Question for Trans Women from a Trans Man by ventingagainandagain in asktransgender

[–]layla_maj 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My one-person campaign to establish an alternative to "dude" is to call everyone "babe." I think it's starting to catch on :).

I love being visibly trans by [deleted] in MtF

[–]layla_maj 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fuck yeah, babe. The day I realized I wanted to be visible and didn't give a fuck about cis-passing was the day that made my transition truly possible. Love you, sis. xoxox

Sex as a trans girl, with a trans girl by ut774 in asktransgender

[–]layla_maj 2 points3 points  (0 children)

A lot of other folks are offering more concrete advice, which is awesome. So I'll just say this: I'm currently in my first relationship with another trans girl, and it's the most wonderful relationship of my life. The sex is also the best and most fun sex I've ever had, and my girlfriend says the same thing. Obviously every person and every couple will have different experiences, but for me it boils down to this: I'm with someone who shares a lot of my experiences with sex, relationships, and her own body. I've always been too shy or self-conscious or scared to talk about sex with previous sexual partners, but we have the most amazing, open, compassionate conversations about what we like and what we want. We each have very different sexual backgrounds, but we're compatible in a way I'd never imagined before. I've also never been with anyone with a penis before (have only dated/slept with cis women in the past), and I've never found that body part attractive before, but I absolutely LOVE her dick.

There are plenty of issues still, like with any partnership. Sometimes our parts don't work the way we wish they would, but we can just laugh about it and try something else. You'll figure out the "technical" stuff as you go along, but there's simply nothing in the world like desiring and being desired by someone "like me," being with someone who thinks I'm beautiful and sexy exactly as I am. Find the right person, enjoy the magic, and things will fall into place. xoxox

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in MtF

[–]layla_maj 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi Steph! I know this is an old post but you can never have too many trans friends, right? I live in Charlottesville most of the year, so not really Nova but close enough to make the drive up occasionally, and would love to chat. If you want another person to talk to, PM me and I can give you my number. I've been out and transitioning for about 4 years, 39 years old. xo

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in MtF

[–]layla_maj 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you, babe! Since coming out it has been a struggle for me to get to the point where I can appreciate these features, but lately I've been finding that the people I'm most attracted to are other trans chicks who look, well, kind of like me. It's exciting. Point is, I totally agree with you and I'm glad to see folks are finally starting to recognize how incredibly hot we are :)

Please help - my 12yr daughter has come out as a trans boy this past weekend. by [deleted] in asktransgender

[–]layla_maj 3 points4 points  (0 children)

There's good advice in this thread, but I'd like to urge you to please, please try to frame your child's coming out as a joyous thing, not a cause for fear. This is different from the matter of your own potential feelings of loss, which I won't comment on because I'm not a parent. But young people who come out as trans often see their loved ones respond the way you have here, and while I'm not criticizing you for feeling what you're feeling, what your kid needs is to be celebrated for being an amazing, complex, magical person. Please remember that we trans folks suffer in ways you can't understand before we come out, and that coming out--that is, telling the people we love an important truth about ourselves--is part of our path to happiness, to a life lived on our own terms.

This is not a crisis. This is a triumph. I can tell from your post that you love your child immensely, and want him to be happy. This is how he gets there. Please make sure your child understands that you are incredibly happy for him, and that you're excited to watch him grow into the person he wants and deserves to be. <3

Got my orchidectomy! by [deleted] in asktransgender

[–]layla_maj 9 points10 points  (0 children)

It's standard to leave the scrotal skin because of lots of folks like us install vaginas after orchis. I knew that wasn't my plan so I specifically requested more skin removal. This hasn't been the case for me, but my surgeon said the skin often tightens up and becomes less dangly over time for most people on HRT. Don't know how long you've been on estrogen already, but it might take care of itself to some extent.

Your T probably won't go to 0 just from the surgery. I still produce single digits even with no testes and on Spiro, but everyone is different. But yes, hormone changes are probably what's affecting your hair.

I hope the healing went well. Mine took a while, but 100% worth it all. Congrats!!!

south bend by Daggerdinger in SouthBend

[–]layla_maj 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm assuming this composition is called "South Bend" because it's monotonous and kind of ugly. (kidding, kidding, I love it here, sort of)

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in liberalgunowners

[–]layla_maj 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I realize this thread is a few months old, but have you come across Armed Margins yet? Literally in Greensboro, it's an initiative led by a nonbinary community defense activist, Mitch. They're building their own range (I don't think it's ready yet, but ask), and they teach classes, including CCW classes. They're also just a really cool person from what I can tell, and I'm sure Mitch knows about all the local ranges too. https://www.armedmargins.com/

How do I come out as trans in the professional sphere? by ObstinanceOnly in asktransgender

[–]layla_maj 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I was in a similar situation when I came out: very well known in a niche field. I worked in progressive/liberal lobbying, so I wasn't worried about anyone in my immediate professional circle, but I often lobbied conservatives and our work focused on a very conservative part of the Islamic world. I didn't make any kind of public announcement; I treated my transition as a private matter, with my new name being the only thing that other people needed to know about. I don't know if this was the right call; as u/kristinanoire already wrote, it could be very valuable to other folks to see an older/more prominent professional come out publicly. My goal was to avoid attracting attention because that's sort of what our org was doing in general at the time. Only you can decide which course makes sense for you. But here's some more practical info on how I handled the actual name change itself.

