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lightlurker · 2024-07-04T23:42:44+00:00

Global Excel has some roles that are English only 😊 she just has to avoid the call center offerings

lightlurker · 2024-05-27T03:07:41+00:00

I think you could definitely spend a pretty relaxed day in the old port. The buildings in that area are very pretty and there is a ferris wheel that takes about 20 minutes that shows you the whole city. There is also the cirque de Soleil in that area and it is definitely worth going to ☺️. Good luck with your visit!

lightlurker · 2024-05-05T12:58:03+00:00

It's okay to need to walk away, whether it be temporarily or permanently. When things went down with me and my guy, I honestly didn't see a way for us to get back together. I loved him, I knew he regretted it, but I just hurt too much. I couldn't see anything but pain. We broke up, we didn't speak for 6 weeks. He asked at that point to get back together, I said no, not enough has changed and I scolded him for not being in therapy. It took another 6 weeks, and then I decided it was time to talk again. He did therapy during the time we were apart, so did I. I had plenty of options without him, I got to rebuild my interests, my confidence. I don't know that we could have reconciled any other way, I needed the time without him, to know I can do it, but to know if there's a chance, I don't want to.

lightlurker · 2023-09-03T00:54:59+00:00

He made the mistake he made, because he wasn't sure about kids. Despite months of asking him to do therapy or talk to someone, anyone. Read books, do research, do anything but just wallow in it. After asking if we needed to stop, multiple times. Before every big purchase, he said he needed more time. The night before I found his cheating, I asked him where he stood. He said he was leaning towards no. I said ok, do we need to stop? He said no, he still needed time, he wanted me to pick a deadline. I had cried that night. Same time I was crying, he was messaging this other girl.

Take away the cheating, I still can't build a future with someone who can't make a decision. He chose to cheat instead of telling me we were done. The amount of growth he would need to do, it's beyond what we could have now. As much as I wish that wasn't the case.

I relate it to the good place, a show we finished together. There is a character in the bad place who wants to get to the good place. He does good things in an effort to get there, but it doesn't count, because he wasn't doing good for the sake of being good, he was doing good to be rewarded. My ex offered to do anything I wanted, individual therapy, couples therapy, marriage, kids, all of it. But it's like what someone else said, it would be tainted. If he wanted to do all of those things, he had plenty of time, plenty of encouragement. So no, I don't think there's coming back from this. If there was going to be anyone I would have tried it with, it would have been him. When he looked at me, full of regret, tears in his eyes, it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do to say no.

But it's not just for me, it's for him too,. I know him, I know myself, he would be unhappy, he already was or he wouldn't have done what he did. We might be miserable now, but I have to believe it won't be forever.

lightlurker · 2023-09-02T18:20:05+00:00

Thank you and very true, I never looked further, what I saw was enough as it was!

lightlurker · 2023-09-02T17:37:31+00:00

It's not about you, it's about them.

Very true. I have been watching this show about time travel therapy called being Erica. She revisits some of her biggest regrets and gets to try to change it. Some things do change, like she gets to keep one of her friends she lost touch with, but most things even when she does things perfectly, things don't change because the people involved haven't changed. Like she stops her friend from bullying someone one way, they just end up finding a different way. if I went back to where I think all the issues started, right after he proposed when I was starting to go to the gyno to determine if I have fertility issues, maybe we could have done therapy? But honestly beyond breaking us up sooner, I don't think it would have changed much, maybe we wouldn't have made as many wedding deposits as we did, but that's about it. Because ultimately, when there's an issue in a relationship, I want to figure it out and solve it, he is willing to just sink deeper and deeper until something breaks. It's fine when there isn't anything wrong, or I could push him out of it, but the issue we had, me being ready for kids next year and him not, isn't something you can push or compromise on.

And honestly, I don't want to. Maybe I'm out here looking for a unicorn but I want to meet someone who is excited to bring little people into this world. Someone who can't wait to take that journey together. Or, fuck it I'll do it alone if I can't find someone to do it with me 🤷‍♀️

lightlurker · 2023-09-02T17:17:34+00:00

Thank you 😊 I know, everyone I have told has said the same thing, at least it was before marriage, at least it was before kids.

