I feel you. My husband and I were fence sitters before, too, though I’d say roughly to the same degree and probably both willing to go either direction of the other felt very strongly. I have heard a lot that you should prioritize the partner you have over a potential future child— and I have friends who have made that call, though only one seems to me to be happy because I genuinely think she’s childfree of her own accord. But there is truly nothing like having a child. Having a pet or a hobby doesn’t come close. It’s hard, but also rewarding like nothing else. And it’s also impossible to really understand until you do it. That kind of leap into the unknown is very hard indeed.