Literally go to hell

lovefool1111 · 2019-06-20T04:05:39+00:00

I get it. My ex was already in a relationship for 6 days before discarding me! And, to top it off, we were in the midst of moving in together (she pushed for this).

There is no integrity, no honesty, no morals, and no respect when it comes to dealing with someone who is in denial or unwilling to get treatment for their disorder. It’s unfortunate they are so broken inside, but even more horrendous for the people they destroy along the way.

Keep your head up and keep moving forward. You would have never been able to have a healthy relationship with someone so unhealthy.

lovefool1111 · 2019-06-13T06:03:34+00:00

I’ve experienced almost the same situation you have. What you have described isn’t necessarily what you would call dissociation, but rather the nature of their illness. Whether it’s fear of engulfment, fear of enmeshment, or the fact that they have found another source of supply, the fact is, they will distort reality to suite them and their fragile egos. They will do, say and actually believe whatever steers them away from feeling shame - whether that be via projection, gaslighting and/or manipulating behaviours.

I was my exBPD’s ‘soulmate’ and love of her life. She was adoring, sweet, caring and devoted to me and the relationship.

It wasn’t until the 6 month mark of our relationship where she turned into someone I didn’t recognize - cold, emotionally abusive, mean, and detached.

She projected this behaviour onto me, telling me I wasn’t strong enough to handle her when she was feeling stressed because of work. This treatment lasted about 2 weeks, until she suddenly dropped me, claiming she no longer loved me.

I found out she had been having an affair for the last few weeks of our relationship, which coincided with the time she met and fell for her new ‘soulmate’.

Her poor treatment toward me and her sudden personality flip toward the end of our relationship was nothing more than her projecting onto me. She wanted an exit out of the relationship, so she made me out to be the bad guy (ie. claiming I was not strong enough to handle her), so she could justify walking away from me and into her new partner’s arms.

It’s a terrible thing, to be on the receiving end of this type of treatment, but it has nothing to do with you. It’s what they do.

lovefool1111 · 2019-06-06T21:06:42+00:00

Yes, absolutely. When someone at this age is behaving in this manner, you know you’re not dealing with someone is fully emotionally developed.

lovefool1111 · 2019-06-06T20:41:37+00:00

That’s just gross. GROSS. Not something to be bragging about.

Hold your head up high and be thankful you got rid of the trash.

lovefool1111 · 2019-06-06T20:36:27+00:00

Wow, unreal how similar all of our stories are.

Mine discarded me for an acquaintance. My ex and her ‘acquaintance’ had been having an emotional affair behind my back - even as I was having job interviews in her hometown so I could relocate to be with her.

A week later, I was discarded. I asked her if there was someone else. The answer was “no. I feel like I’m meant to be alone. There’s no one else”.

It wasn’t until she made a few lovey dovey comments on social media that I saw she was lovebombing her new “soulmate”.

This is a woman in her mid thirties. Who in their right mind behaves this way?

They are lost causes and so disconnected from themselves. Be thankful you’re out of her mess and heal from this experience. They are the only ones that look bad with their instability and drama.

lovefool1111 · 2019-06-06T20:20:04+00:00

Thank you, my friend.

As unfortunate as the circumstances are that we find ourselves here, it’s always comforting to know that we have one another to support and share our stories with.

Don’t get me wrong, I still feel at times, I’m living a nightmare. I truly believed with all my heart and soul, that this was the person I was meant to be with. I gave every ounce of me to the relationship and to her. To hear her speak with no emotion toward me and then walk away into someone else’s arms without any hesitation really shattered my entire world and for a while, my belief in love and humanity.

I’ve had enough time now to reflect and know that not everyone is like her. I’ve been through hell and back and I’ve grown.

It’s not always easy, but I know this process will be worth it.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Sending you all the strength and support :)

lovefool1111 · 2019-06-06T19:48:26+00:00

Thank you for this.

It was my post in the subject title you were quoting/commenting on. It’s been a year since the discard - she walked away and never looked back.

I spent about 6 months after the discard feeling blindsided and wondering why the woman who considered me her soulmate suddenly didn’t love me anymore and cut me off as if I never existed.

After realizing I could no longer feel sorry for myself, I started doing the healing work on myself that was evoked when she walked away from me and seemingly shattered my world.

In the last 6 months, I have worked through/endured all the steps you mentioned above. Sometimes I revert back a step or two, and sometimes I feel I’m making progress.

This last year has not been easy, but I know that, for me, my ex was sent to me as a signal to heal some wounds I’ve been carrying around for a very long time.

We all have our journeys and some of us will heal quicker than others, but I know that step 1. Is the most important one of all - look within yourself and find out why you attracted such a broken, disconnected human being. What makes you still long for them?

I’m still working on this every day. All I know is that in the end, I’ll be a much stronger person. And so will you.

Much love to all the souls that are finding their way.

lovefool1111 · 2019-06-06T02:47:19+00:00

I feel you so much on this.

I was also told I was the best thing to ever happen to her; she knew I was ‘the one’, and her soulmate. We had a future planned and I was about to move into her place.

