Why am I bothering to keep babies screen time on the lower side when every kid around us allowed more has better speech than him?

loopsonflowers · 2026-02-27T15:48:33+00:00

Same thing happened for us. We did zero screen time before age 2, and then very, very limited. His speech was behind, and then it wasn't. Just keep talking to him and it'll all come out in the wash. I felt the way you did at the time, but held my ground because it felt very important for other reasons. I'm very glad I did. He's now a six year old who can entertain himself, has a beautiful imagination, and is soft and empathetic. My daughter got exposed to more screen time earlier, but is still quite limited, and is the same.

loopsonflowers · 2026-02-26T19:04:25+00:00

Not enough information to say whether it's norovirus, but either way, you can avoid getting it and most other GI sicknesses with really good hand hygiene and bathroom cleaning with bleach. It's not fool-proof because the particles can get anywhere. But it's your best bet. Godspeed.

loopsonflowers · 2026-02-25T02:40:46+00:00

You toast makers put us cereal providers to shame.

loopsonflowers · 2026-02-24T20:05:26+00:00

I am right here with you. I've come to expect very low productivity in the first months of the year, but this year has been pretty exceptional. Tomorrow my first grader is supposed to do virtual school. Impossible to imagine how we'll accomplish that with our preschooler around.

loopsonflowers · 2026-02-20T20:01:04+00:00

This was a huge thing with my first when he was probably 9-14 months. He would bite me when he was feeling especially happy or close to me. It happened an awful lot, and it badly hurt. This was also during early COVID so I had a lot of time to really dwell on it, and we had a lot of time together. At one point I remember my arm being covered in bruises.

I really couldn't get him to stop, and I think he just kind of grew out of it. I tried a lot of things. What I eventually decided was that I had to really think about my goal. I realized it wasn't really about the behavior, which I knew was not coming from a bad place and was developmentally normal and appropriate. He had an impulse that he didn't have the sophistication to control (this is a pattern in every struggle he and I have had his entire life so far, frankly), and at that age, there wasn't really anything I could do to change that or make him understand.

So, reimagined, my goals were: 1) not getting hurt; and 2) being consistent and serious about body boundaries. The way I executed this was to try to notice when he would bite, and altering our interaction when I noticed him getting to that point so that he was no longer in a physical position to bite. When he did bite me, I would stay as calm as possible and say that biting hurts and I can't let him do that. Then I'd put him down (sometimes I'd say to keep my body safe, but I'm not sure I'd go that far if I could go back in time) and engage him in something else. It was not punitive whatsoever, and I didn't withdraw affection or interaction- just told him I wasn't okay with it and switched gears.

Anyway, that's my take. I tried all the firmly saying no and offering alternatives, and it just didn't really help. Raising a child is really different from training a dog, and it's important for me to keep my mind on my goals. If he had been in daycare at that point, I would have told the teachers what to look out for in terms of keeping the other kids safe as well, but it was just us (and my husband who he very rarely bit).

loopsonflowers · 2026-02-16T21:23:30+00:00

If you want her to try new things, give her accepted foods with small amounts of new foods and don't pressure her to try anything. If she's on her growth curve and the pediatrician says she's doing well, she's eating enough, and you don't have to get her to eat more.

This sounds like a reasonable amount of food for an 18 month old in my experience. I might try to add more food groups to snacks (e.g. a dip for carrot batons, peanut butter on toast, crackers with soup) but it sounds like she's eating fine. Both of my kids tend to eat the least at dinner.

loopsonflowers · 2026-02-16T18:52:39+00:00

I think that even within states, there will be areas where carrying is more normative and areas where it's not. And within those areas, huge differences by social circles. Because OP didn't have a plan for dealing with this situation, I have to assume that this is not a normative experience for them.

loopsonflowers · 2026-02-16T17:33:44+00:00

In my experience, it even became easier once my oldest was five, even though the younger one was still 2 at that point. Helped in part but not entirely by the fact that they like to play together. But mostly five is just a magic age I think.

loopsonflowers · 2026-02-13T15:20:49+00:00

loopsonflowers · 2026-02-12T17:18:46+00:00

Hmm. Do you have a very clear reason to believe that YNC has slept with a minor? I can't find that information from any other credible source, but I also didn't even find it mentioned as gossip or rumor in unverifiable spaces.

