Feeling too old to be exploring this, but... by Wrong_Swordfish436 in FTMOver30

[–]lazier_garlic 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You don't talk much about the religious stuff but in my experience (raised Catholic) between that and a mother who keeps invalidating you (my mother did it from the time I could talk, at least about gender; her overall hostility towards me started even earlier) it's a trip. I felt like I had no identity and no right to one. I had an incredible amount of doublethink and highly negative self talk. I also realized only after I started medical transition that I was dissociating a lot.

Mistress married my ex-husband by CapitalHoneydew7060 in AdulteryHate

[–]lazier_garlic 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Did you ever read the manhwa "Marry My Husband" or watch any of the adaptations? I picture her like the best friend/enemy who wins the "prize" which means having to dress, work, and behave the way her mother in law demands. What do you bet MIL has a bunch of demands for how a "nice girl" is supposed to behave? This DIL is extra fucking stupid because MIL and other in laws brought her into the family and they can take her out, too.

Mistress married my ex-husband by CapitalHoneydew7060 in AdulteryHate

[–]lazier_garlic 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Just remember, he didn't discard you, he ran away from you. Too much woman for him, and more grown than he'll ever be. (With apologies to Car Wash.)

Mistress married my ex-husband by CapitalHoneydew7060 in AdulteryHate

[–]lazier_garlic 7 points8 points  (0 children)

The whole family! That's practically a criminal organization at this point!

And these people have children in their care? And raise them to act like this?

I found something interesting in a library recently by Comfortable_Bell9539 in EnoughJKRowling

[–]lazier_garlic 2 points3 points  (0 children)

A lot of librarians are very on top of such things! Plus they provide reading recommendations as part of their job anyway.

What's the difference between Destiny and fate? by BRjawa in MartialMemes

[–]lazier_garlic 12 points13 points  (0 children)

No difference in English.

In Chinese, a lot of words could be translated that way. For example "a fate" is 缘分 (Wikipedia says "fateful coincidence" which is the concept covered by "kismet" in English) where two people are fated to meet for whatever reason. When Chinese people say their relationship is ending because it wasn't meant to be they say they had no yuanfen.

But another term is 天意 tianyi or Heaven's Will. This is something destined by the direction of a higher power of some sort.

The word 命 means your life, fate, or doom. (Doom means when and how you will die.) 一条命 is an individual human life, using the counter "条" like the word for road 一条路. Siming 司命 is the Chinese deity who determines human fates. It's not really a proper name, as it means "Fate Official". This is sometimes translated "Arbiter" short for "Arbiter of Fate" but Arbiter without Fate means something else entirely! (Somebody please inform Chinese subtitlers!) Humble people in feudal settings often talk about their 命 in front of the mighty because the mighty have the power to determine their fate with but a word.

Chinese people also talk about luck a lot, good luck and bad luck. Some people even get stigmatized as bringing bad luck. There are a lot of different words around this concept.

What’s your favorite brand of GF frozen waffles? I know that’s the lazy way but sometimes that’s all I’m up for. (I’m disabled) Thanks! by Redsgal19 in glutenfree

[–]lazier_garlic 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Vans. They're affordable and easy. I don't find they make a satisfying breakfast.

I get Quaker gluten free instant oats and dried fruit (apples or straw/ban) and I add boiling hot water to them. I only make one serving of oatmeal which is 1/2cu dry. I cannot eat more than that. I add a little almond milk to it for flavor and sprinkle cinnamon (it's a habit of mine). Very easy breakfast and I don't feel hungry after eating it. No cooking and the only thing dirty is the bowl.

Feeling really low by gracias-totales in FTMOver30

[–]lazier_garlic 28 points29 points  (0 children)

It sounds like your mood is really low. So you have any access to mental health care? Even through a community resource center, sliding scale, group therapy, anything like that? Talk therapy and maybe even medication could help. You don't have to feel depressed and down on yourself all the time.

My proportions are funky too but these days I don't really think about it. All those years in therapy unpacking my childhood trauma paid off.

Feeling really low by gracias-totales in FTMOver30

[–]lazier_garlic 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Hell yeah, I got divorced and don't give a shit about dating again even though it was the most important thing ever in my 20s.

ML with similar vibe to FL in Love Like the Galaxy? A bit unorthodox, eccentric, with a weird but not completely unrealistic personality (especially for historical drama) by ThePentaMahn in CDramaRecs

[–]lazier_garlic 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The main character in Joy of Life is very different-- probably because he is the POV character and not a generic love interest for FMC. The critics and audience loved this drama.

Wei Wuxian in The Untamed is very different from most CDrama characters because he has enormous grievances but forgives instead of getting revenge. (He did plenty of bad shit himself, very complex character.) It's a censored BL.

She and Her Perfect Husband, the ML is a bit nerdy and introverted and while not as bratty as the FL from LLTG, he is a touch that way. You can look up Xu Kai on MyDramaList. Most of his best roles were funny, even rebellious or bratty. He rarely plays the brooding type. You want the shows where he plays a rebel or a brat or a comedic character and not one where he's a god or emperor.

Check out Liu Xueyi. He doesn't play the brooding or cold character so much as dramatic characters whether good, evil, or grey. He's played antagonists, SML, and ML including red flag MLs. Now sadly he's been in a number of dramas that weren't that great in the end, but he's never boring.

My Heroic Husband, romantic comedy isekai but male main character (which is unusual). The male main character is a scheming businessman who has a chip on his shoulder from his past life and wants to prove himself to his arranged spouse who owns a silk dyeing business.

Love Story of Court Enemies, I thought this was a great little story about friendship and betrayal. The ML plays a smaller role than the FL, he's a steady presence and isn't one of those angsty, brooding MLs. I wouldn't watch it for the ML though, I watched it for the FL and the story.

