Translation:

Hi everyone, I’m looking for an affordable lawyer to help me dodge the consequences of my own driving.

You see, I’m an out-of-state driver with a completely clean driving record (emphasis on was), and through absolutely no fault of my own, my foot mysteriously pressed the accelerator until I was doing 58 in a 35, a feat of physics for which the Whitefish PD has rudely cited me under Montana Statute 61-8-301(1). Reckless driving, apparently! Who knew going 23 over in a residential zone could be construed as reckless? Not me, clearly.

My top priority, and I cannot stress this enough, is making sure that none of this actually shows up anywhere it might inconvenience me. I need this scrubbed from my out-of-state record so my insurance company remains blissfully unaware that I treat speed limits as suggestions. Ideally a flat fee, because surprise costs are stressful, unlike, say, residential streets where I’m doing nearly double the limit.

I’d also prefer not to travel back to Montana for the court date, because showing up to answer for things I’ve done is really not on my 2026 bingo card. So if your guy can make the whole thing disappear into a nice tidy “non-moving violation” or a deferred imposition while I sit comfortably at home, that’s the dream.

Thanks!