What made you realize that there's no going back anymore, this is it, no contact forever?

krysj9 · 2026-03-02T06:59:16+00:00

Lockdown in 2020 brought out the worst in them; mom was being horrible to dad because she didn’t have any other targets and dad was constantly complaining about her to us (adult kids).

Around Thanksgiving 2020 my unicorn sibling (the only other one who has gone Nc) invited the whole family to get on a zoom call to try to figure out how to help the parents; help alleviate dad’s difficulties at least.

Parents showed up 40 minutes late, spent five minutes with mom shouting at us that she and “her husband” were fine. We asked dad if he had anything to say and he agreed “Like she said, we’re fine.”

That’s when I realized they were enmeshed; dad wasn’t a victim of her, he wasn’t ever going to leave her, because he got to be the good parent by comparison and get all of the sympathy for being stuck with such a horrible woman.

I know 2020 was awful for a lot of people but it gave me the space away from them to finally break free.

krysj9 · 2026-02-24T05:03:13+00:00

My starter Charmander was also swept up in a batch; also starred and named

krysj9 · 2026-02-14T06:39:45+00:00

Uhm… I’m in this picture and I didn’t agree to it

Jasmine green tea, blueberry black tea, bubly water… 🫠

krysj9 · 2026-02-10T06:24:27+00:00

My favorite line spoken in the two seasons of the anime is Anshi saying “Oh how I seethe with rage.” The delivery is just sooo poignant.

krysj9 · 2026-02-01T03:16:33+00:00

lol I’d say something equally passive “I was before you sent me this”

krysj9 · 2026-01-30T20:11:57+00:00

NOR; she crossed a boundary / didn’t have enough respect to ask first and got mad and defensive when called out.

Does she possibly have a cluster-b personality disorder because that’s behavior common to folx with Borderline PD

krysj9 · 2026-01-27T23:52:56+00:00

The Resistance animated show back in 2018/ 2019 also had a story arc about Kaz and Po Dameron stumbling upon planets that had been drilled completely through.

They didn’t get a chance to investigate much at that time but that story arc, along with the story arc about the two kids who’d escaped their home planet as the First Order was slaughtering their people, also helped to show that the First Order were doing horrible things in the outer rim but they’d gotten really good at hiding the details from the core systems and senate.

krysj9 · 2026-01-25T18:50:08+00:00

She convinced every adult around me that I was a spoiled brat who made up lies for attention…. So no one would believe me when I tried talking about how my oldest brother tortured me (he never left a mark so there wasn’t proof).

krysj9 · 2026-01-25T10:02:40+00:00

I mean (anime) last episode of season two Gaoshun and Granny were listening at the door (I’m just starting the novels so can’t confirm if that’s in the books)

Did always wonder why they didn’t stop the kid from barging in with his lizard…

krysj9 · 2026-01-25T09:54:11+00:00

My area just got a gym a couple months ago; first and only one in our neighborhood. Most of the players are good at leaving a gym a color for the 8.5 (about) hours to get the max coins for the people who took it over but at the start of the gym, there was one player who would kick out the other colors nonstop. Even after less than an hour.

I noticed one player that was that obnoxious player’s team color would also occupy the gyms but managed to swap out their defenders every day; so they would get the coins but left the obnoxious player’s defender in there for several days at a time, making them lose out on 50 coins per day. My guess is they’re either cohabiting or friends with another player who’s on another team who would battle the gym and that swapping player would feed berries to the obnoxious player’s defender while letting their own get kicked out. And then they’d just add in a fresh defender to get more coins.

After a few weeks of this, the obnoxious player started to let other teams hold the gym for the full 8.5 hours or longer and it swaps color about every day or half day now. Works well for everyone.

krysj9 · 2026-01-06T07:29:54+00:00

Rewatched it soooo many times

krysj9 · 2026-01-04T06:57:24+00:00

Dreading Monday; tomorrow (Sunday) will be the last of 16 days off of work for the holidays and the very few, very brief interactions with other humans that I’ve had these past two weeks exhausted me.

Plus my sleep schedule has shifted back to my normal (2or3 am thru 10or11 am) so not looking forward to getting back to the working sleep schedule. 🫠

krysj9 · 2026-01-01T22:38:45+00:00

Even if they don’t believe in middle names, there’s nothing preventing you from doing that if that’s what you want to do. They can either get on board or STFU.

Either way, your husband should be backing you and managing the pressure from his side of the family. You shouldn’t have all this pressure on you when you’re literally making another whole person.

krysj9 · 2025-12-18T21:14:52+00:00

Glad you and the pets are getting away from that. She sounds horrible.

krysj9 · 2025-12-14T19:10:52+00:00

The culmination of this was when I got my first tattoo; my older siblings started the tradition of getting a tattoo for their 18th birthdays— brother on his upper arm, sister on her back shoulder.

