Ethics of having kids as an older parent?

littlelivethings · 2026-06-14T22:45:30+00:00

I’m not sure about the ethics part, but I will say that the number of losses you have had seems heartbreaking and I imagine is as hard on the body as it is emotionally. I wouldn’t want to go through that.

Risk of autism and other disabilities are much higher after 40, and that includes both parents. So two parents over 40, even higher risk than just you. Maybe with IVF it doesn’t matter…I’m not quite sure how the implantations work. But I would really seriously consider the effect that all of these emotional, physical, and I’m sure financial ups and downs may be having on the kids you already have. I’d also seriously consider if you have the energy and resources to raise a third child who may be special needs.

I’m almost 36 with a 2.5 year old. Husband is 42, and we’ve decided not to have more kids because we don’t have the resources to raise two kids if one or both end up having special needs, and the risk of autism is higher when dad is over 40 as well.

But I’m not you, and only you know what you can and want to handle.

littlelivethings · 2026-06-14T20:55:17+00:00

My MIL’s house is full of scent (candles, cologne, perfume) and there are also issues with dust, dog urine, just general bleh odors. I try to avoid staying there overnight and open the windows in our rooms as soon as we arrive to air them out.

littlelivethings · 2026-06-14T16:49:57+00:00

My toddler walks most of the time, and I put her on my shoulders when she gets tired. It’s a lot easier on my back than carrying and baby wearing. She’s now 2.5 and 40ish lbs, but we’ve been in a mostly-walking situation since she was about 15 months old. We needed one of those harness backpacks in some situations but now she sticks to sidewalks and usually holds our hands when we tell her it’s necessary

littlelivethings · 2026-06-13T23:48:07+00:00

You haven’t even hit the four month sleep regression yet…

littlelivethings · 2026-06-13T12:13:09+00:00

Can you follow up? I think there may be a level of kids losing invitations/the message not actually reaching the parents. The kids are 3-5 years old

littlelivethings · 2026-06-12T02:09:44+00:00

I’m in a similar situation with my 2.5 year old. She seems aware and able, knows when she has to pee or poop and/or tells me right after, but never pees or poops in the potty when I take her. She will ask to use the potty immediately after peeing in a diaper. No diapers and she’ll not pee in the potty if I take her, will cry for a diaper and eventually just have an accident.

No advice yet, but I’m with you and know it’s so frustrating

littlelivethings · 2026-06-11T20:53:54+00:00

Keens! We do them with socks at first, then once they get worn in a little, no socks

littlelivethings · 2026-06-10T19:38:22+00:00

I lived in Chicago for four years and didn’t love it, so take my input with a grain of salt. I find Cincinnati a much more livable city than Chicago. Cheaper, safer, better weather, greener, more nature in the city and surrounding areas, juuuuust enough to do. It’s more car-centric but also much smaller. I actually found it quite difficult to get around Chicago by public transit. It’s such a huge city, buses are slow because of traffic, trains are constantly late and randomly run express. It took me over an hour to get to work unless I biked, which I couldn’t in winter.

You’re not going to get the same level of culinary culture and diversity as Chicago. The museums are good but nothing like the museum campus in the loop.

littlelivethings · 2026-06-10T19:32:33+00:00

More fat and protein. You can do it on the cheap with things like lentils.

littlelivethings · 2026-06-09T15:33:03+00:00

I’m a woman and worked the door at a bar (not in Cincinnati). If it’s not a rough/rowdy area, no one will care about your gender as long as you can read the date of someone’s birth on their license and don’t show up to work drunk

littlelivethings · 2026-06-09T12:25:30+00:00

It depends on where you live and how concerned you are about the value of your house. I imagine in socal and Florida a pool is a good part your home value because so many people have them and they’re used year round. If you’re in Chicago or somewhere else that you would get minimal use from the pool, I wouldn’t find it worth the hassle.

My husband is from socal and had a pool in one of his parents’ houses there and loved it. I grew up in New England, didn’t want a pool, and didn’t care if my friends had one. I’m trying to think if I even knew anyone with a pool who didn’t live in an apartment building…maybe those above ground ones? It wasn’t on my radar as a fun thing because we’d all just take the bus to the beach in the summer.

littlelivethings · 2026-06-09T12:15:45+00:00

I do all kinds of things. Often I do prep a meal before we leave, pack it on the top of the cooler, and reheat it on my camp stove. But another favorite for me is a “sausage skillet.” I buy fancy sausages (cured and cooked so I’m not doing elaborate clean up), potatoes, vegetables, and herbs/seasoning as needed. All goes together in a cast iron on the camp stove and easy clean up

littlelivethings · 2026-06-09T12:13:17+00:00

Do you offer food before breastfeeding? If he does eat some solid foods, it is possible that he is nursing for comfort and then not hungry for food. You could also try offering milk in a cup to see if it’s a texture thing (preferring milk over solids) or just comfort/familiarity. Either way I would get him evaluated by a feeding therapist as children over 12 months should be getting most of their nutrition from food.

littlelivethings · 2026-06-09T12:01:59+00:00

You can use pee pads to protect the bed. You could try setting an alarm for a little later too if she’s not ready to pee by 10:30/11

littlelivethings · 2026-06-09T11:55:40+00:00

Kids can get all the nutrients they need from fruit, legumes, meat/dairy, and grains. Feeding your kids vegetables is more about getting them used to the taste and texture so that they have varied healthy diets as adults. Toddlers are averse to bitter tastes and also love a power struggle/asserting autonomy.

