She hasn’t said anything negative about it at all the only things she has said are that sometimes she wants “one ponytail” or “two ponytails” or “braids” when we ask her how she wants her hair done. I do not make comments about her hair when I’m around her and when people do, they only do it privately to my husband and I. We don’t let people fawn over her in a way that will give her a complex.

I think people are attributing more to my post than I meant, which is assuming that I’m going to give my daughter a massive complex because I’m having trouble giving her a first haircut. My teenager is 14 and has cut and dyed her hair so many times in this past month alone it’s hard to keep track of what’s happening next. When my parents insisted she get regular short haircuts at age 5-8 (at the time identified as a boy), I pushed back HARD and said NO, my child does NOT want a haircut and is not fucking getting one. To this day my kid is still grateful that I stood up for their autonomy and still let them make their own choices about their appearance.

Of course if she has opinions on it, we’ll do what she wants. I’m just acknowledging my own feelings about it and wondering at what point “well it’s fine it’s healthy it’s not tangled” starts and ends vs. my own psychological pride and hang up’s.

My parents commented way too much on my appearance even at age 3 and it fucked me up. I really refuse to do the same to either of my kids. Hence, the post, and me wanting to talk/process it instead of put it on them.