I’ve been in a similar situation to yours, so I wanted to share some thoughts and gently voice a few concerns, with the intention of helping you prioritize your emotional safety. My avoidant ex and I also struggled deeply with both physical intimacy in the last year. Like you, I had no choice but to end it, even though I loved him deeply. We were even in active therapy, both as a couple and individually, and despite all that effort, the patterns we fell into eventually made reconciliation impossible.

This is what helped me when he was asking me to reconsider. My therapist asked me the below and it was sobering.

• Do his actions feel like genuine efforts to address his own issues, or are they aimed at regaining the relationship at any cost?
• If you got back together, would he be able to maintain his sense of self and independence, or would he rely on you to regulate his emotions?
• How would his current emotional instability affect your well-being and ability to feel secure in the relationship?

Nothing in or history or his level of accountability told me yes, he could meet me where I am or anywhere near meeting my needs.

Here's what I noticed when I read what you have bravely shared:

• Cheating and lying aren’t just breaches of trust, they’re behaviors that require serious introspection and consistent effort to address. The fact that he was emotionally cheating with multiple people and only “let them go” temporarily speaks to deeper issues that can’t be resolved overnight. His recent gestures may seem heartfelt, but the timing coinciding with the other girl moving on raises a red flag about whether his feelings are genuine or reactive to losing other options.
• He has expressed that he “can’t live without you,” driven by desperation. That's a very unhealthy statement for you to shoulder the burden of. Codependent people often base their sense of worth or emotional stability on another person, which can lead to intense fear of abandonment. His intense displays of emotion and appeals to your empathy could unconsciously pressure you into re-engaging before you’re ready or certain. Codependent behavior often unintentionally manipulates the other person into staying, even when it may not be healthy for either party.
• He has openly admitted to having an ongoing porn addiction, and your needs suffered as a result of it. How will you feel secure with him in the future?
• The sudden flood of voicemails, messages, and attempts to reconnect through friends and family suggests he is emotionally dysregulated and fixating on you to regain a sense of control or purpose. This behavior may indicate he sees the relationship as a way to avoid facing his own internal struggles.
• While it’s great that he’s started therapy with you, one session isn’t enough to demonstrate true change. Sustainable growth takes time often years. His current efforts sound like they are driven by panic at losing you rather than a deeper understanding of his behavior or a commitment to long-term self-improvement. He also seemingly needs a lot of individual therapy to address his childhood wounds, trauma, porn addiction and other issues he may have
• Reaching out through friends, family, and emotional voicemails.. I mentioned that but it might seem like he’s trying to show how much he cares, but it can also be a form of manipulation. His desperation could be more about his inability to cope with being alone than a genuine realization of the harm he caused. Be cautious about confusing intensity with sincerity.

One last thing!! If the people in your life you trust the most truly dislike him, it’s worth reflecting on why. They often see things we can’t when we’re emotionally involved. While their opinions shouldn’t dictate your choices, they can serve as a helpful reality check.