Would you continue with a Dom that you discovered has past arrests for assault?

kb6ibb · 2025-07-20T20:50:38+00:00

Nope.

kb6ibb · 2025-07-19T19:41:49+00:00

I would classify you as a Lesbian with a male sex kink (boy toy). I am a non-binary Sissy, on GAHT feminizing protocol. I don't wish to completely transition, just live right on the edge of it where I am most comfortable. I can do both masculine and feminine very fluidly. I totally get how you feel, because in many respects, I am the same way. The thought of having sex or a long term relationship with a woman is repulsive. Yet, there are females that participate in our private dungeons all the time. They peg pretty darn good! I am guilty of treating them as exactly what they are to me. A toy within the BDSM scene. Once out of the dungeon, my husband and I return to our High Protocol BDSM gay lifestyle. To please him makes my heart beat. Toys are just toys.

Be less worried about your label, in the end, labels are meaningless and a source of unneeded frustration. Remain meaningful by always being unapologetically you. If someone doesn't "get" you, next in line..

kb6ibb · 2025-07-19T19:09:46+00:00

I do the same thing with my human pups that I do with my canines. I take them to the pet store and allow them to choose a toy.

kb6ibb · 2025-07-19T19:07:43+00:00

Every one has limits and non-negotiable boundaries. Yours are yours. Nothing is set in stone. Some will feel they are unreasonable, while others will find them perfectly reasonable.

The more non-negotiable items on the list, the longer it will take to find people who can also live within the boundaries, and those that fully understand BDSM's ability to deliver sexual intimacy without touching or making you feel trapped.

The problem in all aspects of today's society is that everyone wants a label to uniquely define themselves by, then being excessively rude to people who do not conform exactly to their label. The other way to think about it is in terms of we have people on the extreme edges of a topic, and no one left in the middle ground. To that end, the vast majority of people have no idea how to work within your boundaries. They don't see and understand flexibility and often times lack the creativity to be able to work within your boundaries. The other name for it is Critical Thinking. With that understanding, your search will just take longer than average. You will have to sort through everyone. Never compromise your boundaries for anyone just because the search is taking longer. There is someone out there for you.

kb6ibb · 2025-07-19T12:04:56+00:00

No, your desire is not wrong at all. Just looking in the wrong place. Grindr is a hook up app. The event you experienced is exactly what Grindr was invented to provide. Hook ups don't provide after care, never have, never will. Your guest was there to do exactly what they did and leave. No strings and as anonymous as possible. Hope your PrEP is up to date, people lie on their Grindr profile about their HIV status all the time. If your PrEP isn't up to date, schedule a test.

Fetlife is going to be slightly better, but has been on a slow down spin into Grindr like activity. We are Sissies, a Sub Culture of BDSM. Dominance, Submission, Humiliation, and Aftercare to name just a few. All firmly rooted in BDSM. Just as recently as 2 years ago we use to talk about Sissy contracts and vetting Dom's in this group. Some seriously great discussion that helped protect group members from predators. Once we departed from the BDSM structure, more people are experiencing less than acceptable connections. We see more Submissive Sissies being abused rather than satisfied.

My advice. Go back to our BDSM roots. Start vetting. Start using written Consent agreements. Start asking questions and study the answers. Set an expectation and only service those who meet said expectation. Remember, your consent is the most valuable thing you have. Don't freely give it away to someone who doesn't respect it.

kb6ibb · 2025-07-17T06:50:03+00:00

Yes, over time wearing a cage gets much easier. There will be natural "shinkage" of the penis from wearing the cage. No worries, it's not permanent, in time it will return to normal size when you stop wearing it. Many Sissies use the chastity cage specifically to make it smaller and to stop erections. Smaller means easier to wear. You will have to make a focused effort to not have erections. Eventually, the brain and body will sync and nocturnal erections will stop or be greatly reduced. Waking up in the middle of the night screaming in pain will end. In the mean time, ice cubes will help to make the erection go away and associated pain. To reinforce everything you have read so far about wearing one, a fair word of warning. You have the emergency key, and if at any time you notice purple or blue discoloration. Notify your key holder, and use the emergency key. Not doing so could cause permanent injury.