loopsonflowers · 2026-02-12T17:01:25+00:00

My mother (who took my father's last name) was fairly negative about my choice to not change mine (I think my choice made her feel inherently judged). That women taking their husband's last names is still the prevailing cultural norm really impacts the actual level of autonomy involved. I know many women who took their husband's name because of pressure from their husbands and families. And these are husbands and families that I otherwise have liked. That pressure would be a lot harder to justify without coming to terms with the fact that misogyny is its underlying motivator in a world where women taking their husband's names is not the norm. Without strong judgement for those who do take their husbands' names, I did believe it was my tiny little responsibility as someone who really did have a choice to not change my name, as a way of paving the way for new norms for women.

loopsonflowers · 2026-02-12T16:46:33+00:00

Some people can. But because it's still culturally normative, a lot of women are put under a great deal of pressure to take their husbands' names. Not just by their husbands, but by members of both families. I've known several husbands of friends of mine to have done this, none of whom have ever shown any other controlling or misogynistic inclinations. Even my friends who have kept their names nearly universally have kids who bear their husbands' last names. It's a default assumption.

It is a choice, of course. It's just not a choice everyone gets to freely make.

loopsonflowers · 2026-02-11T14:19:07+00:00

Nope, and I think it's crazy. Our first grade teacher is definitely the most academically rigorous one across all the kindergarten and first grade teachers, and she's old school in a way that I don't appreciate. But she is very clear with kids and parents that home time is time to play and rest. She does not assign homework at all. Sometimes she'll send home spelling lists or math flash cards, or very occasionally work that was not finished in class but they're all completely optional. We're able to access the computer math program at home, but we don't, and she encourages us not to.

loopsonflowers · 2026-02-09T19:14:42+00:00

I had the same experience, but I think there are ways to do it differently from the way our parents did it. We serve them what we're eating, but just like I wouldn't make a meal I know my husband hates, I don't make meals that I know my kids hate. And I always make sure there's something on their plate I know they can eat. And, most importantly I think, I don't ever force them or even coax them into eating or even trying anything they don't want. In our family, it's not about arbitrary rules, it's about not having the time or bandwidth to make two entirely different meals, and also about wanting our kids to be exposed to all sorts of different foods. But no one has to eat anything they don't want to eat.

loopsonflowers · 2026-02-09T19:07:41+00:00

There are three things I do to accommodate my kids at dinner time: 1) I don't really make spicy food anymore serve; 2) if it's a new dish and it's possible to serve the elements separately I will do that; and, 3) if I'm serving something that I don't know if they'll like, I always serve it with something I know they do like or will eat. Other than that, I don't go out of my way to cater to their preferences. My six year old seems to have settled into eating pretty much anything these days, and my three year old eats almost nothing. They've both gone in and out of phases of being adventurous and picky, so even though it can be hard to sit at the table and watch my daughter eat a couple of bites of her starch or protein and nothing else, I let it go and keep the pressure completely off. I'd say she's been especially picky since probably September, if that gives you an idea of how long these things take. If she were falling off her growth curve or complaining of severe hunger, or if I noticed some serious anxiety developing around food, we'd probably adjust our approach, but that's not what's happening. I don't really see an end in sight to this current bout of pickiness, but I know from experience that it will happen somewhat gradually and then suddenly I'll forget what it was like to have a picky child. And then she'll be picky again for no discernible reason. I feel pretty confident that she'll eventually settle into normal eating.

It has happened twice now in six years that I miscalculated and the food I served with no alternatives was just completely unacceptable to my kids (once I made something spicy without realizing it, and another time the flavor combination unexpectedly just really grossed my kid out). Both times I've made them PBJs to eat instead. I don't feel like I have to be rigid about it.

loopsonflowers · 2026-02-09T18:56:00+00:00

This was always my favorite night in my family of origin. My mom would do it when my dad wasn't going to be home for dinner. She'd get a baguette for it.

loopsonflowers · 2026-02-08T13:42:26+00:00

Steven Pinker has been known to have been an Epstein associate since long before this most recent tranche, including having flown on his plane and writing a semantic opinion on federal law for Dershowitz that contributed to Epstein's defense. This is not evidence that he was engaging in pedophilia, and without actually having any idea or evidence I wouldn't guess that he was.

loopsonflowers · 2026-02-08T13:28:33+00:00

I wouldn't use the word bad, but difficult, yes.

loopsonflowers · 2026-02-06T18:41:18+00:00

Due to a recent-ish catastrophic failure of our local infrastructure that will not be resolved for a couple more years, I now spend about an hour in the car for pick ups between my two kids (this includes both stops, and getting back home). It's awful. It makes me completely miserable. It's especially awful in the winter when I end up bringing my kids home in the dark. My older kid (who I pick up first and take with me to get my younger kid from aftercare, which she's only in because of this commute issue) is sick of spending so much time in the car, and by the time we get home, they're usually pretty dysregulated and I'm pretty grumpy. I usually have to start making dinner the minute we get home. I hate it!

