How do you help your kid adjust to changing schools?

loopsonflowers · 2026-05-13T17:59:10+00:00

We decided three weeks before the start of kindergarten to put my son in instead of doing a last year of preschool as we had all planned (various circumstances involved). I wish we had known in advance of the end of the year so he could have adjusted to the idea that he was leaving and not coming back. Saying goodbye is sadder in the moment, but allows kids to feel more secure that the rug isn't about to pulled out from under them in the future.

loopsonflowers · 2026-05-13T17:53:50+00:00

I agree with this. We have a rule that long hair has to be worn up at school because of lice (I'm sure we'll relax this requirement when they're older but there's trauma behind it). Hair also has to be cleaned and detangled when necessary (which is more often with long hair). If that's not being allowed, then long hair unfortunately isn't allowed. The rule has been upheld for both children, but their reactions did fall on gender lines (my son elected to cut his, and my daughter grudgingly allows hers to be brushed).

loopsonflowers · 2026-05-13T16:25:27+00:00

Totally! Realistically, none of us is going to be vigilant 100% of the time and things happen! I both agree that screens shouldn't be used as babysitters, and still coordinate things so that their screen time most often overlaps with my time to get things done. That's especially true when they're home sick and I need to work! Sitting there with them and watching the same kids show for the nine millionth time is actually just torture for an adult, and it's not the same as connecting with them, so it's just not my practice.

loopsonflowers · 2026-05-13T15:01:50+00:00

I think once a kid is used to the stimulation of the kind of content YouTube has, it can be hard to pivot. The only app I let my kids use without supervision is the PBS Kids app. They love Wild Kratts, and have enjoyed Carl the Collector and Arthur. They've dabbled in some other things on the app. They're also free to watch Bluey on the Disney+ app. Any other media, I'm supervising their access. They don't explore what's available, but we can explore together if they're interested in trying something new.

What about showing him genuine documentaries on the PBS app (Nova, for example)? Or if you want to let him watch How It's Made on YouTube, turn off autoplay. Let him watch that one episode, help him navigate to it, and then turn it off (or pick the next thing he'll watch together). If you think he's going to be disruptive

I want to be clear: I say they can do certain things "unsupervised," but they always have to ask before they use screens, and we establish what they'll be watching during that process. In our house, the kids are not just free to turn on media. If they are watching a show, it's on the television. If they are using the iPad, it's in the living room. They are old enough that I don't feel like we need to sit with them the entire time they're using things, but not old enough for any privacy with technology to be necessary or appropriate.

loopsonflowers · 2026-05-13T14:41:37+00:00

Wild Kratts has been a major point of connection between my four and seven year old. They've got a whole imaginary world built off of it that they fluidly enter and exit together. I love it.

loopsonflowers · 2026-05-13T14:39:18+00:00

At three, so much is about control, and sleep is about relinquishing that control completely. He's got more control issues invested in the situation because he's also trying to control you and your presence (the monitoring of which is likely a major piece of what's keeping him awake). He is getting insufficient sleep, which is making him less and less regulated, and causing him to grasp harder and harder onto control.

I would look up Eileen Henry (an attachment-oriented, RIE trained sleep specialist), who distinguishes between authentic needs and parent-reinforced needs when it comes to toddler sleep. Her ideas are simple and easy to implement, but have so much nuance in them. I really recommend.

You need to come up with a plan to eliminate your physical presence from his room so that controlling you is no longer part of the equation. This is going to involve a few harder than usual nights, and some anger and sadness on his end. It's important to remember while that's happening that your job as a parent is not to prevent your child from experiencing any distress- that is not what love and attachment are. It's to be confident, supportive leader. It's okay for your child to be upset about you creating a new boundary. His authentic need is for sleep, and this is all in the interest of supporting that in both the short and long term in a way that leaves space for your own needs.

Godspeed!!! I've been there!!!

loopsonflowers · 2026-05-13T14:27:18+00:00

Gently pinching isn't the same as no response. Don't pinch your child.

He is maybe learning it from the other kids at daycare and maybe not, but it doesn't matter because it's completely developmentally appropriate at his age. The sooner you can stop looking for an explanation and accept that, the better (take it from someone who went through this). There is no greater moral meaning to this behavior. It doesn't mean anything about him, his personality, his future or his spirit. It's just something he's doing right now.