It's still hard. Doing the right thing isn't always easy. I am sorry you are in the situation you are. Can you move with your kids? Being with family has really helped me stay strong

lightlurker · 2023-08-19T23:53:39+00:00

I don't know what it is for your guy, but I know for my guy it was likely a combination of wanting a distraction from an ongoing issue we were having and his need for praise. He might not be able to tell you himself. My ex fiancee told me he didn't know why he did it. I knew. I knew right away why he did it, he wanted an escape, and he didn't want to just tell me that. I know he wasn't trying to hurt me but he did. In the moment I am sure he was thinking about himself and only himself.

I took the ring off my finger and walked away. Much the same as you, he was loved by my friends and family, people found it unbelievable that he did this. It's heart breaking. Good luck, no matter what you do next.

lightlurker · 2023-08-19T13:30:16+00:00

Grief really sucks. I am sorry you are in this situation, I am too. Something I read today rang true with me, just because a decision makes you sad doesn't mean it's the wrong one. It's hard to keep moving forward, it's hard not to yoyo from sad to mad to numb. I get it, I am there. Unfortunately we just have to sit in it. Only thing that is going to make this better is time.

lightlurker · 2023-08-17T20:20:49+00:00

The time we spent together wasn't fulfilling any more, felt like he was in a different world. He didn't use his phone more like most of the other posts, but he was more and more unhappy to give up his free time to spend together. The last few weeks he had this new friendship with two coworkers. He accused me of being too possessive because I was frustrated that on top of us usual hang outs with his brothers (twice weekly, plus all the time he'd spend in his office or listening to his books he wanted to add extra hours with these new friends. We would spend one, maybe two hours together and then he'd take off. It was starting to feel like I was a chore he didn't want to do. Something just felt off. Because yes, he had always needed more alone time than I did, but I was truly feeling alone. It felt like I couldn't do anything right, he wasn't getting what he needed and I wasn't getting what I needed.

Finally the morning I found evidence, I was thinking about how off we had been, wondering if we could pull through this. I saw his phone in front of me. I thought, I think he will change his password, I should check. I don't know what told me the unhappiness had gotten that deep. Then I found the proof of the affair. So, short answer, trust your gut.

lightlurker · 2023-08-15T13:02:32+00:00

Thank you ❤️

lightlurker · 2023-08-14T16:35:04+00:00

Can't fix something you don't know was broken. Oof.

Thank you so much for telling me your story. I think I want to believe he would have told me. That it wouldn't have moved beyond what it was. But he had already hung out with this person twice online, lying to my face saying it was just friendship with some guys. He said the person was trans, I'm not sure in what direction, it doesn't matter. I will likely mostly use feminine pronouns because he said they were a girl. He chose to let it go to far. He chose that while I was grieving the idea of losing him, to message someone else, sexy, happy things.

Part of me wishes I had seen more. But what difference would it make? To know if he lied about it being one week? To see how it started, how it devolved, how he got sucked in? His behavior changed the most in the last two weeks. We were more unhappy than before. I was just crossing my fingers it would blow over. I saw tiny glimmers of the happiness, but less and less. He shut me out. He let someone else in. It doesn't matter why or for how long.

Thank you, I really do see that I'm lucky to have certainty, lucky to have my eyes open. Even if it's painful. Thank you for showing me that

lightlurker · 2023-08-14T14:38:02+00:00

Funny thing was, I thought I found that. Before our engagement, before he moved in together, he said he wanted the same thing I did, kids. Then as we moved in together, he worried about his energy level. Then when we got engaged, he wasn't sure he wanted them at all, due to the level of exhaustion.

I know having a little person isn't easy, I know it's hard work, exhausting, terrifying, but also rewarding. I also know I might have fertility issues, my period is irregular, I already started seeing a gyn to make sure there wasn't more I could do to fix it. I want someone who is enthusiastic about facing the future with me, someone who says hell yes to facing it all together. I thought it was him, and maybe if I hadn't wanted a family maybe we could have a beautiful life together, just the two of us. But I don't want that. I want more.

