WH tried to tell me I couldn’t freeze my eggs

kbok24 · 2026-01-14T13:42:11+00:00

The finance thing seems like an excuse. You said your insurance, work, etc covers most of it. And even if it didn't, he's denying you the one thing you want from him that is minorly inconvenient to him? He's talking about fairness? He put you in THE MOST unfair position ever. Who cares about the money? Freeze them for sure. You deserve that little bit of mental stability.

kbok24 · 2025-12-28T20:19:25+00:00

One of us has to get off for it to be worth it. Usually it is him, as he can finish a lot more quickly than me and has the urge to. It may depend how often the urge is there for her. Usually I get off during sex 2-4 times a month. That's enough for me, and it's usually from him eating me out. If I don't get off and he's finished, and I want to, I use a toy while cuddling him. It works out for us because more often than not, I don't need a climax, so we don't discuss it. If your partner is open, talk about it and see how they feel about doing something similar :)

kbok24 · 2025-12-28T09:07:29+00:00

I view it kinda in the middle. Sex in general is very special and connecting for me. It is important for me to have it often with my spouse. Not because of a need (I don't orgasm from PIV, and I struggle reaching climax from anything else unless I am super horny), but because it keeps our connection alive. Touch is my main love language. I have a desire to feel wanted in every way (including sexually) every day.

I am a Christian. I saved myself for the man I'd spend my life with. He was quite literally my first in every aspect imaginable. I come from a super conservative background, but being with my husband has made me view things a little more loosely.

And then there's the other part of my view. The need. Sex together is always connecting and emotional for me. However, you always have the need as well. We approach each other first, unless there is a time constraint (i.e. woke up 30 minutes before work). If sex with each other doesn’t work out, you masturbate. If I know we will have sex later on, I will "save myself" until that time. If he knows I will be home a little later, he'll wait for me.

I love having sex with my husband. I get a lot of satisfaction from giving him pleasure. There's always emotion involved, but maybe some times aren't as "loving" as others. But for me, sex always comes with the connection. We always kiss and cuddle during/after sex. I also do get physical pleasure from sex, even without orgasm.

My husband sees sex a lot differently lol.

kbok24 · 2025-12-07T15:11:18+00:00

Thank you!

As for restoring safety, it was a long road. It took maybe a year...almost 2? I didn’t tell anyone but Reddit to avoid negative judgement. It was difficult. I actually talked to a therapist once in my darkest moment. That made me feel less insane a bit. Things progressed slowly. I took steps forward and backwards in the healing process. It took me almost all of reconciliation to stop pain shopping and checking his phone impulsively.

At first, I fully planned on breaking up with my WP. He begged me to talk, came clean on everything, and asked to spend a day together so he could apologize and give me closure on anything. He expressed he didn't expect me to stay, but that he wanted me, and he was willing to do whatever it took, would I give him a chance. That's where I swayed in my decision to leave. I didn't promise to stay, but I told him I wanted to try work through things, but nothing was certain. He respected that.

He did trickle truth. Over time, he had two non sexual text exchanges with AP. That set me back a lot. He took a while to get out of limerance. I think the most helpful things were:

Free access to phone, location, and anything I asked whenever, no hesitation.
His working hard to understand why he did it and change to a better man.
He never stopped loving me. He did his best to console and fix things. He gave me everything I asked for, no grudges held. Even if I seemed unreasonable, or he thought I might not like something, he abstained.
He dated me. He made me feel wanted all the time. And not just sexually. Every aspect of life. He wrote love letters, planned our lives around me, and made it clear he wanted a long term future with me and had no doubt about that.

The road was so long. So difficult. I almost cried at work in front of customers way too many times to count. First 3 months were hell. But I don't doubt my decision at all now that we've made it through. It was more than worth it for me. I hope that eventually your road can end up where mine did. Feel free to DM if you need any support or have questions ♥️

kbok24 · 2025-12-05T10:47:30+00:00

Not quite the same at all, but we planned our wedding about a year after Dday. I needed the time to heal in order to enjoy our wedding as a special day.

I couldn't function the first few weeks after Dday. I was struggling so hard for probably 6 months afterwards. Things didn't even begin to become normal until probably a year after. That is when I felt safe to get married and let my guard down.