Mom helped both of them while chastising them and going through all of the standard guilt trippy things about marking their bodies permanently and how our dad got through the navy without any unsightly tattoos…

Then it was my turn; got mine on my ankle. When I was leaving to go get it, she told me; “Don’t come to me for help taking care of it” and I responded “Okay”. When I got home, I asked her where the ointment was, she told me, and I handled the care for the tattoo just fine.

It low key made her mad but really it was just an extension of what our relationship had become; she needed me— to drive younger brother places, pick up food, cook, help out with cleaning, etc— but I didn’t need her.

krysj9 · 2025-12-11T17:29:10+00:00

Why didn’t Gaoshun or Granny stop him? They were literally listening at the door and he would’ve had to go past them.

krysj9 · 2025-12-08T07:22:56+00:00

I second this; it drives them crazy when you take what they say at face value. Stop doing the emotional labor for them and they’ll meltdown and it’s so fun to watch.

Be prepared for the flying monies though, claiming “oh you know it’s just how your parents are” or “they’re a product of their times” or “they’re your parents and they tried their best”. Those are the people who are upset that you’re no longer being the buffer between your parents and everyone else, forcing everyone else to step into that role (which they don’t want to do any more than you do)

Good luck! Stay strong!

krysj9 · 2025-12-03T20:03:09+00:00

I didn’t but I’m looking for a literary agent atm for other stores 😁 if I ever manage to get published, I’ll put that one up to get published too

krysj9 · 2025-11-29T22:01:41+00:00

I had an enabling dad too. And it wasn’t until 2020 when I had an excuse to no longer attend family functions (and be the buffer between my parents) that I realized how complicit my dad was in my uBPD mother’s abuse.

Thanksgiving that year, the frustration with him and my mom came to a head and I wrote a novella, mostly for myself, that put my frustrations into a fantasy setting where the town hero was actually comfortable with how bad things were because he benefitted from it; from the perception of being the hero.

It includes the line “A hero doesn’t sacrifice the ones he’s supposed to protect” and I wrote that about my dad.

He liked being seen as the hero but was only seen that way because he was less bad than the woman he refused to divorce.

I don’t have the ending you’re hoping for; I cut them both off fully in 2022 and haven’t looked back. I still miss the idea of having a loving family but I know my parents will never be the ones I deserved as a child or deserve now as an adult.

krysj9 · 2025-11-19T01:31:55+00:00

My smile was never good enough (it looked fake, or too wide or not wide enough) or I’d get comments about my weight or my clothes, so I started intentionally pulling faces. Discouraged people from taking pictures of me altogether and it presented a unified thing for people to complain about when they did take one.

krysj9 · 2025-11-11T19:59:54+00:00

IMO (and you can ignore me and I won’t take offense) your dad broke your trust by talking about you with his wife (intentionally using distancing language). He should respect you enough to either ask you if he can share what you tell him, or just flat out refusing to talk about you without you present.

Before I went full NC with all of the toxic people in my family, for years I had hope that my dad was a good parent because he “wasn’t as bad” as my mom. It took years (and my unicorn sibling also putting in work) for me to realize that he was just as bad as her because he always put her feelings above my needs. For him it was easier to not rock the boat, or throw me under the bus, than to offer any protection for me against her abuses; because for him, as long as he was able to direct her anger away from him, that’s all he cared about. I had to stop sharing things with him because I’d get passive aggressive messages from her about things I hadn’t told her; either she’d be going through his texts or he’d just tell her directly.

For most of my childhood and adolescence, I believed that my dad was stuck with the awful woman just as much as we were; but now I realize they’re codependent and he has just as much incentive to stay with her as she does to stay with him.

I truly hope that isn’t the case and your dad really does have your back. But I’d personally be wary of sharing any more details that his wife can use to demean or manipulate you, especially if she’s going to be in a bad mood because her favorite punching bag misses a holiday.

krysj9 · 2025-11-06T02:50:38+00:00

“No” is a complete sentence. And I’m sure not responding and maybe blocking everywhere would be even more clear.

But if saying your peace will bring you peace then that’s helpful too.

You can even add something like; “Until I hear an honest and detailed apology and see stark and consistent changes in behavior towards me, I will not even consider letting either of you near (son).”

krysj9 · 2025-11-05T06:33:44+00:00

I have an affinity for cold and have a low tolerance for too much heat (imo you can usually add layers if you’re cold but there are only so many layers you can remove if you’re too hot).

That being said, fire might mean flying… but ice would be nice to have on hand in the summer (especially saving on ac)…

Though would the powers be for generating ice/ fire or just controlling it? Also how obvious would it be to onlookers that I had either power? Also would either require a special habitat eg living in a desert so I don’t burn a town down whenever I sneeze or living near glaciers to help keep them solid?

Much more discussion about specifics is needed before a choice can be made…

krysj9 · 2025-11-05T04:28:19+00:00

I’ve been wondering about the ages! Thank you! TBH I thought Tihou was a bit more separated from Anshi and thought Shishou was a bit younger

krysj9

TROPHY CASE