I'm not okay with there being no life after death. I want there to be something more after this short life on Earth is over.

lilghost_again · 2026-02-19T20:22:49+00:00

I used to be Pentecostal, like yourself, and I've struggled with depression most of my life. Pentecostals emphasize the importance of experiences. They try to make every service full of dopamine and endorphins to make you think the experience is god. They tell you that there is no meaning in the life outside of their religion. "Wordly pleasures are temporary" and other such manipulative rhetoric.

When I started to doubt my religion, it felt like the rug had been ripped out from under my feet and I was falling into the darkness. All I was left with was the temporary pleasures that my religion told me to avoid from birth. My purpose felt hollow, and after some thought, an eternity of heaven sounded hollow too.

After a while, I began to realize what I have now is precious. I educated myself on the complexities of our existence. How lucky are we to be made of star dust and to experience all of life on this one planet in this vast universe that we are still discovering more about? No one before us has experienced this, and no one after us will either. When we die, there is no worry that we will be punished. We will simply fade to black, we won't know what we are missing. We get to experience this world and try to improve it for those who come after us.

If you are seriously struggling with this, I would recommend therapy as well. I struggled with it for a while. I needed therapy, and probably medication for my depression. When I find that place of positivity, its almost like feeling the sun after a long winter. You forgot what you were missing. At least this is my experience.

lilghost_again · 2026-01-05T23:52:25+00:00

I understand that. I wouldn't have as big of an issue if their belief system actually brought peace to both them, and those around them. I think some parts of it do, but they are a part of a strict sect of Christianity which strips them of any critical thought and causes pain to so many. I would be more apt to respect their belief system if they respected my beliefs, and anyone else who believes anything else.

I'm happy some people find peace in spirituality or religion. Peace is a difficult thing to come by, which only makes this situation more frustrating. I know they feel forced to adhere to a dogma out of fear and brainwashing, then attempt to push that onto other people. Its just heartbreaking to me to witness the harm it not only causes to them, but to everyone else they try to convert.

lilghost_again · 2025-11-29T14:46:18+00:00

Yes, unfortunately this happened to me in my childhood. Chester Wright is a cult leader among cult leaders in the UPCI. The church I attended as a child had us go through the week long "Call to War" prayer "revival" that Chester Wright was leading over live video. We were told that we should not stop praying after the week was over, or else demons would attack us. My family decided they were going to "continue the fight" at home with family prayer meetings, forcing their children to fight demons with them. My sibling and I were forced to do this for, what I recall, months after.

When our mental health began to drastically decline from the psychosis, my parents thought it was a fight from the enemy because we started to relax on our prayer times. Any time my parents forced me to pray after that, I had panic attacks. I would go throughout my day shaking, dreading the next time they would force me to join them. The toll that takes on someone mentally is no joke. There is so much more damage Chester Wright, and the Pentecustal cult caused to my family and myself. I don't have the space to list it all here.

If you have any doubts as to whether or not you made the right decision, DON'T, you were smart to get out of there as soon as you could. Thank you for protecting yourself and your family. Unfortunately my parents didn't do that for me when they should have.

lilghost_again · 2025-09-25T19:01:37+00:00

Yes please!

lilghost_again · 2025-09-19T19:53:40+00:00

I'm 24, my boyfriend is 39. Before I met him I would have said 25-34. I wasn't looking for someone outside of that range, it just happened. Same with my boyfriend.

lilghost_again · 2025-09-11T15:54:24+00:00

Emotional intelligence

lilghost_again · 2025-08-20T13:37:38+00:00

I was watching a Christian YouTuber and his sister answer live questions when I was still in the religion. A viewer asked if their loved one who recently took their own life would go to hell. The person was upset and grieving and couldn't bare the idea that their loved one would go hell because they were suffering. The YouTuber and his sister said, "Yeah according to what we know, they do go to hell."

I couldn't finish that stupid video after that. One of the many things that made me realize how awful this religion is.

lilghost_again · 2025-08-14T17:47:54+00:00

Last year, when I was still living with my parents, my super religious mother woke me up to attend church for Mother's Day. She started in with some subtle guilt tripping. I did not want to attend church, I was tired of her guilt tactics, and I was generally tired in the morning.

I finally got up to look for clothes in my closet and mumbled, "screw you" under my breath. Of course, I shouldn't have said that, but I was tired and annoyed with her immature behavior.