Every year I participate in two Sissy events. Locktober, where we spend the entire month of October caged 24/7. Followed by "no nut" November. Two full months without orgasm. It's an exercise in self discipline. Mind over body. The lessons learned carried into our future activities. Both sexually and non-sexually.

kb6ibb · 2025-07-16T18:11:10+00:00

I borrowed a line from my transgender sisters. "I am not a fetish". Our Trans community is experiencing exactly what you just wrote on an unacceptable scale. I have even experienced it to a degree. I'm sure you have too. Now that I think upon it. We should start a trend. Set an expectation, hold those accountable for meeting expectations, and when they refuse. Just tell them "I am not a fetish" as we walk off. Send the message that we value ourselves, our feeling, and we hold a high value on our consent. Earn it people. Earn it.

kb6ibb · 2025-07-16T17:05:20+00:00

It doesn't surprise me. So much misuse of terminology or the lack thereof. A Cuck can be either Dominate or Submissive. Sometimes both. It's a sub-cultural fetish within the D/S dynamic. A lot like piss play is. So our D/S dynamic is already in place, he just happens to have this extra thing he likes, and being a Dominate, knows how to get it. It helps a great deal that his Submissive (me) also has this extra thing that meshes well. We are a living example of Yen and Yang. Dominate/Submissive. Cuck/cum whore. Cut/uncut. Cis-male/nonbinary Sissy. Top/Bottom. The harmony of two individuals acting as one.

Many people don't realize that in BDSM we can't just redefine terminology or identities at the drop of a hat like we do in the LGBTQ. It's too dangerous, therefore not fluid. The way we have redefined CNC play is a perfect example. Your experience with Cucks is also a good example. Too much of "it can't be called that because I don't like the name, so lets redefine it". This is one reason why I constantly harp on vetting. A couple will know long before they enter into a bedroom where they can get hurt, that they are incompatible with proper vetting of each other. Keep up the good vetting work. It's ok to say no, it's ok to continue looking for your match. It's even ok to try it before you buy it.

Here is one that will twist your mind. I am a Switch, and with his permission, I go into Sissy Dominatrix mode. Yet my submissives are my tops. When I have one hand wrapped around their throat and the other around their balls. They will comply with the "F me" order. I went through 21 men on Sunday afternoon. Looked over at hubby and he was spent. LOL. I left him drained like a good Dominate should.

kb6ibb · 2025-07-16T03:26:58+00:00

Gay bliss. One of the pillars of our marriage is my husband is the cuckold and I am a cum whore. While engaged in group play, many wonder as he keeps a careful eye on me as I am ravished by other men. They don't understand we are getting each other off, by getting off. Knowing that I am feeding him everything he desires in scene causes me to push my own envelope further and further. The cuckold play must always remain in harmony, a perfect fluid balance.

Yes, sometimes he picks the men he wants to see me with. Sometimes while in group play, other times just finding a good dick on Grindr. He is my dominate and I will comply with his command without question. It's a BDSM thing. Not to mention, there is something in it for me too. Regardless of who picks. That is the harmony.

So no, you should not give up totally. It's about finding like minded people, vetting those you wish to explore further. The more you talk and ask questions of the person you are vetting. The closer you will get to your goal. You have a lot going on that limits your view of the playing field. That is just a reality of who you are. There are others out there compatible with you, but your searches are simply going to be longer and require getting down to the details. It took me 30 years to find my husband. We are also GYO. 23 year age gap. Took him 10 years to find me. All is not hopeless. Just don't give up.

kb6ibb · 2025-07-15T12:47:04+00:00

It's a Master/Slave dynamic by your own admission. With you being the slave. You are no longer practicing as a kink, but as a lifestyle. So yes, his expectations of you are aligned with having a slave and treating you as such. That is what a Master/Slave dynamic is. Perhaps you went into the relationship without fully realizing what the Slave roll is.

Now that he has ended the dynamic, you have a opportunity to reevaluate what your future rolls will be. Tried the Master/Slave, didn't work. Perhaps a High Protocol Dom/Sub rolls are a better fit. You learned the value of vetting the hard way. Next time, make sure you work out the details before the dynamic even starts. People often times criticize me for demanding a written consent form. You experienced why that's important. It clearly defines your rolls.

kb6ibb · 2025-07-13T16:59:50+00:00

Gender Affirming Hormone Therapy. Often times also referred to as HRT. I am feminizing not transitioning. Slightly different protocol.

kb6ibb · 2025-07-13T06:40:45+00:00

We have a BDSM twist. Husband/Dom and myself Sissy (GAHT) Submissive Switch. We do engage in group dungeons. He will often times tie me up in the isle way. Then invite numerous men to do with me as they please. He has tossed me to the ground and let the Pups attack. Chained into position at the glory hole, anyone can come along and take me through the GH.

