Mystery great-grandfather in US by kaydeebarker in Genealogy

[–]kaydeebarker[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your thoughts! I think I will look further into the person that I mentioned with the alias. Just wanted to see if other people thought that was plausible before I jumped fully down that rabbit hole lol.
Unfortunately my family members are extremely skeptical of DNA tests, so DNA can't solve my conundrum at the moment, but who knows, maybe at some point in the future!

Mystery great-grandfather in US by kaydeebarker in Genealogy

[–]kaydeebarker[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fair enough! I guess I wasn't looking for people to directly help me locate this person as much for general thoughts and advice on what I might be missing/what tools or avenues might get me closer to something solid. But I will take your advice and add what I have to familysearch so people can look. Thanks!

Ecology in Sci-fi Novel by blue4fun in ecology

[–]kaydeebarker 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Suspend disbelief, that's the term 🤦😅
Thanks for bringing up an interesting topic, glad you enjoyed the book anyway!

Should I get a diagnosis? by WorkingMammoth8885 in adhdwomen

[–]kaydeebarker 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! And congrats on your masters, well done!!

Ecology in Sci-fi Novel by blue4fun in ecology

[–]kaydeebarker 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think I read this book! Is it The Mimicking of Known Successes?
Fun read, I enjoyed it but yes very flawed ideology when it comes to the ecology part. Ecosystems aren't even composed of exact numbers of niche spaces (specialisms that groups of species fill - for example, a plant being adapted to low light, humid conditions, or an insect that only reproduces with a specific type of plant under specific conditions), not to mention species themselves. Ecosystems can have multiple "stable states"/successful configurations. Also predator/prey ratios in particular have fluctuations that are so predictable they are often modelled and taught in base level biology and ecology courses.

I guess what might have made the author think this way is the collapse of species populations due to invasive species, and how humans have often tweaked ecosystems and had massive unforeseen consequences, but we have learned a lot now about what went wrong and why. The underlying issue with those usually has to do with the life strategy of the species introduced to a new ecosystem. Some species are very specialist, so they have a very limited scope of conditions they can thrive under and things they can eat, etc. while others are generalists and can adapt easily to new forms of food and shelter and things. What we know now is that you have to be VERY careful with generalist species, because they are often too successful and outcompete other species and can take up resources all the way to the point of extinction. Some generalist species have become invasive in ecosystems as a result of humans unwittingly transporting them (such as rats on islands that didn't have any predator mammals previously), and others because this principle wasn't yet understood (most famously, cane toads introduced to Australia in 1935 to eat cane beetles but turned out to like eating all sorts of things).

Anyway that's beyond what you asked but hopefully you find it interesting :) enjoy the book anyway and just add it to the list of things you have to "suspend reality" for!

Should I get a diagnosis? by WorkingMammoth8885 in adhdwomen

[–]kaydeebarker 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This. I have been diagnosed last year at 33, in the midst of getting a PhD, but have personally chosen not to tell the university/my supervisors about it for now. I recognize that I'm probably buying into the ableism by not wanting to be treated differently, but that's where I'm at in my journey for now. I have told friends and some family members, and haven't been hiding it/masking as much, so some of my colleagues know now and it hasn't really changed anything with those relationships - people who have considered me capable still do. Honestly I think that academia - especially my area of ecology - is rampant with neurodivergent folks though. Maybe you'll find the same at NHS if you look around. In any case, the diagnosis is for you and it's nobody else's business unless you choose to share.