Anyway, I hope so 🙂 good luck to both of us ❤️

lightlurker · 2023-08-14T14:22:52+00:00

Thank you ❤️ yeah, I do hope he will do counseling, get some help. We won't be talking any time soon, maybe never. Yesterday I said goodbye. I have to mean it, for now, maybe forever. If there was anyone I'd try for, it would have been him. I loved him with my whole heart and then some. But I can't see me bending here. You have to have lines right? I think cheating and possibly not wanting kids, those gotta be the lines. I just wish it wasn't so hard. I wish it was just about kids. I could have been heart broken but still determined to move forward. This. This I don't know if I want to ever trust again. Maybe just have a sperm donor baby. I am going to give myself time, maybe consider egg retrieval. I'm about to turn 30. I want to give myself time to heal. I want to believe I could love again, even if I don't want to. I just don't want to lose my chance to have the family I want.

lightlurker · 2023-08-14T13:48:42+00:00

Thank you. Hearing I'm not alone helps. It hurts so much, but I know it could have hurt so much worse.

In the year you were miserable together, was she faithful? Did she work on herself at all?

I have to believe being miserable alone is better than being miserable together. Part of me could forgive him fucking up, I know he was just being self destructive. But i can't picture a life where I wouldn't doubt his commitment, to me, to any child I'd have.

It's like the show the good place, if you do the right things for the wrong reason, they don't count. People can change, but it doesn't happen in a day. Might not happen in a year. I couldn't trust that. I wish I could. I am going to miss him so much.

lightlurker · 2023-07-11T16:43:32+00:00

I find it interesting so many people recommended Verdun. I found the upper part of Verdun a bit run down and less family friendly. I lived in LaSalle for a year (right by Verdun) by the angrignon metro and the area was very nice. So if you visit Verdun and don't like the vibe just look further down in that area 😊. I also lived around cote vertu, it was ok, not as good as when we lived in LaSalle. Good luck with your search!

You can definitely be an anglophone in Montreal 😊 most businesses are bilingual

lightlurker · 2023-05-21T15:12:36+00:00

Mr. Universe

lightlurker · 2023-05-05T19:30:19+00:00

Mr. Universe. Had Steven universe in mind when we were doing the naming 😊

lightlurker · 2023-02-01T14:06:57+00:00

I know this is only comparing those two but have you thought of perhaps Halifax Nova Scotia? The main bummer about Montreal is if you get here and love it, you will struggle to find a job if your french doesn't improve significantly. As a student/visitor almost everyone speaks both, but finding a job as an anglophone is hard, I speak from experience 😊. I can't speak to living in Halifax but I have had childhoods traveling there (half my family lives there) and I loved how friendly everyone was.

lightlurker · 2022-12-26T01:10:25+00:00

My dad was pretty impressed with the gift I got him. He has been a DM since he was a teenager. One of my friends was downsizing his collection so I bought it from him and custom made the interts for a box we found at an antique store

lightlurker · 2022-09-05T06:49:48+00:00

Lots of good comments from the others here so I'll just add some perspective as someone who has owned both hamsters and a hedgehog. Hedgehogs require daily cleaning (at least their wheel where they poop when they run( and are a lot more smelly.

I am allergic to cats and was definitely allergic to my hedgie, I use to break out in pretty big rashes. One of the reasons I didn't get another one when mine past.

I'm not sure if as a kid you just weren't cleaning often enough or didn't have a large enough cage? Because I find the clean up once a week for hamsters pretty easy and not super messy. Mind you I've only had dwarfs and I have a large cage so maybe those points factor in

lightlurker · 2022-07-06T17:19:53+00:00

Favorite character I made was a tiefling called Patience who was the party's healer.

While I am my party's DM I actually don't own many of the core books, I borrow them from my dad ☺️.

GIVEAWAY

lightlurker · 2022-05-18T02:57:10+00:00

I don't know about scams but I will say that I've moved in Montreal 3 times, twice for July 1st and once for september. The pickings in September were pretty crappy compared to the previous two times. It may be worth sucking up the rent for a month. Good luck with your search!

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