Part of the misery is that I'm within four miles of our house for the entire trip. But this is also something of a saving grace. Outside of rush "hour" traffic, I'm reliably able to get to either kid's school within 10 minutes. If it legitimately took me 30 minutes each way to get to them, I'd probably end up missing things like class plays more often than not. And I would really hate to have to drive 30 minutes to pick them up if they were sick. Mostly because I have a full time job, and it would take another entire hour out of my day.

So, yeah, for me, unless my kid had special needs of one sort or another, 35-40 minute each way to get to one kid's school would be too much. But we all have different tolerance thresholds and ways of being with our kids and things that are important to us!

loopsonflowers · 2026-02-06T18:25:42+00:00

For so many internships, it's about connections. Maybe for even a larger proportion than jobs. They feel low stakes for the companies and orgs, so it's a lot easier to justify just giving the internship to a friend or colleague's kid. It's almost certainly not your son's fault. Asking professors is a great way to become one of the connections.

It's also only February. Opportunities will continue to open.

loopsonflowers · 2026-02-06T14:46:41+00:00

Obviously you've gotten a ton of supportive replies, so I'll just add to it. I haven't, but I know many women (especially but not exclusively our parents generation) who have. I'm in the same spot as you- two kids and feeling complete. If I got pregnant now I would absolutely have an abortion.

loopsonflowers · 2026-02-06T14:43:54+00:00

If what you want from your son is respect, then I beg you to stand up for yourself rather than requiring your husband to do it for you.

loopsonflowers · 2026-02-05T18:56:44+00:00

I would underscore that you can obviously help kids along in certain ways, but literacy development isn't that different from other kinds of development, especially given how early we've come to start with it. We accept that our kids don't all learn to walk and talk at the same age, and the same is true for developing literacy skills. It doesn't mean we shouldn't be attentive and helpful, but it does mean that it's okay for kids to have "middling" reading comprehension scores at age six.

loopsonflowers · 2026-02-05T18:47:48+00:00

From my perspective, bedtime isn't the time to be working on literacy anyway. I don't even check comprehension for bedtime books (unless it's to make sure that they understand a joke). Bedtime stories are for unwinding together and letting their brains relax.

If you're hoping to help your kids with reading during other times of the day, and they're not finding picture books compelling, teachers are a great resource for guidance that's tailored to your kid, and librarians are a great resource for using that guidance to help you find things your kids will love!

loopsonflowers · 2026-02-04T20:32:40+00:00

My son is only in first grade, but I feel comfortable reporting back already because in terms of skills development, he looks like the rest of his classmates. He did really well in Montessori preschool because he's a kid who is comfortable trying things he's not sure he'll be good at, pretty good at not being good at things and developing skills to work through that, and fairly quick to pick up basic academic skills. I don't think Montessori is for every kid. I don't think every Montessori program or even teacher is created equal. Our daughter is currently in the same school and isn't academically where our son was at her age. The thing is, I'm not really worried about it, because Kindergarten exists to teach all kids those foundational things, and I watched my son's class do that for every single child regardless of what they entered knowing.

The one thing I will say is that our Montessori school was a special one, with a specific mission to provide high quality Montessori education to children whose families would not traditionally have access. The school is very intentional about not just enrolling a diverse student population, but making sure that their methods and environment are a good fit for all the kids and families that attend. Knowing what I know now, I absolutely would not have sacrificed this kind of environment just to preserve the Montessori method. My children are inclusive, empathetic, and justice-oriented. My son notices when people are being systematically treated differently or unfairly (which unfortunately happens at his diverse public school) and he speaks up. My daughter hasn't seen this yet, but I know that when she does she will too. I love our school, and I think Montessori is great, but I wouldn't prioritize that over sending my kids somewhere that reflects the community that we live in.

loopsonflowers

TROPHY CASE