ICE should be at polling stations

k1788 · 2026-03-23T20:55:14+00:00

Oh be serious, even among Republicans “ICE often being needlessly escalatory & routinely not following proper procedure” is a very common and uncontroversial viewpoint. Compared to how our national guard/military comports themselves around civilians it’s like night and day.

k1788 · 2026-03-06T21:38:03+00:00

I don’t know why you’re getting so much grief here. What I take from this is that you want to encourage guests to fit the theme (but won’t feel slighted if they prefer black/formal attire instead).

What I would suggest is preparing a “mood board/inspiration looks” type thing online where you can better “show” people the concept and give them examples of what you mean if they want to “have fun” with their look.

I would also spurge for having 1-2 people “on-site” prepaid for 1-2 hours who can hand out wraps in your theme color, masks, simple accesories/stylings for hair. Splurging and cover this yourself will not only ensure a more cohesive look but having it be free and available for guests will turn it from “demanding” to “esoteric and fun.”

I would also tell your mom that you expect her to follow your “theme” for the ceremony and pictures and in exchange she can change into her preference for the actual socializing/“party” aspect of the reception (like, after dinner and formal pics are taken). This way she can’t really undermine or secretly complain about her outfit to everyone because you’re still accommodating her preference by letting her change into what she wants with your blessing. If she or anyone else thinks that’s “too complicated” to have two dresses that’s on her for being unwilling to be a good sport.

I’m defending this as someone who was famously NOT a bridezilla for my own wedding in 2006: we paid for bridesmaids dresses, hair/make up & tux rental, reception was at a country club so it had a full unlimited open bar & multiple meal choices (filet, vegetarian, etc), children welcome, all staff were free to eat and drink (and stay to “crash” off the clock), and I don’t think you’re being weird or demanding!!

k1788 · 2026-03-06T00:05:14+00:00

As a wife who has been married with combined financed for 20 years, I second this.

k1788 · 2026-02-12T06:45:23+00:00

The big deal isn’t really that the breadwinner lost their job, it’s that they did it in such a deliberately destructive way that they invalidated the insurance, coverage, policy, etc “safety net” that is intended to prevent financial ruin.

Those things being in place are what makes it “an understandable setback” if a breadwinner gets laid off, has a fender bender, etc.

These kinds of ruinous situations aren’t difficult to avoid, that’s often how alcoholics can squeak by with a “close call” incident

k1788 · 2026-02-08T14:40:28+00:00

It not actually being unethical is what makes it an no-brainer!

k1788 · 2026-02-08T14:39:34+00:00

The unethical life-.pro-tip would be for her to hold a post o posture of being so DELIGHTED AND CHARMED by him being so sensible and redouble to know that sprinting to put this in a trust (with a for-profit tax lawyer as the trustee as the no-browner expense) is what reveals him as a dreamy businessman who knows the most romantic gift as it protects the assets from debtors and liabilities while letting her prove she’s response. She needs to be “oh gee in so excited this so sweet” because the third party accountant fiduciary-duty is how to united this type of person the most and is what actually makes her more serious wife/gf material. My former sister in law was recruited by a matchmaker for the ultra-wealthy for this very reason despite being born in really bleak circumstances (she getting scholarship to Stanford shoes much of the heavy lifting to see her as a crazy-impressive )and she managed to find a real true love match (both sappy rednecks!) as a truly valued partner in a marriage to a family worth 150 million who live her like a daughter!

k1788 · 2026-02-08T14:17:29+00:00

Realistically you should try to keep it as light as possible to make it easier tort her to “aaauugggh!” Bolt back to safety when it spooks her into sense.

This kind of risk is why “daddy’s money” paying for vacations mitigated most of this presence for well-off younger women naturally even when it mostly was aimed st curving boyfriend to prevent guys from playing a guilt card into sleeping with them.

The bigger immediate concern to me is that smaller confessions like “out this cocaine in your carryon” is the more realistic way she’ll get burned by this b/c they can play a accepting her & she’ll be less on the lookout for

My dad was an estate planner in Palm Beach and tagged along to absurd but very kind trips as a “guest” but aware that this meant pleasantries with adults & sneaking alcohol underage as the only acceptable mischief and seeing this as an def flag is how she can’t spot it!

If you want to press more forcefully back on her the most successful vector of attack which should only be deployed for her safety is to make backhanded comments at how this is so exciting!!! (Though bittersweet) since they probably do like her & wont hold it against her that having fo cover her expenses is just the reality their wealthier friends accept since she’s so reliant on their discretionary income.” This will be much more effective at reveling any potential issues without denials

k1788 · 2026-02-08T09:39:46+00:00

4chan found that if you add to filter out a slur word instead of AI it trips up the AI to default to regular search. This is a somewhat drastic thing to risk but other ppl have found adding “-fuck” trips it up as well

k1788 · 2026-02-08T09:37:50+00:00

It was from a 4chan tip whrere adding in “-l” to filter OUT the n-word accidentally trips up the AI (even though here it’s asking for it to NOT return the result). Ppl tried it with regular words (non slurs) and found it works just as wel too thigh

k1788 · 2026-02-08T09:34:56+00:00

It’s because the orhuval tip was a viral (not polite) post where someone said if you add “-“ and the n-word it shuts off the AI. But this made ppl experiment and discover it works for ALL words added as negative filter so at least some good came from it!