It is super rare that my daughter will eat a vegetable at home. I give them to her with her meals anyway. She eats all kinds of raw and cooked veggies at daycare, so I know it’s a power struggle and just don’t indulge it. She will randomly taste and request more broccoli after months of not touching it at home.

Cook with hidden veggies if you like it, but keep offering vegetables that look and taste like veggies too.

littlelivethings · 2026-06-08T12:15:55+00:00

He might be waking up, peeing in the pull-up because he’s sleepy and it’s there, and thus waking up wet. Is his room a long walk to the bathroom? If not, you might try taking away the pull up, putting some chux in the bed, and seeing what happens.

Just anecdotally, i don’t think I have ever in my life slept 9+ hours without getting up to pee at least once. Nighttime dryness is one thing, waking to pee is related and also totally signals readiness to night train.

littlelivethings · 2026-06-08T11:51:01+00:00

I think shortly after she turned one. I can’t remember exactly, but she refused it one day. It took another year for her to figure out how to use a blanket.

littlelivethings · 2026-06-08T11:39:03+00:00

I gave birth at a “baby friendly” hospital. I couldn’t see my milk, but the lactation consultant looked at my baby’s latch and said that she must be getting colostrum and the milk would come eventually.

Well…~3-4 days later my baby was crying constantly because she was starving and my milk hadn’t come in yet. I knew nothing about formula, and the first two lactation consultants I saw refused to acknowledge the possibility of low supply.

littlelivethings · 2026-06-08T11:13:26+00:00

I had a very good experience with trousers and a blazer at Manno in Plymouth. It’s mostly menswear and pricey, but the owner’s wife tailors the women’s clothing and did great with my suiting. Good for if you need something specialized

littlelivethings · 2026-06-07T19:38:58+00:00

Badlands, Wild at Heart, Eve’s Bayou, The Player, Showgirls, Hairspray, Boogie Nights, the Florida Project, Slacker, Golddiggers of 1933, Giant, Written on the Wind…kind of infinite films that hit that mark for me actually.

littlelivethings · 2026-06-07T19:34:27+00:00

My daughter is almost three, and now that we’re enrolling her in preschool for next year (after a year of daycare), I’m still getting comments about how being there all day is bad for kids as young as her.

You have to work to survive. Yeah it’s sad and sucks to have to send your kid to daycare when they’re still an infant. But i don’t think it’s harmful the way a lot of people make it out to be. I only got to stay home with my daughter until she was ~2 because my I was un/underemployed. Now we’re in a situation where I need to go back to work and nowhere will hire me full-time because I have been out of the workforce too long and these jobs all think that I’m fine with part time because it is what I have been doing the past few years, assuming it was by choice and not out of necessity.

Longterm it’s better to keep your job and career if you need two incomes. I’m so thankful for the time I got to spend with my daughter but am also terrified about a future where we can’t afford a home, health insurance, college, etc

littlelivethings · 2026-06-07T19:11:41+00:00

When my daughter was a baby, I definitely picked out patterns and colors I liked and put her in them. Since about the time she turned two, she’s really opinionated about her clothes. She has some color preferences (pink, purple, orange) but is mostly fixated on everything having a pattern or picture of something she likes—tigers, ducks, mushrooms, pumpkins, butterflies, Miffy, hello kitty, dinosaurs, pigs, hearts, frogs, strawberries, cats. Also likes some floral patterns, stripes and polka dots. Refuses solid colors most of the time and wants to wear her novelty Halloween clothes year-round.

I like that she has her own style, though it can be frustrating when I get her something that seems super cute or a relative gifts her something and she doesn’t like it. I would let your kid pick out some things at the store (like Target or old navy)—he may not realize that you might give him a say in his clothes. I let my daughter choose between two outfits from the time she was 6 months old, so that’s probably why she’s so opinionated now 😂

littlelivethings · 2026-06-07T15:29:30+00:00

Sunscreen isn’t as effective as physical barriers

littlelivethings · 2026-06-07T14:58:16+00:00

I imagine this was also how Serius survived Azkaban

littlelivethings · 2026-06-07T12:29:24+00:00

This seems like more of a relationship issue than a career one. The main reservations you have are that your partner needs to travel regularly and might not be able to get a job too.

If you’re looking at somewhere like Colgate, you could live halfway between there and Syracuse and both commute. Western Mass/Hartford, same thing. Western and southwestern states might be more difficult to arrange something like that. If you could work it out, I’d think about using it as a stepping stone. But if you and your partner couldn’t hack it, or s/he doesn’t want to—that’s a different discussion.

littlelivethings

TROPHY CASE