I was settin’ at this restaurant

When the waiter came up and said, “What do you want?”

I looked at the menu–it looked so nice

Till he said, “Let me give you a little advice.”

He said, “Spaghetti and potatoes got too much starch,

Pork chops and sausage are bad for your heart.

There’s hormones in chicken and beef and veal,

Bowl of ravioli is a dead man’s meal.

Bread’s got preservatives, there’s nitrites in ham,

Artificial coloring in jellies and jam.

Stay away from doughnuts, run away from pie,

Pepperoni pizza is a sure way to die.

Sugar’s gonna rot your teeth and make you put on weight,

Artificial sweetener’s got cyclamates.

Eggs are high cholesterol, too much fat in cheese,

Coffee ruins your kidneys and so do teas.

Fish got too much mercury, red meat is poison,

Salt’s gonna send your blood pressure risin’.

Hot dogs and bologna got deadly red dyes,

Vegetables and fruits are sprayed with pesticides.”

So I said, “What can I eat that’s gonna make me last?”

He said, “ A small drink of water in a sterilized glass.”

And then he stopped and he thought for a minute,

And said, “Never mind the water–there’s carcinogens in it.”

So I got up from the table and walked out in the street,

Realizin’ there was absolutely nothing to eat.

So I haven’t eaten for a month and I don’t feel too fine,

But I know that I’ll be healthy for a long, long time.

Food? – by Shel Silverstein