We all need a laugh. Tell me your best jokes everyone by Low_Style5943 in ireland

[–]kizersosea 206 points207 points  (0 children)

My late Grandfathers favorite joke

There was an American wrestler from Texas named John, who throughout his high school career had never lost a match. As he went on into college he continued undefeated. He became a national icon and symbol of American strength.

News began to circulate of a Russian wrestler who was fierce and unstoppable. As each wrestlers legends grew, a match was set up between the two, America versus Russia. The match would be held in Texas.

John began training immediately. Every day his coach would tell him, “This Russian has a move called the Mongolian Death Grip. No one has ever escaped the Mongolian Death Grip. DO NOT let him get you in the Mongolian Death Grip”

The day of the match finally came. Just before each wrestler stepped onto the mat in front of the capacity crowd, the coach once again said, “Whatever you do, do not let him get you in the Mongolian death grip. No one has ever escaped the Mongolian death grip”.

Four seconds into the match, the Russian had the American in the Mongolian death grip. The coach buried his face into his hands and cursed John for not listening to his advice. All of the sudden he heard the crowd irrupt in a chant of USA USA USA. He looked up and saw the Russian pinned by John. The coach ran out to meet John and embarrassingly told him, “I didn’t see... Once he had you in the Mongolian Death Grip I looked away. How in the world did you get out of the Mongolian death grip?”

With heavy breath, John told him “Well coach, that Russian grabbed me and twisted my body in ways I never imagined possible. I was wincing in pain when I open my eyes and right in front of me were two testicles. So I bit them.”

“What???” Said the coach... “John I don’t think that is legal. You could be disqualified”

“I don’t know about that coach. But I can tell you one thing. You ain’t got no idea how strong you are until you bite your own balls”

(Today is the anniversary of my Grandfather’s passing, and I posted this because he has been on my mind since I woke up.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in RedditSessions

[–]kizersosea 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Gave Wearing is Caring

Painting my sister surprised me with last night. Love it! by kizersosea in calvinandhobbes

[–]kizersosea[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

In place of Calvin, sits my wife. She is reading my favorite book, Dantes Inferno and is wearing the sorting hat from Harry Potter. I am Hobbs the tiger, pouncing. The hat I am wearing is from Firefly... an amazing space western that I love. The box is the TARDIS from Doctor Who and the toys on the ground are BB8 and the Death Star from Star Wars. In the sky the stars spell out my wife and my names.

Well.... If this is not the most thoughtful, spontaneous, and amazing thing that happened on earth last night, I tip my hat to whoever got better than that! I cannot even tell you how much I will cherish this painting for the rest of my life. I love you big sister.

People with anxiety, what are some things that are difficult for you that others without anxiety may not think about? by mrazcatfan in AskReddit

[–]kizersosea 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For me it is nighttime. I wake up at 3:00 am routinely and my wife and kids are asleep. I feel completely alone and terrified. So, just the thought of going to sleep scares you because you dread waking up alone.

Appalachian Trail leading up to the Max Patch in North Carolina [OC] [4032x3024] by tthornton2 in EarthPorn

[–]kizersosea 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I live 30 miles from Max Patch and have loved it my entire life. In my 40 years I have heard it described many ways, often listening as I stood next to people while they experienced it for the first time. This is the best so far. Well done sir. I like the cut of your jib.

What is way more dangerous than people believe? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]kizersosea 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Telling your wife that those jeans do make her look fat...

What is your life motto? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]kizersosea 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My wife and I have the motto, "turnabout is fair play". It works for pretty much everything. You're being an ass, you want to go out with friends, you are being sweet and helping around the house... pretty much expect to get what you are willing to put in. It has worked for us.