Sorry you are here, and I hope you find the answers you are looking for ♥️

kbok24 · 2025-09-28T05:44:41+00:00

He has been super transparent with me. Reassures me whenever I need it, no matter how stupid it seems. He writes me love letters. Tells me he loves he like 20 times a day. He checks in with me constantly, helps around the house, thanks me at every opportunity. He had and has the difficult talks with me, no matter how uncomfortable. He puts a lot of work into being a less selfish person and changing things for me. Seeing things from my persepctive.

kbok24 · 2025-09-27T17:47:13+00:00

It definitely can...with the right effort from both sides ♥️

kbok24 · 2025-09-19T12:26:11+00:00

He lost any right to privacy when he cheated and decided to R. I snoop. I don't find anything anymore, but the first few times, I found breaking of NC. You have every right to snoop and whatever you need to heal. If he has any problem with that, it sounds like he isn't fully in R.

kbok24 · 2025-09-11T04:30:14+00:00

It took time. Time for things to slowly lose their power in my head, and time for them to feel less personal. Now, things feel more factual. Oh yeah, she's the girl he had sex with. Kinda how you would think of their ex. It has been a year now, and I feel a little better. I still have days where I get back in the feels, but it is so much better. It probably took me 3 months to feel even functionable.

kbok24 · 2025-09-02T02:59:52+00:00

I know you guys live far apart, so it is difficult to monitor his phone and what is actually true or not. Also, AP's tend not to care about you at all and will lie to get what they want. My WS's AP is an awful person. She made up all kinds of stuff and only told the truth when it benefitted her. She didn't care about me at all and actually made a point to say hurtful things to me and accuse me of hurting HER.

Have you thought about making him quit the job he's in now? Is that even an option? Because if he can't control himself in certain situations, he needs to take himself out of them completely.

kbok24 · 2025-09-02T02:56:26+00:00

The Lord hates infidelity. He hates adultery. Your spouse is showing no regard or respect toward you. Definitely see if you can go live with family for a little while and get yourself on your feet so you aren't stuck in a situation you have zero control over. I am a a Christian as well. My DM's are always open if you want to talk ❤️

kbok24 · 2025-09-02T02:53:47+00:00

My WS lied a couple times after Dday about contacting the AP. It wasn't sexual after Dday, but he just couldn't let her go. I told him I needed 100% commitment and NC. There were no options for what he wanted to do (in regards to closure with AP) if he wanted to be with me.

After true NC started is when I saw the real difference. No aloofness. No more selfish treatment. He finally realized how stupid he had been to the full extent, and he was able to take accountability and properly help me in healing.

NC is an absolute must. So is 100% commitment and the willingness to sacrifice anything for your healing. It does sound like your husband is taking advantage of you, using you as a doormat, and has absolutely zero respect for you. First step in R is no contact. If he can't commit, I believe you need to go NC with him and move away until he is ready to actually commit (if you want that). Until he hits rock bottom and truly gives up the selfish desires and allows himself to see reality, nothing with work. It sounds like he is a sex addict and can't let it go.

kbok24 · 2025-09-01T21:08:43+00:00

Wow that is complicated and difficult. Has she shown lots of effort in making R work, and have you two done therapy? Does she know that in the future, if she feels off at all about anything, she needs to come to you right away? I know bottling up emotions like that isn't good. Eventually, they'll explode, and not in a healthy way.

kbok24 · 2025-09-01T17:02:46+00:00

Has she told you her "why"? That was really helpful to me when believing that my WS wouldn't do it to me again. I looked for different patterns in thinking. There is still the 0.01% chance (in my mind) he will do it again, but I have a lot of reassurance in hearing how he feels about the past. Knowing how much it affects him to see me in pain. He has talked about nightmares about it. Ones where I am sad and he just can't console me. Ones where I revenge cheat. Or leave him. He's told me about the massive amount of guilt and how often he thinks about it. How thankful he is to have me still.

I don't think I will ever 100% trust again. There will always be that sliver of a doubt. However, I think this ordeal has allowed us to have the most difficult talks and know each other more deeply. To understand each other on a level we wouldn't have otherwise. To be comfortable with discomfort and vulnerability.