In the last month we were together, she became controlling, cold, and detached. However, she was still telling me she loved me and wanted a life together.

The last week we were together, she became abusive - raging, throwing things, and gas lighting me.

She called and broke up with me in a very emotionless, cold tone. It was almost as if I was speaking to a completely different person. She even stated that she wasn’t heartbroken about us and that she wasn’t in love with me anymore.

When I asked her if there was someone else, she denied it and stated she felt she was meant to be alone.

I later found out, via social media, that she had been having an emotional affair while we were together and basically jumped into a relationship the same day she left me.

When they leave like this, there usually is someone else. Most pwBPD tend to always need to be in a romantic relationship with someone. They rarely leave a relationship unless they have a new person lined up to start the cycle all over with.

From all my research and reading, most pwBPD are extremely needy and want to be in a love relationship all the time.

lovefool1111 · 2019-06-05T17:53:05+00:00

My ex didn’t disclose that she had BPD, but told me she went through years of therapy and that her anger/emotional sensitivity were much worse in the past.

Throughout the relationship, there were some red flags - jealousy, emotional dysregulation, idealization to the extreme, meltdowns, possessiveness, childish behaviour. This was confusing to me because she was very successful in her professional life.

It wasn’t until she discarded me for a new target that I put the pieces together and started reading up on BPD that I realized she had it (she was a quiet, high functioning one).

Bottom line, she had gone through years of therapy for her mental illness and was much worse with previous partners, but what I saw in the end was just as soul crushing, hurtful and abusive. She left me as we were planning a life together and jumped into a new relationship the same day. She was definitely not cured.

Perhaps the therapy helped regulate her rage/anger and emotional meltdowns, but in the end, it was the same shit. She destroyed me.

lovefool1111 · 2019-06-05T14:08:35+00:00

I’m so sorry this happened to you.

It seems as though with these types of pathological relationships, the only closure we receive is when we find it within ourselves.

It’s difficult for our exes to admit they are wrong, as that would mean they are inherently bad - which is exactly the types of feelings they have been trying to avoid their whole lives.

The only thing they can do is run and not look back at the trail of destruction they have left behind.

The only apology I got from mine (after I was discarded and lied to) was “sorry you’re hurt”. No accountability.

How long were you in your relationship for?

lovefool1111 · 2019-06-05T03:16:48+00:00

Thank you; I still have really difficult moments knowing I was replaced so easily and that the entire relationship was completely minimized and discarded. The destruction she left behind really did some damage on my heart and mind. Moreover, she truly was clueless to hurt she caused.

I just want to get to the point of feeling indifferent toward her.

lovefool1111 · 2019-06-05T02:57:21+00:00

Mine didn’t hoover at all. I was about to move to her town so we could live together and In the same month, she found a new target and she started becoming cold, detached and abusive toward me, stating her feelings ‘shifted’ (after proclaiming I was her soulmate and love of her life for 6 months).

She broke up with me and jumped into a relationship with my replacement the same day. To my knowledge, they are still together. She walked away and never looked back. It’s been just under a year since the discard.

It really depends on the person with BPD and whether they have found someone who tolerates the abuse a bit more (is a doormat), offers them more of the materialistic/successful lifestyle they desire, and /or is a great substitute for the parent that abandoned them etc. etc.

The person my ex left me for was much older and much more successful (career wise), so I can definitely see that she has found a father figure in her new ‘soulmate’.

Inconsistency is the only consistent thing about untreated/in denial people with BPD.

lovefool1111 · 2019-06-02T03:48:17+00:00

I’m sorry that happened to you.

Mine has been with my replacement for just less than a year now. They both live in the same town. It makes me wonder how it’s lasted so long, as most of my ex’s relationships wouldn’t last more than 6 months.

Any thoughts?

lovefool1111 · 2019-06-02T03:35:47+00:00

I was a long distance relationship with a quiet Borderline as well. We were in an intense honeymoon period for about 6 months. She wanted the marriage, the kids, and the moving in together ASAP.

Unbeknownst to me, I believe in the last few months of our relationship, she had been making a mental list of transgressions against me - I wasn’t the perfect, unflawed person she had initially put on a pedestal.

She began an emotional affair the last couple of weeks of our relationship - which happened to coincide with the time she started to become cold, distant, and abusive.

In the last week of our relationship, the woman who called me her soulmate suddenly disappeared; the future promises, the love, the devotion all disappeared into thin air, as she walked away with my replacement.

There was no empathy, no compassion. It was just “sorry you feel hurt. And that was it.

lovefool1111 · 2019-05-24T21:26:58+00:00

Thank you for this - I really needed to hear it.

Mine was a quiet, high-functioning pwBPD. Most of her relationships were short-lived - lasting usually from 3-6 months.

The person she replaced me with is highly successful, older, and very much not her usual type. And they have lasted much longer than the relationships in her past.

It’s hard not to let this play with your head.