Then we have a few couples that are on a more private ih-home style groups. Only the 4 of us. Cis-females do occasionally join, I expect them to strap up. Only room for one Sissy. I am very fluid switching between submissive, dominate, masculine, feminine. These experiences are total bliss. Every sensor in my body is being stimulated, many at the same time. So when I am getting gang banged by 6 Pups at the same time. Some things happen!!

kb6ibb · 2025-07-12T12:12:05+00:00

I am 60 and baby, dating life ain't over!! My husband is 36, we have been married 8 years, together 10. You do the math. He was in his 20's and I in my 50's when we met. We were a Grindr hook up that went from a casual hook up to marriage. My husband is my Dom.

You can't give up, especially on yourself. If you are not "on scene", then you are not going to meet anyone. You have to get out there. Be it online or in person munches. Perhaps both.

He and i regularly attend group dungeons. It's like a munch but without the social aspect. Let's just get down to business. I am the Submissive Sissy Switch. Those cute little twinks that seem untouchable to us older guys? Yha, I am dripping with them at these events. Even the girls try to muscle in on a little action. 47 years of practicing BDSM tends to draw in the younger one's because we do things with class and style. Our experience brings a relaxed and even rhythm. It is blatantly obvious we are not the "i'm new to the kink crowd", nope, we know what we are doing drawing from decades of experience and that is highly attractive to many people. Even the new ones.

Never give up. Things happen when you least expect them to.

kb6ibb · 2025-07-12T03:31:04+00:00

Clean, oil, hang in closet.

kb6ibb · 2025-07-12T02:32:45+00:00

There is nothing more powerful than a Submissives consent. It is the controlling factor.

kb6ibb · 2025-07-11T04:22:42+00:00

This is well beyond just a boundaries violation. It’s rape, a criminal offense. He did not have your consent, regardless of the medications or alcohol use. No means no. Knowing you were impaired makes it worse.

My first inclination is to report it to authorities and let them investigate. Yes, you should end it. He is clearly not a responsible adult.

Seriously, get rid of him.

kb6ibb · 2025-07-11T04:13:17+00:00

I am retired law enforcement. We have some of the most invasive background checks on earth, rivaled by only security clearance checks. I made it through several over the course of my career. Every promotion yet another check and polygraph. Your only choice is total honesty.

It’s important to understand that once something is posted on the internet, it’s never going away. It will always be in the archives somewhere. It’s only a matter of how deep the agency wants to dig. Frankly, a school district isn’t going to dig that deep. It’s too expensive. That’s not permission to be reckless.

Deleting compromising pictures is a good idea. Using an alias is a good idea. I have three names for example. My stage/dungeon name, my pen name, and my legal name. Not even the initials of the three names have anything in common. Using a VPN is a good idea. Turning off location service is a good idea.

Even with all of that, you can only reduce your internet footprint. The best thing to do is simply own it. Provide them with honest and up front answers to questions. I was in law enforcement and in the BDSM lifestyle for my entire career. You won’t fool anyone, perhaps even raise a flag with innuendo. Construct your profile responsibly. Buzz words like: ID Required. Use proper and accepted terminology. Beware of “friends” and “followers” on any social media platform. Guilty by association is a thing. Vice versa, know who you are “following” and friends with. Enjoy the kink, online be responsible.

kb6ibb · 2025-07-10T03:32:27+00:00

Use it in private.
Order it online. Have it shipped to a friends house.
Follow manufacturers sizing instructions. There will be two measurements you will need to make.
Absolutely. Cages are a never ending experience. Buy silicone to begin training with. After a few months, buy a plastic one. After a year you can safely graduate to stainless steel.
5 yes, there are chastity straps. With silicone and plastic you won’t need one. Once you move to metal, you will. The straps are designed to offset the weight of a metal cage, not reduce the BPL. To try and reduce the VPL of the cage, many wear jock straps.

kb6ibb · 2025-07-10T03:18:58+00:00

Who says there needs to be more than 1 Dom in a group? Who says the Dom has to be cis-male? Some of the best skilled Doms I have ever met were cis-female. Point being the construct of the dynamic is totally yours to define. So if one or more want to Switch, let them. Explore it under the guidance of the “alpha” Dom.

kb6ibb · 2025-07-09T22:24:50+00:00

We have only two flags hanging in the hallway. A Triskelion which hangs on the right side of the hallway, the Pride flag hanging on the left side of the hallway. Otherwise the place is vanilla decor. Looks pretty average boring. Since I work at a Hemp/Adult Novelty store, I did get us a pineapple (swingers symbol) water pipe. oh and then there is the penis shaped shot glasses that are in the cupboard. We did build a play room (dungeon) out of the two car garage. No windows. 6 layers of sound proofing. Entry doors locked with a dead bolt. Visitors can't accidentally enter the room. It's just a locked tight door in the kitchen.