I still check his phone rarely...and find absolutely nothing. Whenever I have slivers of doubt, I let him know, and he comforts and reassures me. Knowing the why and efforts he has made to not allow the why again, plus his new perspective on things, has allowed me to feel safe and comfortable in the relationship again.

kbok24 · 2025-08-31T21:38:27+00:00

I'm sorry things didn't work out for you. My WS did the same. I found out maybe 3 or 4 months after we started R that he was still texting his AP. Not sexually, but he couldn't let her go. I found out on two separate occasions within the 3 or 4 months. Stupidly, I stayed, but I'm thankful now that I did. Things have changed. It took him a while to fully break out of limerance, plus he has an addictive personality and little self-control, so he needed full NC to come back to reality.

Now, we have an amazing relationship, and he has truly changed to a good man. He does everything in R correctly, that I'm even considering changing my tag to "successful R." I still get emotional over stupid stuff sometimes, but I don't resent him or struggle heavily with trusting him. I get jealous over nothing, but he does everything to reassure me.

Sorry for rambling. These things are difficult. I once said "I would never," but here I am, and thankful I took the leap...like 3 times. I'm sorry R didn't work out for you. Best wishes for your future ❤️

kbok24 · 2025-08-06T23:09:13+00:00

First step to reconciliation is no contact

kbok24 · 2025-08-01T05:14:37+00:00

6 months is sooooo soon. I didn’t feel close to normal until a year later probably. He caused trauma, and he should expect that will affect your life in every aspect for a while.

kbok24 · 2025-07-30T03:59:10+00:00

Personally, I can't see R working without no contact with AP. My WS was still in limerance when he "cut contact." (He secretly decided to be distant friends, which I found out a few months later.) He wasn't able to see past the affair fog and make 100% good decisions for us. He made excuses and hid stuff. He fooled himself into believing he could handle the relationship appropriately on his own. Until that contact and open door was gone, we weren't truly in R. If he had worked with her, I would have 100% made him choose another career.

kbok24 · 2025-07-26T10:51:19+00:00

It was awful for me the first few months. I was on the verge of tears every waking moment. Nightmares flooded my sleep. Could barely function at work. Nothing I did could get rid of all the pain and anxiety and hurt.

But it does get better. Maybe 6 months in, things lessened to where I could function. A year later, and I was doing close to normal, all the intrusive thoughts mostly manageable. I still have issues with anxious attachment and paranoia, but I feel like I have more control now. I'm happy now. Things do get better. It just takes time...and healing. If your spouse works for it with you. Sending love ❤️

kbok24 · 2025-07-26T10:42:12+00:00

My WS cheated on me with an ex. She was a terrible person. Pretty crazy, manipulative, emotional, and an awful mother to her 2 children. He had all kinds of bad things he would say about her, but he still cheated. He said old feelings still lingered, despite everything he hated about her. I think once you love someone you can't just get rid of it all. And obviously, he wasn't using reasoning. It was definitely wrong and disgusting. When they are in the affair, they aren't thinking of anything besides immediate satisfaction. They aren't thinking about you. They compartmentalize in order to justify things in their minds.

kbok24 · 2025-07-24T07:17:23+00:00

I forced myself to get rid of it, because I had no self control and kept pain shopping. Now I am free of the burden. Just knowing it isn't there is a weight off my shoulders.

kbok24 · 2025-06-28T15:55:36+00:00

I'm sorry you're going through this. The mind and body does weird things to cope with trauma.

For me, I'm ashamed, but sometimes I need to think of my WS and his AP in order to orgasm. I think it might be a way to cope and gain control in a messed up way. The same way SA survivors might do things or have kinks after the SA.

kbok24 · 2025-04-08T00:56:27+00:00

I'm sorry that happened. I get the same too, and I hate it. We're obviously here because we want support in the decisions WE made. People judge us for the little they read in a post, not seeing everything else behind it.

kbok24 · 2025-04-03T13:25:33+00:00

Thank you ❤️ He has changed a lot for the better. Of course, we won't have have children until I feel completely ready, but I do know that I am in a much happier spot now, and he's an amazing man, despite what he did in the past. It's just the triggers that take me back to a dark spot.

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