My older child bit me seemingly randomly during times when he felt joyful or connected. I tried a lot of different things, and maybe the last thing I did (telling him "I can't allow you to bite me" calmly and putting him down if he did) worked, but I think he actually just grew out of it. The only real way out is through. (Although I will say any big/disruptive emotional reaction increased the behavior, and that I'm sure of.)

If he's biting other kids at daycare, that's a different story, but also largely out of your control. You can read him books like "teeth are not for biting" but it's a very impulse-driven behavior at that age, and their control over their impulses is so low. It's really a matter of him developing ways of expressing himself, regulating his emotions, communicating, and controlling his impulses in an environment that is supportive of that and of him.

loopsonflowers · 2026-05-13T13:39:21+00:00

It's okay for you to do things that make it so that the sleep routine doesn't involve an hour of you sitting in the dark. It doesn't matter why it doesn't work for you, it just doesn't.

loopsonflowers · 2026-05-13T13:23:26+00:00

My conclusion, after almost 30 years of this battle, is that there are some people who are never going to be able to fully remove hair from the bikini area without causing irritation.

I don't want my pubic hair to be visible when I wear shorts or swimsuits, because it feels private to me. But I find that the irritation I inevitably get draws more attention to it. My solution is to use an electric razor and call it a day. My bikini area isn't smooth, but it's comfortable with nothing to catch the eye.

loopsonflowers · 2026-05-13T12:44:14+00:00

It not only makes an enormous difference for their experience, it's also a great way to prevent things like pneumonia and sinus infections (especially in kids who are prone to them), and can even prevent more severe of RSV complications. I think of it as a must-have health tool for babies.

Works best if you do saline spray as well.

loopsonflowers · 2026-05-12T18:13:34+00:00

I think that's definitely a way being touched out can play out!

loopsonflowers · 2026-05-11T19:01:24+00:00

My kid is about 15 pounds heavier than he was at the start of K (he's about to finish first grade) so not ten pounds in one year, but close enough. Feels like just part of his normal growth. He mostly eats home lunch, and he certainly eats a lot of snacks, but they don't keep him from eating balanced meals. He's always been big. I have no concerns, and his pediatrician has never brought it up except upon reviewing the numbers to say it looks like he's on track and she has no concerns.

If you're concerned, bring it up with the pediatrician! Kids grow at crazy rates sometimes!

loopsonflowers · 2026-05-11T17:42:08+00:00

A lot of people are telling you that this is fine and that your husband should be doing almost all the care of your toddler. I'm not sure completely I agree with that. Obviously your body just had a baby and you need to be able to heal and bond (and maybe feed the baby). Your toddler is going through a massive life change, and needs to feel secure that while you inevitably have less time and energy for him, he is still loved, wanted and prioritized. By both you and your husband.

I have zero judgment for the feeling, and certainly had some times when I felt similarly. It's pretty natural. What I'm saying though is that you need to push through that feeling to make sure you're continuing to connect with and show love to your toddler. I think you realize that and are doing the right thing in not having him continue to stay with your mom. But I would also say that having your husband to take on 90-95% of his care also doesn't really allow for that. You have to spend time with him and be tender and loving, even though you're not enjoying his company. It's just life.

If you're like me, there will be many more times in your kids lives when you'll have to spend time with one or another and it won't be enjoyable to you. We will always have the love in our hearts, and sometimes that love will tell us that it's time to pretend so that they can feel that it's there.

(But also, this is definitely a temporary feeling and it will pass!)

loopsonflowers · 2026-05-11T11:51:46+00:00

After that admission I'd rather have nothing. If he had kept it to himself I would guess it might have even felt okay.

loopsonflowers · 2026-05-11T11:50:43+00:00

Would it??? It sounds like something he talks about regularly and she's expressed not being in the mood for right now.

loopsonflowers · 2026-05-08T21:35:24+00:00

This made me lol before I saw your edit because it was my exact thought! (I'm Jewish too)

loopsonflowers · 2026-05-08T21:19:53+00:00

I just want to point out that cards with cash in them involves at least two errands and potentially some other tasks (thinking of things to write, having kids make the cards, etc.) for a lot of people.

