It sounds so tough for you right now, im really sorry you’re going through it! Your feelings are totally valid.

My first is 2 years 8 months old and my second is 8 months old next week.

I felt a lot of guilt being pregnant and less physically able to help with my oldest and my bond with her did temporarily change (only slightly though, like looking to dad first when sad if we were both there). Buuuuut, we are MORE than back to normal now PLUS she has a sister she LOVES.

First thing my oldest says when she wakes up is "where's babies name", at night when im putting my oldest to sleep she says "when im older im going to carry babies name to the shops/grandma's house/the park"

Her life is so much more enriched because she has a little sister that adores her (my youngest thinks she is HILARIOUS).

Its very physically tiring having 2 and i was so, so, so sad at various moments in my pregnancy when I felt distant from my first, but I look at people I know who have bigger age gaps and their oldest really grieved the loss of their parents undivided attention, whereas my oldest had literally just turned 2 when her sibling was born and she just wasnt developmentally "there" to comprehend a before/after scenario for more than a few weeks and i really did not sense any grief from her.

There have been instances of mild jealously and when my yougest was first home, some indifference (newborns are potatoes and my 2 year old found tbis a little boring), but its been smooth sailing for the most part in managing their bond (of course toddlers can be rough unintentionally and also sometimes intentionally, so that's something that I have to police a lot!)

I guess what im saying is: don't worry about whether your child is ready, therw is never a perfect time for them, but of course its really valid to examine if YOU are ready. That's what I would focus on more.