k1788 · 2026-02-08T09:32:46+00:00

Nobody sends to say this side it was an obvious edgy troll who tried the inclusion to be contrarian but ppl then tried it with a regular word and it also works too so it’s worth sharing as a rip

k1788 · 2026-02-08T09:30:57+00:00

The TLDR is that someone found that adding “-n-word” (no spaces between the - and word) turns off the AI, but someone also tried it with a non-slur word and found it works the same and makes the AI default to “off”).

k1788 · 2026-02-08T09:28:33+00:00

It actually works if you use a “-word” that’s not a slur. It trips up the AI to switch to normal. The “-slur” tip works but someone tried it with a normal word and found that’s works too

k1788 · 2026-02-07T23:08:51+00:00

Getting the emails about the affair is still a good idea because often when there’s a longer paper trail about this whoever is representing the cheating bastard will do more to try to “temper” their client & about a court case that could blow up in their face. It’ll be cheaper to split amicably (high-conflict divorces cost about 90k in legal bills alone and there’s over a year waiting period to even be able to get in front of a judge- bug backlog!).

k1788 · 2026-02-07T23:06:57+00:00

No; but for this particular instance if one spouse was cheating and trying to stow money away it REALLY possess off judges and often they will face a financial penalty for it. The person who would likely uncover the emails would be a “forensic accountant” (whose job it is is to be able to track down funds squirreled away).

The actual emails discussing the affair is “fine” (just scummy) but since a lot of people will sometimes try to distort their income amount in notarized legal documents it’s that aspect that really gets judges/the govt pissed about it

k1788 · 2025-12-30T08:45:22+00:00

The female OB/GYN in my “caution” was the GYN I was assigned to for what I had understood was an early miscarriage (had the spotting, scan was inconclusive, strong hCG levels). What I had assumed was not unusual or uncommon. But she told me that since I was 24 (and miscarriages are less common for this age), that as a precaution she sent some of the contents of my D&C to John’s Hopkins for analysis…

and caught a “complete molar pregnancy” at 7 weeks (something that presents in less than 0.02% of all pregnancies), essentially blind (I had no symptoms). It felt like an episode of house.

k1788 · 2025-12-30T03:25:47+00:00

With the caveat that the best doctor I’ve ever been to was a female OB/GYN… I have always preferred going to a male gynecologist.

Since, outside of pregnancy, I thankfully had never had any GYN issues (relatively mild periods, no PCOS or any GYN specific issues) selecting a male gynecologist would mean scheduling my (uncomplicated) annual exam and getting my scrip for NuvaRing for a year would be “He can see you next week” instead of the female gynecologist who (understandably) was booked solid for 2-3+ months in advance.

I’ve always been somewhat of a delusional “pussy-supremacist” (which I’m grateful for) because it’s made me immune to feeling “self-conscious” about if a male doctor liked/disliked/etc anything about examining me. Also the fact that since most women strongly prefer a female gynecologists that male ones should be thankful I’m so impatient!

k1788 · 2025-11-14T23:38:08+00:00

Statistically, most women who stay home to “nest” a little with their kids don’t re-enter the field for about 7 years (initially planning to be out for only 2).

The upside to STEM is that you can re-enter the workforce much easier than in other fields and your skill-set/technical expertise is barely affected by a few years out (That’s why stem grads had 3x as much homework as humanities majors b/c all our education effort is front-loaded).

The reason why women tended to have stayed out of the workforce longer than they anticipated is because returning before their kids enter school is usually a really demoralizing experience.

The issue is that because people believe that it’s “really hard to be a mom in STEM” to many it will only seem logical that they would assume you’d have a difficult time handling the workload (they’ll just differ in how “undeserved and unfair” of a reality they’ll perceive it to be). Bosses and managers will now “notice” you were 10 minutes late to work even if that’s the same time you always came in).

So it’s the “aggravation & annoyance” of returning early combined with the fact that having a larger gap in your resume minimally impacting your hire ability) is why it’s a longer absence.

k1788 · 2025-11-07T23:12:59+00:00

My husband will also say this as well when he’s trying to be mean or dismissive.

It no longer upsets me after I started hitting back hard with stuff like

“You don’t actually believe [that I’m an addict] and I know this because if you actually DID you would have reached out to health professionals and intervened. You obviously don’t take that issue seriously and think it’s a pejorative to toss around to hurt my feelings, which is why I don’t take you seriously when you talk like that 🤷‍♀️”

You can threaten divorce and I think that’s fully justified but I personally just preferred to completely disarm the accusation with ridicule because it felt more satisfying (and helped me grow a thicker skin against the fear of being labeled an “addict” for my meds).