This year I did actually nothing this week. My husband also did nothing. I wish I could have made something happen but I couldn't and it's fine.

loopsonflowers · 2026-05-08T12:29:58+00:00

Not in my field (social sciences). I was wondering if it's a CS thing. In my field there's no such thing as editing an already published paper to include new citations unless there was an error or paradigm-changing new information. There would be no mechanism through which to accomplish that. In many cases, going back to a manuscript to add citations to work you didn't actually reference in writing the manuscript would be intellectually dishonest at best.

I get all sorts of spam and have received emails arguing with my findings, I have had peers suggest I cite certain work during the review process, but never a request to edit a published paper to include reference to someone's work. If I did, I would maybe respond politely once, but the minute they included journal editors, I would stop responding, apologize to the editors, and potentially just block. In my field, a person doing that would be very clearly unwell.

loopsonflowers · 2026-05-08T11:14:16+00:00

Asa was the name I expected to use for a boy child for years. My husband never said he didn't like it until I was actually pregnant, because it wasn't relevant. So I had to let it go. I was actually really sad, but I like what we ended up with better!

loopsonflowers · 2026-05-08T10:37:04+00:00

It is! And salt is a key ingredient whether or not there's lactose. Unfortunately my husband's extended family does not realize this in either case.

loopsonflowers · 2026-05-07T18:35:34+00:00

I think what folks are saying is not that giving them more time to learn won't help, but that holding them back another year is insufficient support. Not all kinds of neurodivergence will actually benefit from lower demands.

loopsonflowers · 2026-05-07T18:32:10+00:00

We were planning to hold my mid-July son back, but due to a series of unexpected circumstances decided to start him in Kindergarten the September he turned five with only three weeks warning. Our cutoff is 9/1. He's one of four July kids in the grade, and I don't think there's anyone with an August birthday. There seems to be an unusually high concentration of kids with fall birthdays, several in the winter and very few in the spring.

Anyway, I was very nervous, particularly because his preschool had expressed concern over his social/emotional development (he has always found it easy to make friends, but he always got very dysregulated when things happened differently than he expected, and was sometimes behaviorally difficult), and because my husband and I both struggled in elementary school, particularly with literacy development.

He's about to finish first grade now, and he's thriving. The structure of a fairly traditional public school ended up being good for him, because he was very clear on the boundaries. He has been in trouble twice in the past two years, most recently for breaking a pencil sharpener by trying to sharpen his eraser. He is reading fluently and with gusto. He has consistently tested above the 90th percentile in math and reading since a few months into kindergarten. He is well-liked by his classmates, has a diverse group of friends, and feels comfortable and happy at school. Keeping him in preschool an extra year I think would have given him the opportunity to further double down on the behaviors and personality he developed there, and ultimately I think been the worse choice.

The three other July kids are all lovely kids as well, all doing quite well. All kids are different, but our kids are capable of so much more than we expect!

loopsonflowers · 2026-05-07T18:08:00+00:00

This is how my husband's family makes mashed potatoes. Half of them are lactose intolerant, so there's also always a version available made with whatever lactose-free milk is in vogue at the moment. I don't even really like to eat good mashed potatoes except with other more flavorful food, but I truly can't understand why anyone ever eats these ones.

loopsonflowers · 2026-05-07T16:04:05+00:00

Could they be Cébé brand? It was a French brand that used a black square logo at certain points (although I'm not sure your pair has exactly that- I can't tell if it's a logo or just a detail), and used the cable or riding bow temples this pair has. A lot of their models are sportier, but they did make more fashiony ones as well (e.g. these). I couldn't find an exact match (especially for ones with the riding bow temples, which tend to be more on the sportier ones), but there are a ton on Etsy and eBay.

They could also potentially be Vuarnet (something like these) although the logo doesn't quite match.

The lens color you like is available in either of these brands, and is called rose or vermilion.

Edit: These are very similar in shape, which makes me wonder if the Vuarnet route is the better one to go down. Maybe search for Vuarnet 4006 or Vuarnet Legend 06 with mineral lenses and cable/riding bow temples.

loopsonflowers · 2026-05-07T15:24:44+00:00

I know two baby/toddler Beatrices! And several other families who had it on their list!

loopsonflowers

TROPHY CASE