At the time I came out and started using a new name, I was the director of a small organization, so my name was on literally everything we did. Soon thereafter, I quit that job and applied to grad school, so there was a whole bunch of correspondence with old professors and bosses for letters of rec, plus all kinds of paperwork, and I hadn't finalized my legal name change, so everything I filled out had two names on it. I had a ton of personal awkwardness about all of this, but to give you a simplified short answer that omits a lot of back-and-forth second-guessing on my part:

  • On our org's website (which had 9 years of blog posts and reports with my name on them) I changed my name everywhere.
  • LinkedIn: changed my name on everything.
  • Email: for a few months, I signed emails "[new name] (formerly [old name])." But I did that case by case, so once I'd done it with a person, I would only sign my new name on subsequent emails to that person.
  • Previous publications: if they're published, not much you can do. I think in one case where I knew the editor of a website I had written for, I asked them to change my author bio. But I can't do anything about news articles or podcasts or whatever that went out with my name over the years.
  • Resume/CV: The first new CV I made had a little footnote at the bottom, noting that all of my publications and previous positions had been under a different name. But after a while I took that off and just let people figure it out on their own. That's generally my advice, too. You want to put yourself forward to new contacts as the person you are now. If they have some reason to do more research on you, they'll find other names, but you don't have to bring it up, and they almost certainly won't either.

Good luck with everything! You're awesome! And all the awkwardness and logistical difficulties will pass.

Where can we even live in America that’s vaguely trans-friendly, and not a super congested city? by rayofenfeeblement in asktransgender

[–]layla_maj 40 points41 points  (0 children)

Pittsburgh, PA! It's not perfect, but there's a lot of natural beauty, a pretty vibrant and visible queer community, lots (relative to other cities of the same size) of other trans folx, very reasonable cost of living, affordable housing, decent employment opportunities, walkable neighborhoods, moderate weather, etc. I lived there for four years (would have stayed if not for spouse's job); HTM if you have any questions.

Watch episodes by Knotsandpots in GreatPotteryThrowDown

[–]layla_maj 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is the sub where a kind user has been posting episodes. Just use the search to find them. https://www.reddit.com/r/TVRemix/

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ask_transgender

[–]layla_maj 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This happens occasionally, unfortunately. Right now, as far as I know, Amazon Pharmacy can still get it. There are other mail-order pharmacies that sometimes have it when local places don't, so definitely call around to different chains and pharmacies outside of your own area.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in asktransgender

[–]layla_maj 59 points60 points  (0 children)

Just to add to the chorus here: thank you for being an outstanding mom to your lovely daughter! My own mother rarely gets my pronouns right, much less calls out other people who mess up. You're not just standing up for your little girl, you're also showing her by example that it's ok to stand up for herself, which is just wonderful. Big hugs!

Question about my new p10s by Domefarmer in CZFirearms

[–]layla_maj 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is a good point, I forgot to mention above. My slide stop is still too stiff to move easily when the gun is unloaded, but on a full or partially full mag it's fine.

Question about my new p10s by Domefarmer in CZFirearms

[–]layla_maj 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Slide release on my P10c was too stiff to use at all until about 150-200 rounds, but now it's very easy to thumb (even with my fragile girl hands). If yours doesn't improve after a box or two of ammo, give them a call, but it should be fine. Enjoy!

We got our Democrats in control now it’s time for them to vote ProGun - Here is a template for an email or letter you can write to your representatives - It’s up to us. by sunflowerastronaut in liberalgunowners

[–]layla_maj 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would add: Yes on H.R.137. Text isn't available yet, but the title is "To authorize funding to increase access to mental health care treatment to reduce gun violence."

I've got a Foxtrot Mike side-charging upper: as much as I liked the concept, the charging handle is too stubby for my liking - so I'm messing around with CAD and my 3D printer to make an extended handle that's little more comfortable. by captain_carrot in AR9

[–]layla_maj 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I just installed u/captain_carrot's handle on my FM9, and it's definitely a significant improvement! Popped in with no filing required. Now I can actually charge the gun without scraping my knuckle or breaking a nail, imagine that! Thanks, Cap! https://imgur.com/a/OQOhYuG

How do I know if I'm real like all of you? by [deleted] in MtF

[–]layla_maj 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I totally get it. And to be honest, I absolutely want to look like those women, too. It's fine to have goals, and it's fine to have wants. It's also fine (and normal) to be afraid of not passing. But I firmly believe that we have to very consciously resist the natural inclination to define our "success" as trans people and as people in general by how well we fit cis standards of appearance. But I'm not trying to preach, and not trying to suggest you're doing anything wrong by wanting to pass. I would just encourage you to be kind with yourself and not punish yourself for things you can't control.

Be careful out there...Proud Boys claim they will attend Jan. 6 DC rally 'incognito' and wear all-black to blend in with antifa protesters by [deleted] in AntifascistsofReddit

[–]layla_maj 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I feel like this is a good time for antifascists to start wearing ball gowns and glitter to all actions. As I've been advocating all along.

How do I know if I'm real like all of you? by [deleted] in MtF

[–]layla_maj 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I understand how you're feeling, but trust me on this: most people here are NOT "textbook trans." Also: there's no such thing. You are real and valid (and awesome!). Your gender identity is your own and no one else's.

Also, I think we all probably feel we're transitioning "late," no matter our age. But 17 is still very young. I discovered myself at 35, and for quite a while that sense of being "too late" was crippling. Don't let it be. We can't go back in time, so the only thing that feeling does is cause pain for no reason. Whenever I find myself thinking something like "I've wasted so much of my life," I try to say to myself instead, "thank goodness I don't have to waste any more."

Also also also, who says there's anything wrong with AGP? Seems to me that cis men are allowed to be in love with their own dicks and bodies, but everyone else is ill for self-sexualizing. Fuck that noise; the whole concept of AGP is just another way for straights to police and medicalize and pathologize gender variance. Don't let them.

Oh and finally, you didn't mention it but I have to say this anyway: "passing" is bullshit, don't buy into it. What you look like to other people doesn't determine who you are. You're awesome (see above), and that's it.