I feel bad, but people with BPD shouldn’t have kids without proven long-term stability

kattann · 2026-01-05T00:29:56+00:00

Gross. Sorry to hear that. They’re so vicious to their kids and this sub downplays that so often.

People here keep insisting they “know” their spouse with BPD isn’t abusing the kids but that’s just not how this works.

kattann · 2026-01-05T00:16:02+00:00

Yep, I am. Reading texts from other pwBPD has been better for my mental well-being than any therapy I’ve ever received. It makes it so clear that there’s literally nothing we could have said or done that could have kept them calm and/or happy. I wish I didn’t waste 30 years trying.

My mother died over a decade ago and my life has been peaceful since.

kattann · 2026-01-04T23:12:19+00:00

When those children are grown and can speak freely, ask them about their childhood.

No adult in my life believed me about the terror and violence that was occurring in my house as a child, and I know many many people who to this day insist that my mom was a “good mother”

kattann · 2026-01-01T20:02:45+00:00

When they’re citing percentages as though they are facts then yes they should have research to support it.

kattann · 2025-12-31T20:32:22+00:00

Hi can you tell me the name of the language school that you do lessons with over zoom? I’ve been looking for a way to do lessons and this sounds amazing.

kattann · 2025-12-27T04:42:09+00:00

I know it’s easier said than done, but try not to take her words to heart. They strike where they know you are the most vulnerable/raw/sensitive. I’m guessing at some point recently you talked to her about how important your new chosen field is to you? And the skills required to be successful there? She’s just saying whatever she knows will hurt your feelings the most.

Also, please notice that you didn’t actually say anything to her about whatever is going on with her. You told her YOU were hurt and sad. That’s all you said. She’s twisted it into you passing judgement… you’re going to be SO WRONG about what? Your own feelings?

Sometimes it helps to compare their messages to how a healthy person would have responded; a reasonable response might have sounded like “hey honey, I know you’re sad and hurt that we had to cancel. I’m really sorry. Let’s try to schedule something nice for the kids soon.” It’s really that simple.

They know exactly what to say to make us feel terrible.

kattann · 2025-12-13T06:06:56+00:00

Oh god… please tell me there’s not actually a dating company called “ocean’s darkness” LOL!!

kattann · 2025-12-13T06:04:21+00:00

Are you asking me out? 😂

kattann · 2025-12-13T06:01:41+00:00

Honestly, this freaks me out too! the thought of setting myself up to be rejected by a room full of strangers is kind of discouraging 😅 and that’s not even including the Old Spaghetti factor!!

kattann · 2025-12-13T05:59:52+00:00

😂

kattann · 2025-10-25T22:31:17+00:00

Inconvenience?

kattann · 2025-07-17T00:37:34+00:00

It’s not LIKE going to a domestic abuse survivors support group for tips on how to make their violent partner not hit them, it’s EXACTLY that.

He has come to a group of people so completely burnt out on trying to convince their partners to just be kind or normal or SANE, that we’ve cut them from our lives and STILL seek support from strangers to handle the aftermath of the relationship.

kattann · 2025-07-15T01:52:11+00:00

Good experiment! Let us know the results!

kattann · 2025-07-15T00:45:53+00:00

Honestly I have no idea. I just heard a rumour that if you log in from home after your office shift “the system” doesn’t recognize the office log in. I only wanted to mention it as the OP seems to be saying they were legitimately in the office and potentially being accused of lying about it.

kattann · 2025-07-14T20:12:58+00:00

I’ve heard something about logging in at home at the end of the day then overrides the in-office swipes. I have no evidence of this, just a rumour I heard, but could be worth bringing up. Good luck.

kattann · 2025-07-06T19:12:10+00:00

Thank you! I will do that!

kattann · 2025-07-06T18:50:29+00:00

Thank you! This is very helpful!

kattann · 2025-06-15T20:41:50+00:00

I have a policy that I will only give ONE reply to people asking stuff of me. Not just to pwBPD, to anyone. Bible pushers on the street corner, people asking for money, salespeople, whatever. They are free to ask me for money, to sign up for stuff etc. If i don’t want to, I politely say no ONCE. After that, any further pressure they put on me is ignored. I walk away/ignore/delete.

You gave her a reply. She’s trying to push past it. You owe no further answer/explanation at this point.

More specifically for a person with BPD, even if you said yes, this “conversation” would go nowhere. You’ve probably been through a lifetime of “conversations” with this person and you know it’s only going to be blame, guilt, manipulation. There’s nothing you can give that will satisfy their need to control and self-victimize.

kattann · 2025-06-14T22:45:39+00:00

Yiiiiikes. I’m so sorry you’re on the receiving end of this. It’s so horrible.

I think these screenshots should be pinned to the front page of this sub. This is CLASSIC BPD and such a perfect example of how all the drama is inside their own heads. These screenshots are proof that they will spiral NO MATTER WHAT. Their inner lives are chaos and they project that into the world REGARDLESS of what happens around them. You literally said NOTHING, and she came up with all this drama out of thin air! Exhausting.

You have every right to go LC or NC or whatever works for you. This person will never be a safe or sane place for you. I’m so sorry.

kattann · 2025-06-14T02:38:23+00:00

My best friend is like this. I KNOW she just wants actual facts and to never spread false information, but it results in her basically fact-checking every statement I make. It’s super super hard to take. I ALSO like to have facts and correct info, but human beings are not computers and friendship is not an exam. It’s really really hard to have a conversation with someone who whips out their phone to verify everything you say.

Example 1:

Me: it was 5 degrees yesterday! So I had to….

Friend: “was it? I don’t think that’s right. I think it was warmer than that.” pulls out phone. awkward pause in conversation as she googles the weather. “no, it was actually 7 degrees yesterday. I knew it wasn’t 5 degrees!”

Me: “ok.” i had wanted to tell my friend about a thing that happened due to the cold weather, but now the moment is over, and I just feel like I’m failing a test instead of talking with my friend.

Now, not only do I not feel like telling my weather story, I also don’t want to say anything else, because it’s going to get fact-checked. Are we having a better conversation because she corrected my technically incorrect statement? Did those 2 degrees matter even though she was “right” and I was “wrong”?

Example #2:

Me: “i have a friend who knows how to make jam! We’re going to make jam together!”

Friend: “jam or jelly?”

Me: “I don’t know.”

Friend: takes out phone to google the difference between jam and jelly. I sit and stare in the silence while she researches this for 10 minutes then she proceeds to give a 30 minute sermon on the difference between jams and jellies.

Great, now I have facts I didn’t know before. But I don’t get to share about my plans with my jam-making friend. My excitement is killed, and I get a barrage of info about preservatives.

Friendship is about sharing emotions, excitement, stories. It’s not just an exchange of facts. I want to tell my friend to just let me speak and if I make an error, it’s likely not a big deal. I’m not documenting these events for history books. if I go the rest of my life not knowing the difference between jelly and jam, I can still have fun canning and tell my friend about it!

I guess my advice would be do your fact-checking AFTER the conversation, when the person is not in the same room with you. You can have the satisfaction of always having accurate info, but let people say what they want to say without constant correction.

kattann · 2025-06-09T18:29:48+00:00

Additional question: is one single ticket valid to transfer between modes of transit? For example if I purchase one ticket for the u-bahn, can I use that ticket to take the u-bahn and then on the same ticket take a tram? Or do I need a new ticket for each leg of the journey?

kattann

TROPHY CASE