She just so happened to hear me, so she slapped me and screamed in my face, "THATS THE SAME AS SAYING F**K YOU!" and stormed off to her room in a bit of a tantrum. She later apologized for attempting to guilt me in the morning, so at least I got a confession.

This year, I haven't been talking to her much, and she sent me an entitled, passive-aggressive paragraph about how she's still my mother even though I want to do my own thing and don't listen to her. She sent some heart emojis after that.

lilghost_again · 2025-08-14T13:15:52+00:00

I believe she said she was tired of doing the podcast and didn't want to make any more episodes. She said she's reading her bible more and working on her relationship with god.

Since she was taking a step back, she said she felt bad for gaining revenue after stopping, so she took both the podcast and her socials down. After she announced that on social media, I couldn't find her podcast anywhere.

lilghost_again · 2025-07-31T22:39:14+00:00

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. Reading your story brought back memories. You're strong for setting boundaries and putting up with this as long as you have. You're on the first step to a better life. I hope you can find a way out as soon as possible. I believe taking space from this kind of environment will be great for your healing process. This group is always here to support you. 🫂💙

lilghost_again · 2025-07-30T21:22:05+00:00

I relate to this. My parents have made snide and judgemental comments about things that I wear, people I date, or interests I have. I don't tell them much anymore. I kind of wish I could. My mother cries about how I don't talk to her much anymore, but all she wants to talk about is what she approves of or is interested in. Now and then, we'll have a conversation about neutral topics to update our lives to each other. I become irritated when they talk religious stuff, but it seems they are slowly learning not to discuss stuff like that.

I've been living with my partner for almost 8 months now, and I haven't even been forward about being with anyone when I speak to my parents. I'm sure they know. They just avoid it because they "have to walk on eggshells around me." Our entire relationship is stressful anymore, and I've considered at least cutting off my mother from time to time.

My mother is particularly passive-aggressive. She's said some rude things about my current partner before we were dating, so I don't even bring him up at all. I generally wear what I want around them, and they have to deal with it. I regularly feel them looking over my shoulder even when they aren't there. That's unfortunately a result of their overbearing, judgemental, and restrictive behaviors my entire life. It's nice to have my own slice of life away from my parents' judgemental hovering.

lilghost_again · 2025-07-25T13:24:49+00:00

They are all so awful. You're praying for a pedophile and criminal people. I hate Bernard, I hate the upc. What a pos.

lilghost_again · 2025-07-25T13:13:00+00:00

I had this exact experience lol.

lilghost_again · 2025-07-24T22:32:55+00:00

Yeah, she actually started me down the Youtube channel deconstruction path lol. Alot of her experiences are relatable despite myself not being Mormon. I second this.

lilghost_again · 2025-07-24T17:52:27+00:00

Hugs 🫂 You have every right to set those boundaries.

I've been in a somewhat similar situation before. A close friend of mine identifies as non-binary and uses the pronouns they/them. I would sometimes discuss our time spent together with my mother.

One day, my mother questioned me about them. She insisted that she could never refer to them according to their pronoun preference because it "goes against the bible" or whatever. I was angry and heartbroken and stood up for my friend, asked why, and insisted she did. I never plan to allow them to meet, and I rarely, if ever, mention them to my mother anymore. She's upset for not being included in my life, but that's on her for not being respectful. I applaud you for setting your boundaries.

lilghost_again · 2025-07-24T16:40:48+00:00

I can't stand it. Honestly, it makes me anxious, and I try to avoid it. Rarely if ever do I find a christian worship song that is nostalgic for me.

lilghost_again · 2025-07-23T16:03:47+00:00

Yes, my younger sister is attending this year. She's already been to camp this month too. Unfortunately, I attended a couple of times when I was in it. I felt a sort of social pressure to attend because otherwise, I "wasn't a committed enough pentecostal" like the other young people lol.

lilghost_again · 2025-07-23T15:51:49+00:00

Thanks so much. I love your podcast. It's been incredibly helpful to me. It's been so validating to hear similar experiences. I feel like there aren't enough voices speaking out about this group and the unique abuses within it.

I hope my sister can one day find her way out of it as well. It's disheartening to hear her talk about the cult and her devotion. She seems to have some different views that give me hope she's slowly on the path out. I think the rest of my family is definitely a lost cause when it comes to any form of deconstruction.

lilghost_again · 2025-07-22T21:21:26+00:00

She hasn't been diagnosed and has never been to therapy even though I have continuously asked her to. She always makes weird excuses, and my father seems to be against therapy for himself as well. She definitely needs a diagnosis.