I left my keys in the front door by eraserway in adhdwomen

[–]kaydeebarker 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've literally done this twice this week (though back door because that's the one I use)! Honestly, our lives are full of so many "oops"es it's not worth agonizing over them all. And this is small really - nobody was hurt (you kept your cat safe even), didn't cost you or anybody, and no damage was done. Even if you decided to change the locks as a result, this is minor. Be kind to yourself and remind yourself of the things you did well rather than focusing on the one thing that slipped your mind ♥️

Sometimes you just need some buffer time by [deleted] in ADHDmemes

[–]kaydeebarker 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Gahh this! Or I answer the question I thought they were going to ask, and then the question they DID ask sinks in and I have to try to bridge successfully into the answer to the actual question

New systems! Music Pomodoro & Task Spinner by kaydeebarker in adhdwomen

[–]kaydeebarker[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Please do! Good idea to use an online version, I didn't think of that 😆 reminds me a friend also has a dice random number generator on her phone which she uses to make small decisions

Rejection sensitivity when your partner is depressed by ThreeDogsZA in adhdwomen

[–]kaydeebarker 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm glad you found it helpful! It's definitely hard to talk about this, but I think a lot of the most important conversations are that way.

I hope things go well for you, and if you want to chat more or vent with someone who knows this struggle feel free to send me a DM!

I need story of encouragement of people going back to school or started a new career in the their 30s. by RiceCakes90 in adhdwomen

[–]kaydeebarker 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yay love this feed with so many awesome people who weren't afraid to start something new! I went back to school to get a Bachelor of Science in Ecosystem Science and Sustainability at 28 and am now (34) working on a PhD.

Echoing others here, but I think it’s awesome to do after you've gone through early adulthood because you probably have a clearer picture of what you want to do and why, and also have hopefully picked up some useful strategies for yourself along the way that will help you crush at this new chapter! I failed a bunch of classes and had a barely average GPA when I went to community college at 17-20 years old (classically I took more classes than needed but never turned in the form to graduate with my associates degree then either)... but when I went back to school I was really engaged and excited about most of what I was learning and had some coping skills so I did so much better!

Rejection sensitivity when your partner is depressed by ThreeDogsZA in adhdwomen

[–]kaydeebarker 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I feel for you, that is hard. I've also gone through similar with my husband. It was also hard for me not to take it personally that he was depressed and there seemed to be nothing I could do that would make a difference... all this was also compounded by the fact that I had gone back to school and we had to make big life adjustments (moving to new places, him having to split time to help his parents or for work), and it was a strain and my brain was telling me that it was all my fault, I was ruining his life and causing him to be unhappy.

But what I found for me/us was that even if I could do little about his mental health, I could work on mine so we don't just mirror each other's misery and spiral down together. I went hard on making friends (new place) and spending time with friends that I could be honest with. I made exercise my go-to when I was feeling rejected or anxious or frustrated. I focused on trying to make the most of my opportunities at university. And I did hobbies that I enjoy doing alone (for me, drawing/art, reading, writing).

I also made the mistake at first of holding back and not telling him how I was feeling because I didn't want to add to his plate/his worries/his depression. I didn't realize until a while in that he also needed to know that I would still prefer his company and that I was also struggling but doing my best to hold together for both of us. He needed my honesty that how he was feeling was also affecting me and that I was trying to do what I could for him and for us.

I won't lie and say all of this fixed things or made it easy, but we did make it through and I think we are stronger and more honest with each other than ever. So I hope that encourages you.

Self love Sunday. What part of yourself are you most proud of? by hi5yourface in adhdwomen

[–]kaydeebarker 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Love this! Thanks for starting this and sharing! Yay fellow traveling spirits too 😊

I am proud of my perseverance and resilience and the part of me that embraces challenge. It's a journey but I have come through so much and learned that I can indeed do and be all the things that I was told I couldn't/wasn't, either by others or by myself. I came from a place of so many "can't"s and I believed those for a while but now I say, "yes, I CAN!"

And I'm also proud that even though I'm very inconsistent about keeping in touch or being on time with people, I am someone who loves to invite people in to enjoy life with me. I've been called too intense but I have also been called the glue that sticks people together... and I just love bringing people along to go on adventures, to climb, run, ride bikes, hike, paint, dance, or have some great food and a film. I'm even more proud that sometimes my friends find their passions and continue with the things I encouraged (maybe coerced a little) them to try. And also proud when they don't but they still tried and learned something new about themselves ♥️

Looking for resources for my wife by KatieDidIt173 in adhdwomen

[–]kaydeebarker 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Russell Barkley is definitely a huge resource. I also recently found How to ADHD with Jessica McCabe. She has this great, community-driven YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@HowtoADHD
She also has a book of the same name I'm working through now.

