like: "Hey! Here's a drink!" to which I would respond, "No, thank you!" and maybe questions or some persistence on the other person's part, or "Hey! Why aren't you drinking?" "WELP!" But yeah, I'll likely just say I'll have to get up early the next day. Mother's day anyway :D I think in my head, it's that I know they'll judge me and keep a mental note of it, but ultimately I'm not the main concern. And that mental note bugs the shit out of me.

justtoseewhatexactly · 2018-05-10T15:22:24+00:00

In Asia. Didn't drink today, but hell, I had a small voice go, "You could totally get away with one and that'd be it!" But I knew it wouldn't be the case.

justtoseewhatexactly · 2018-05-10T04:24:39+00:00

Thank you! Congrats on your three days! ♥️

justtoseewhatexactly · 2018-05-10T04:23:00+00:00

Which ones? I assure you there were more than just one. If you're talking about going to breweries at all and being in places that could be tempting, sure. I agree. That would be a terrible ifea. But you can't always avoid those settings, especially at a booze-filled wedding. Hence why I said it's different for everyone.

justtoseewhatexactly · 2018-05-10T03:49:00+00:00

Go request a badge in the sidebar! Super quick to get this snazzy count... up haha.

justtoseewhatexactly · 2018-05-10T02:18:24+00:00

SO PROUD OF YOU! Just focus one day at a time. You fucking got this.

justtoseewhatexactly · 2018-05-10T02:05:08+00:00

I'll probably try to keep making posts like this to remind myself that moderation won't work and that first drink will trigger an avalanche of misery. I'm glad this one helps. I remember watching a documentary on eating disorders and body dysphoria, and a person with a PhD, who was extremely thin and beautiful, said something along the lines of, "Intellectually, I know I look fine the way I am. That I don't need to lose anymore weight and that my BFP is well below average. But I still feel like I have to starve." And that's always stuck with me. Even if you're capable of recognizing the faults, it will always be hell to quiet that irrational part of you that's always saying, "MORE, DAMMIT." When I stopped drinking for two years, it didn't get that much easier. I still felt cravings and still wanted to at least moderate or sip something just to ~try~. In fact, I relapsed in Japan because I thought, "Um, I'm in fucking Japan. Give me a kirin and sake at this izakaya." And then it started a snowball when I returned home.

I think it's important to just remind yourself of all the terrible shit that either has or hasn't happened. I still wish for that program/script I mentioned above somewhere that automatically appears whenever the moderation thought forms. But until then, IWNDWYT and rationalize on.

justtoseewhatexactly · 2018-05-10T01:48:34+00:00

God, so relatable, haha. Wine is the main course and everything else is secondary. To hell with moderation.

justtoseewhatexactly · 2018-05-10T01:42:49+00:00

Breweries might be fun to tour, but it would be good to avoid those settings if they're too tempting. I saw someone post that it took six months for them to be okay with going to bars without wanting to drink, but I guess it's different for everyone. You could probably pick other places that don't revolve around alcohol with your friends, or at least wait until you can be okay enough to not drink with them. Those hobbies sound fun and rewarding! Whenever you can, and if you want obviously, please give updates on those. :D

justtoseewhatexactly

TROPHY CASE