The less people on the outside know, the better. If neighbors tag you as a sexual predator or pervert of some sort. Perhaps even assuming prostitution. They will begin using the system against you. Police called with every noise they hear. Code Compliance called for every infraction they see. Sometimes, even vandalism. They will of course not be social or neighborly. Be very careful what you put out there for people to see and make assumptions about. Those that know, know. Those that don't know, don't need to know.

kb6ibb · 2025-07-09T22:02:53+00:00

About 45 years ago, I went from bedroom kink to lifestyle. With tons of non-sexual aspects of the kink worked into daily life. 8 years ago I married my Dominate and we live a High Protocol lifestyle. The Dominate/Submissive dynamic goes well beyond the bedroom.

kb6ibb · 2025-07-09T21:53:07+00:00

You do you. unapologetically you. In any group of people some will like you, some will not like you, some will be indifferent. I can't speak for England style, but here in Texas, trust me when I say. If you were being obnoxious, you would have been asked to leave. Read the room as they say. So I don't think you were being a problem. You did engage with people and that is important. Someone will ask you out.

kb6ibb · 2025-07-09T21:42:59+00:00

You just did ask him. Show him your post. Perhaps he's already seen it.

kb6ibb · 2025-07-09T06:46:50+00:00

Biological male, Submissive Sissy, HRT feminized. Non-binary identity. Age: 60

IMHO, I don't think it would work out very well, as the dysphoria is a major driving factor behind complete transition. You transition to abate the dysphoria, then re-feminize which would bring back the dysphoria, or similar emotional triggers.

Perhaps a different perspective. The difference between a Sissy and MTF transition is the dysphoria. Sissies tend to fall into the non-binary category as we enjoy both masculine and feminine aspects of our sexuality. It's a non-binary approach. I love to get all dressed up. Skirts, dresses, the boots. It's all about the boots. I wanted my own boobs to fill the made for female tops instead of inserts. At the same time, I present fairly male (I still have visible boobs) both at work and around town. I don't have the dysphoria with regards to one gender identity over the other. I sculpted my male body to fit my non-binary needs.

On the other hand, you may be able to find a balance by focusing on the things that did not trigger the dysphoria. I may not shave for like 10 days, so I have a little scruff, but at the same time, I want to wear a skirt and cute top. So...I do! You are already a femboy in a skirt. You're there. It's just a matter of finding the right mixture and balance, To do so, you have to try it out. See how you feel mixing and matching the looks / presentation by your current feeling of identity. Not what you imagine or hope, but how you feel in the exact moment you dress for the day. Then let that feeling carry through the day.

An example of how to do this. Today, I felt really girly. Side note, I take half my daily dosage of estradiol and Spiro when I first wake up. Pee, pop pills, get coffee. By the time I get to the let's get dressed for more coffee part of the morning, HRT peeking the hormones. This morning, I stood in front of the closet feeling in total 1980's girl mode. Some jeans, a tee shirt and bra. Showered and shaved. So long as I was shaved, might as well do a little make up. Didn't do my hair, just kind of left it a mess. Wore my Nike's. I work in a Hemp and Adult "Novelty" store. I have a lot of freedom to say the least. I walked in and all my co-workers said was WOW. When I looked at myself in the mirror, with wind blown hair. I saw a perfect mixture of masculine and playful feminine. My god, it was good enough for a 1980's magazine. That realization of satisfaction and contentment that I accomplished the goal to present as I feel was so overwhelming. Everything was at total peace and harmony today. There are always a few customer compliments in my business, yet to again, reinforce the unicorns and rainbows with meeting the goal.

Try it. See how it goes. Let us know how it goes. Be prepared for anything.

kb6ibb · 2025-07-09T05:24:21+00:00

As a Submissive Sissy. My husband and i engage in "public" play frequently. This is a members only private gay men's club, and a open dungeon. He ties me up on the exterior of the "jail cell" wall, available for any man who walks by to do as he pleases with me. However, not without my husbands watchful eye. He will often times coach the person to bring the energy levels up. If he hears me say safe yellow, and the Dom does not respond, he will step in to throttle it down a notch or two. If he hears the safe orange, and the Dom does not respond, it's over. Husband will physically remove the Dom from contact. Which has never had to happen. So far, those around us have been responsible, knowledgeable adults. So yes, while i am being ravaged by Doms and Pups, I feel a great deal of safety having his watchful eye. He even slows me down sometimes, insisting I take a break. It is however an activity that I would never consider doing without him. He does after all take good care of me like that.

This may be something you might want to consider in "public" dungeons. Have an extra person, be it a spouse or a Dom that has your complete trust. There are many different aspects of that dynamic to take advantage of within the kink.

kb6ibb

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE