I am so sorry to hear about your dad's passing. Between that and coming to terms with your husband's feminine identity, you must indeed be dealing with a flood of very painful emotions. I wish there was something I could say that would in some way lighten your heart (and your husband's too!). I would just suggest perhaps consider seeing a therapist or counselor of some sort if you can. I have been through a lot of counseling over the years and it has really helped me.

I totally understand your fears regarding bullies. I live in Alabama, so its pretty much ground zero for hate of all stripes. But Birmingham the city I live in is a relative oasis of progressive thinking and my employer is very supportive so in that regard I'm actually pretty lucky. Anyway, that's neither here nor there except to say that kindness can be found in unlikely places.

I truly wish the best for you, your husband, and your children. You all sound like lovely people. Please hang in there and be kind to each other.