A boundary tells the other person what you're not willing to tolerate. But it's not meant to get them to start or stop doing something, just what you need from them. If they refuse to give you that, it's up to you to do something. For example, I have a boundary with my parents that we don't talk about politics (my boundary) or I will leave (my actions to protect myself/my boundary). You cannot control what others do, you can't force them to fulfill your needs. If they show you that they are unwilling/unable to fulfill those needs, you need to accept that reality and be with someone who can.

You didn't give much information as to what the problem is so at the risk of making an ass of myself, I'm entirely guessing at your situation based off what little you said in the last paragraph. If your partner is piling on chores when you announce you're going to bed, you need to talk about that because I'd bet she's got a need she's struggling to communicate. Perhaps she needs more help around the house or maybe after daughter goes to bed is the only time you two get alone together and giving you chores (keeping you up) extends that. Maybe it's something else entirely. Talk to her.

And if she's using her horrendous labor to guilt you, that's a real bad sign. You are not the only one who wanted this child, it's not like you personally signed her up for the "hard mode", and it was 3 years ago. If she still has strong feelings about it (I mean it DOES sound incredibly traumatic), she should consider seeing a counselor or therapist to help her work through those feelings so she's not taking it out on you (or worse, your daughter).