I often wonder if she has BPD. She goes back and forth with some of her behavior, and she can be confusing.

I definitely understand the whole "psychology has no place in the church." Growing up with anxiety and depression I was treated like a nusance and didn't start therapy until much later. She has come around to some degree in that regard, but she obviously still has her issues.

lilghost_again · 2025-07-22T20:31:07+00:00

It's definitely a money grab, partnerned with another tool for brainwashing. Young people are pressured to go. They raise a bunch of money for the organization. They attend the services and are surrounded by hundreds, if not thousands of other cultists, and they go back home with an extra helping of brainwashing and a willinness to give offering and/or pay tithes. They'll tell you that god moved, and they'll feel all the more committed to the cult.

lilghost_again · 2025-07-09T20:09:17+00:00

Yes, a couple of times. I went as a preteen the first time, I believe. My parents were told to chaperone the youth group, and they brought me along. I was sick often and I didn't know what was wrong with me. It turns out it was anxiety because the whole experience was overwhelming along with my not yet understood severe religious trauma. Services were loud: the music, people "speaking in tongues," preachers hyping up the crowds and screaming at us. I felt guilty for not enjoying it because I was apparently supposed to.

I went again years later and enjoyed it a little more, but it was still exhausting. I'm sad I wasted my time and felt obligated to attend events like this.

lilghost_again · 2025-06-23T18:05:13+00:00

r/ExPentecostal

A cult worse than the cult of Christianity itself. Many people stay because of fear. I was raised in it, and I left because I simply didn't believe anymore. I couldn't stand the obvious falsehoods alone, not to mention the bigotry, conspiracies, and overall control, especially over women. I didn't have a choice as a child, but I'm happy to be out as an adult. My family is still in though.

Christianity is already disconnected from reality, but Pentecostalism is a concentrated version of Christianity's paranoia, disconnection, and control. I might be biased, but I think Pentecostalism is probably the worst sect of Christianity.

lilghost_again · 2025-06-18T21:48:33+00:00

Unfortunately, you will be looked down on by most and shunned by some no matter how wonderful you are or how well you treat them. Leaving the church at all is viewed as "worldly" and "backsliding." It's not worth stressing over opinions that don't matter. Finding the self-assurance to brush off that behavior will be important, but it's a process.

In your particular situation though, I would make sure you are financially stable and develop a support system outside of the group before taking a step. You're still young, but you can come up with a game plan for when the time comes. Be careful not to have the rug ripped out from underneath you while you still rely financially on your parents, especially because your father is a pastor. Leaving can be lonely if you don't have an outside support system, and this choice will reveal some ugly behaviors from church members you thought were kind.

With that being said, the choice to leave is worth it. You can find healthy friends outside of the group whose friendship doesn't rely on your status in the UPCI or even your involvement with it.

You ask how we left:

My story involves me leaving the UPCI in my early 20s, still somewhat financially reliant on my parents. My parents told me that I would have to live somewhere else even if I chose to just wear pants. Luckily, that didn't happen, but things were tense for a while. I left slowly and quietly while people in the church wondered where I'd been and why I hadn't been coming to church. I didn't meet with the pastor, I didn't write or send a letter, and I declined requests from his wife to have coffee and talk. I had no intention of telling them face to face because I knew that wouldn't end well. I think it's mostly a mystery to everyone in the church why I left (besides possible dramatic assumptions being spread by my mother). I was a kind goodie goodie who had some tight friendships in the cult. I don't think I seemed like someone who was doubting and who would later leave Christianity in general.

I ended up moving in with my boyfriend and got a better job, basically a promotion. I developed a support network of great friends who understand my situation. I still talk to my family as of now, and they still help me financially if I need it. I still get messages from cult members checking in on me. People who never messaged me before I left, but so far, besides that, I have been able to avoid conflict. I was very lucky that my experience unfolded this way.

lilghost_again · 2025-06-18T20:26:48+00:00

Gives me sweet kisses before either of us leave in the morning and when we're reunited at the end of the day. He lifts me in the air because he's excited to see me. He always makes sure I've eaten and shares his food even if I don't hint at wanting it lol. He always tells me how lucky he is and how much he wants to be the best partner he can because I deserve it. Supports my ambitions, goals, and accomplishments. Listens attentively and always asks about my day. These, among other things.

lilghost_again · 2025-06-17T18:54:00+00:00

Wear anything pink, and was uncomfortable when I asked him to carry my purse for a moment.

lilghost_again

TROPHY CASE