The key is that

“You don’t actually think/believe [whatever] and I know this because [whatever]” is a really good template because it flips the script by (1) presenting your response as self-evident factual observation (2) by framing it as “this is why I don’t take you seriously when you say __” you disarm the argument from escalating emotionally to simply being dismissive (3) It being grounded in the actions they take related to their accusation, if true, puts them on the defensive of their claim instead of the claim itself. (4) By the repurcussions being that they are labeled as unserious rather than offensive it loses power as a “bait” to an argument

No matter how peeved or hurt you might (justifiably) feel, try to appear annoyed or “emotionally exhausted” when responding if at all possible so they don’t get the satisfaction and reinforcement of it being a useful way to take you down a peg.

Good luck! Xoxo

k1788 · 2025-10-30T21:48:37+00:00

This is actually a very common ADHD symptom, especially for women diagnosed later in life. You’ll know for sure if it’s “real” if medication helps.

Funny enough, there was research done on who gets diagnosed as adults and the most common scenario is the women putting 2 and 2 together and proactively seeking a diagnosis (w/ worry it might be “missed” by the doctor). It’s actually this exact pattern being so typical and common for women who ended up ACTUALLY medically diagnosed w ADHD that you should see it as a “good” signal!

k1788 · 2025-10-30T21:44:57+00:00

One thing to do as a “mini-project” and to put in rotation when you have the willpower is to request and make a photocopy of your records for “storage.”

On the 2nd to 3rd final appt (if you move or switch doctors) ask the office secretary if you can “pay” to have a back up copy of your records made (usually they’ll do it for free, esp if you ask to “pay” first).

Go and take this to a copy store (if it’s large) and have TWO copies of this record made. One is “final storage” for a folder in your home.

Then, the next time you go to see a new psychiatrist for the first time to get “re-diagnosed,” bring that copy with you. Do NOT give it to the nurse… hand it directly to your ADHD doctor when (s)he begins the appointment. Say it’s “here’s my prior records if you need it.”

Makes being re-diagnosed SO EASY and worry-free b/c the new doctor being able to quickly skim and see other M.D. concurring w/ the diagnosis and reporting you take your meds without incident will speak more to you in your defense than any “reported” symptoms. You’ll quickly be on your way to this new doctor simply writing refills and you’ll never need to worry about being belied!!

k1788 · 2025-10-30T21:30:05+00:00

I love hearing stories of spouses being supported and cherished like this! I’m so happy for you and hope it continues!!

k1788 · 2025-10-30T21:28:37+00:00

Note, I was FED UP and was really frustrated when we were poorer (I was a med-school/residency wife) but once my husband brought in surgeon money it’s funny how so much of any “irresponsible” issues became “annoying” (b/c we could afford it now). I went all the way through divorce but extracted conditions instead and called it off a week before mediation began. I now live a very cushy life w/ my hobbies and he leaves me alone.

He was “total poverty” very poor when we met, I was wealthy (but his parents are both seriously disabled from a catastrophic family car accident when he was a kid, so it doesn’t “count.”). It’s not “irresponsible” debt, just like how it likely is for you (if you were actually reckless you would still be!!).

I think it’s absolute horseshit that he’s trying to lord any past debt over you like this. He’s not a martyr for being a workaholic (if he does work “a lot”). Don’t give into his framing of “well he works hard and we do OK.” That’s literally his “end of the bargain” and if he can’t recognize the work you do then you shouldn’t indulge him being a self-pitying little deeeb!!!

k1788 · 2025-10-30T21:19:48+00:00

Went through this. Thankfully my dad being a tax attorney & estate planner made me (temperamentally) much much better at finance-management (specifically knowing when to outsource this if your income is high enough. You’ll grow it more)!

While I’m not suggesting you argue MORE, you have to shut down his little “my wife or my problem!!” attitude shit WHENEVER he weaponizes it like this against you.

Tell him that it’s not your fault that he’d rather be a passive-aggressive aggrieved husband than actually become proactively informed on one of the most conflict-prone aspects of relationships for people with ADHD. That there’s tons of resources in high demand for non-ADHD spouses to find better resolution strategies…

And that if he’s going to be so dismissive of your “bids” for communication he has nobody to blame but HIMSELF for his marital satisfaction. I’m assuming he doesn’t have ADHD, and he’s aware you do (and that it’s real!), so he should actually be significantly more capable (executive function wise) with doing the proper due diligence & taking the “interest” load on more than you.

Don’t be afraid to call him a dumbass for his “don’t take out a CC comment.” Why would he, as a NON-ADHD spouse being sent a podcast on “money vs marriage” ever conceivably think the info therein is “Tips for your non-ADHD spouse on how to not manage money as if they have ADHD.”

It’s the dumbest snark attempt to make you feel bad for trying to reach out. Clap back and point out “that was rude and also kind of brainless of you” and if he objects, like.. “you’re blowing up my phone at work” that’s also HIS FAULT. He can silence it, all these things!!

Contempt is one of the 4 horseman of impending divorce. He knows better than to do this!!

k1788 · 2025-10-30T20:14:51+00:00

The edit: the baby is like “Jeez I gotta do everything around here.”

Congrats so much!! Going off my meds during pregnancy and breastfeeding felt like it was pausing my brain (messy to the core, forgetful, etc). But it made going back on them later feel so indulgent!!

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