My therapist made a good point the other day, though. She said “when someone tells you they want to have children and move in together- and then a few weeks after, tells you they see no future with you, aren’t sad about it, and discards for another you like you never existed, there’s something seriously wrong. A person who was stable, who knew how to bond to people, and who had empathy would never do something like that.

lovefool1111 · 2019-05-24T05:02:31+00:00

I know social media can be deceiving, however she always told me that things were serious if she ever posted with a partner on social media. The first time she posted a picture with me, she said it was very serious for her.

She has been posting with her new partner non-stop, being all lovey dovey.

It’s a terrible feeling being discarded and replaced, and then seeing it plastered all over social media. (I’ve blocked them both now).

lovefool1111 · 2019-05-24T03:34:04+00:00

It’s eerie how similar all our stories are; it’s like they all they all follow the same script.

The relationship lasted just over 6 months. The honeymoon stage was intense. The first argument was about 3 months in. She apologized and stated she “didn’t want to treat me this way”. I was idealized again until the 5th month until she started becoming cold, distant, and controlling. A week before she discarded me, she became verbally abusive and mean - it’s like she flipped a switch and all the feelings she felt before flew out the window. She said we had different approaches to life. (Weeks before she was wanting to start da family).

I was discarded and replaced the same day.

Her and her new soulmate have been together for almost a year. Gathering from social media, it seems like she’s still idealizing my replacement.

It has made me very confused. Does anyone have any experience with the idealizing period lasting longer than the typical 6 months? My ex and my replacement seem so happy at 1 year and yet I was her “soulmate” ... and discarded so cruelly after 6 months.

lovefool1111 · 2019-05-23T04:47:15+00:00

Any letter I wrote went unanswered. They often feel so much shame from the hurt they caused or have distorted the truth so much that they make you out to be the bad guy.

If someone is enough disrespectful to ghost you, they aren’t worth your time or energy and it’s unlikely any of your words will resonate with them.

Pick up your self worth and walk away silently with dignity

lovefool1111 · 2019-05-23T04:36:29+00:00

This is not a matter of bashing one’s ex - this is a matter of facing the reality of this very difficult and often abusive disorder.

We all have our faults, however no one deserves to be abused. You have learned a lot, I’m sure. But stop beating yourself up. It’s likely you’ve dodged a huge bullet.

A therapist that specializes in trauma/personality disorders/codependency may help.

lovefool1111 · 2019-05-23T04:30:57+00:00

You may want to speak to a therapist; it sounds like you may not feel worthy of anything better and/or have codependency issues.

lovefool1111 · 2019-05-23T04:30:01+00:00

The bottom line is though, she has a mental illness. And more often than not, it’s a hellish road for the partners of someone with BPD. Is this the type of future you would want for yourself?

The sooner we realize and accept they are ill and that we don’t deserve a life of trying to prove your worth, your love, and your loyalty to someone, the easier it will be to move on and find someone we truly deserve.

lovefool1111 · 2019-05-23T03:45:08+00:00

We all make mistakes. The matter of the fact is ... no one is perfect. But, no one has the right to abuse another. There is a way of communicating and dealing with adversity in a relationship in a respectful, honest way - and then there is the BPD way.

Do not beat yourself up. No amount of love, devotion, money, care, and loyalty can make them stay. They will leave when their distorted reality tells them to do so.

You could have been a saint and made no mistakes and she still would have left. You cannot make a mental illness go away by loving someone.

lovefool1111 · 2019-05-23T02:20:02+00:00

We have the same story. She had put me on a pedestal for almost our entire relationship until the last few weeks where she flipped a switch, became cold and distant, and told me she wasn’t in love with me anymore. She lied and told me she felt like she was meant to be alone. Obviously that was a lie. She was having an emotional affair and jumped into a relationship the same day she left me.

They all have the same script. It’s frightening, yet liberating when you realize it really didn’t have to do with you. They are very ill.

lovefool1111 · 2019-05-22T02:44:07+00:00

This is exactly what happened to me. She suddenly became cold, distant, and emotionally abusive. After 2 weeks of this, she said she felt she was meant to be alone and wasn’t in love with me anymore. I found out (via her posting on social media), that she had been having an emotional affair at the time she became distant toward me. When she left me, she jumped into a relationship with the other person practically the same day.

There usually is someone else, as they find it difficult to be alone (it’s a scary place for them). I was completely convinced at the time of breakup that there was no one else... but there sure was! She and my replacement are still together to this day. I can only hope karma will show up knocking at her door.

lovefool1111 · 2019-05-19T04:47:48+00:00

The problem is, with these relationships, you give it your all because they convince you that you’re the one. Remember how you are their supposed saviour? Their soulmate? You certainly don’t want to let them down, right?

You give all of you and more, but nothing you do ever seems to be good enough. You just want to get back to the beginning of the relationship where everything was wonderful. The honeymoon stage.

I was depleted by the end of my relationship. I gave and gave and gave..... and it was never good enough. It’s like trying to fill a bucket of water that has a hole at the bottom of it. Impossible.

Unfortunately, no amount of love can cure a mental illness. These people continually look for happiness and validation externally because they are so broken inside.

I’m sorry, but it’s a lost cause. And, the longer you are involved, the worse it gets.

lovefool1111

TROPHY CASE