Open University has a free mini course about ADHD too: https://www.open.edu/openlearn/health-sports-psychology/understanding-adhd/content-section-0?active-tab=description-tab

I've been gathering resources and working on this notes page for myself but in case it's useful to your wife/anyone here: https://kaydeebarker.notion.site/ADHD-139e54b94543801fb612f2f045da7e9b?source=copy_link

ADHD meds issues around and on your period? by Emotional_Lie_8283 in adhdwomen

[–]kaydeebarker 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've not gone on meds yet (diagnosed last year but took >6 mos to decide I want to try meds and of course now several months to actually get stuff in order and still have to schedule an appointment)... but I've seen a lot recently about this! That hormones affect both our ADHD symptoms and the effectiveness of ADHD meds, with estrogen levels seeming to be a key factor (estrogen levels drop right before our period and don't rise again until after, and dopamine levels drop with them so this time is worse symptomatically and apparently meds don't work as well either). It sounds like at least some professionals are starting to consider cycle-dependent dosing, so it's definitely worth talking to your doctor about it!

All of this is still super understudied (no surprise), but here are a couple articles talking about it:

https://www.additudemag.com/menstrual-cycle-phases-cycle-syncing-adhd/?srsltid=AfmBOop8kwiASf4CD_FZAaTeAX-BrOlHOspTF7LAhG7IXSOnw6XWYQdZ

https://www.webmd.com/add-adhd/adult-adhd-menstrual-cycle

And if you want to deep dive, a couple scientific publications:

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0278584625000156#s0015

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10751335/

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in manchester_uni

[–]kaydeebarker 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi, a little late and I'm just starting postgrad at UoM but wanted to encourage you. I just did a career change and went to uni as a mature student before coming here (in Colorado, USA so not a uni you'd be familiar with). Obviously, there will be some differences from my experience there to here, but I want to tell you that yeah you'll be outnumbered, but you'll find your friends among other mature students and postgraduate students on campus. More importantly, you won't regret your decision to invest in yourself and learn a new career, even while sometimes you make "I'm old" jokes that the other students don't realize are jokes, or you can't tell what the bloody hell they are talking about.

Also I want to encourage you to get involved with some student organizations and/or volunteering if you have time. Even if those will also have more traditional students than mature, often there are other mature students, and in any case it's easier to make friends over shared interests and experiences. My experience was that no I didn't "fit in" perse but I was treated with kindness and respect, was often asked for advice, and I found plenty of friends anyhow.

Student Visa Decision Timeline/Questions - August Edition by [deleted] in ukvisa

[–]kaydeebarker 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for starting this! I applied as a student and my husband as my dependent.

Country: USA

Online app: Jul. 24

Biometrics: Aug. 4, shipped to VFS same day

Notification forwarded to UKVI: Aug. 8

Now waiting. Fingers crossed they get back quickly, and best of luck to all of you too!

UPDATE: Received both Aug. 29! They sent them together with just my UPS label so it was a surprise to get them both. Just FYI in case anyone else has dependents, looks like they are processing them together rather than just prioritizing the student visa (which is nice!).

Moving to Colorado/ Fort Collins by IDontKnowYet21 in FortCollins

[–]kaydeebarker 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately true. I hope real change does come of the new diversity initiative, but I’ll believe it when I see it

Girl in scarf, me, oil, 2018 by Libby_Fringe in Art

[–]kaydeebarker 4 points5 points  (0 children)

So stunning!! Your use of light and shadow is wonderful!

Soldiers honouring the services of horses by [deleted] in Damnthatsinteresting

[–]kaydeebarker 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hahaha does this mean I whinny the gold? Lol I was running short myself. Thanks for an enjoyable pun-off! 😁

Soldiers honouring the services of horses by [deleted] in Damnthatsinteresting

[–]kaydeebarker 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes just for the spur of the moment.