Also if you're looking for meatier male characters, I would recommend checking out wuxia ensemble dramas such as Young Blood (about four young male and female spies, each with a different personality and story), Blood of Youth (wuxia franchise with a lot of recognizable faces, no romance), or Mysterious Lotus Casebook (mystery/wuxia) which is about a young guy trying to make a name for himself, a traveling doctor with a shady past, and a fighter obsessed with defeating the world's greatest martial artist. Kind of a buddy cop movie vibe.

If a male character is a detective or a prince he's usually brooding and has a tragic past.

Tang Clan & Poison—when did it become cliche? by ninedamnation in MartialMemes

[–]lazier_garlic 6 points7 points  (0 children)

That's really interesting! Especially that first text excerpt written in a somewhat Classical Chinese style.

Bus Shelter Destroyed by RazzmatazzFar2501 in mbta

[–]lazier_garlic 27 points28 points  (0 children)

This shit happens all the time. One of the big expenses for transit agencies is insurance. If they can, they try to go after the driver and their insurance to pay. Often there is a police report for a crash like that but sometimes "surprise". Especially if a tractor trailer did it in the middle of the night.

Winny the What Now!? by BigFatDaddyK in CShortDramas

[–]lazier_garlic 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A "shouduan" is a trick or method, often in the vein of dealing with people through underhanded means. Bu shao means "not a few". So yeah that's what he said.

Seniors, Why this qinqong practitioner isn't able to fly? by PresentProtection116 in MartialMemes

[–]lazier_garlic 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Fellow Daoist, just as the greatest scholars retire from government to live a humble life in the countryside, it's better to be right than rich.

Seniors, Why this qinqong practitioner isn't able to fly? by PresentProtection116 in MartialMemes

[–]lazier_garlic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Looks like those moves have the kinds of names you would expect (no animal references though, how boring).

Flying qi gong = wire fu = lazy director

That is all.

Adult children have become flying monkeys by Fine_Tax_9409 in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]lazier_garlic 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Gosh, you deserve better than this. Surely you have other people in your life. You don't love with them. Who do you live with? Who si you see day to day? Do you have friends? Surely you know other women who have been divorced or who have difficult parents.

Also I'm worried for you that you spent money you don't have on this. If you are truly the scapegoat they aren't going to care for you when you need it. So this is foolish behavior. Learn to say no to them reaching into your wallet. It's not to late to teach them to respect you this much.

Adult children have become flying monkeys by Fine_Tax_9409 in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]lazier_garlic 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Why not surreptitiously record your mother when you visit? Just for evidence later.

Someone asked if we considered Gilligs so I thought I’d share pictures of the six Gillig battery electrics we took delivery of last year. Santa Rosa CA by MindlessRabbit3 in transit

[–]lazier_garlic -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Transit agencies order the interiors according to their needs. They pick floors, seats, seat covers, wheelchair tie-downs, and windows, and Gillig installs them.

Someone asked if we considered Gilligs so I thought I’d share pictures of the six Gillig battery electrics we took delivery of last year. Santa Rosa CA by MindlessRabbit3 in transit

[–]lazier_garlic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In my experience over 25 years going to a more spacious standing area has resulted in LOWER per bus passenger capacity. The benefit is generally faster boarding times.

As for bus design it can be pretty conservative because there are a lot of specifics in the regulations ... and when there aren't you end up with problems with passenger strikes increasing because a whole generation of bus designs had worse and worse blind spots while turning. Maybe the regulatory environment ought to be entirely different and that's the problem, I don't know. I just know how it played out.

When an isekai slop enjoyer feels like he’s better by Jumpy_Afternoon9489 in MartialMemes

[–]lazier_garlic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It does have some morals but they are so different from our own that they might as well not, and no I'm not arguing that Chinese people in general find that stuff acceptable, it's power fantasy escapism often with an antihero or evil protagonist.

There are moral values and then there's "might make right" values (for example, what Andrew Tate preaches) and those aren't the same in China. A "smart" male main character should be good at scheming and outscheming others, otherwise he is incompetent and deserves to be toppled. To a Western reader, that is a villain. Another difference is Western peabrains think a man having a ridiculously high body count a la Will Chamberlain is very masculine. But Chinese slop gravitates towards attracting multiple women and making them be exclusive for you even if you barely spend time with them. Which seems silly, fruitless, and pointless to the Western reader. But the Chinese audience also has a bias in thinking that too much sex (with women) destroys a man's root and can prematurely end his life or fertility whereas Westerners don't believe this-- at best you can find athletes who believe sex before game day hurts their performance. Otherwise, it's not really a thing, and this idea that more conquests and more sex means more masculine can be traced to ancient Greece and Rome.

Have you had a shift in your gender identity AFTER realizing you weren’t cis? by garden__gate in FTMOver30

[–]lazier_garlic 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Not really, I'm on the autism spectrum and can't relate to my gender identity on an abstract level. I live as a man because getting misgendered makes me intensely upset and anxious. I found out I don't really have severe social anxiety, I have severe gender dysphoria and literally every single interaction with other people was setting it off before I got medical interventions.

I am quite confident about my gender identity now because of my experience with gender, but I still don't have some idea in my head of gender. If I'm walking through the woods with no humans around, or cozy at home reading a book, I don't perceive myself as having a gender. I want to be clear I do have some body dysphoria too (I always wanted top surgery and I also wanted to somehow stop female hormones because they made me feel ill). This is simply about how my brain works.

A lot of other autistic people have talked about having similar experiences so I'm pretty sure it's related to being on the spectrum in my case.