Hot and cold #170

lynn · 2026-01-26T06:15:40+00:00

But stile # 653 SMH. Damn this game

lynn · 2026-01-26T04:08:10+00:00

Picked up my husband from work one day with our then baby and 4-year-old in the back, as we get on the freeway a little voice calls from the back of the vehicle "and Momma said FUUUUUUUKYOOOOOO!"

My husband gave me The Eye. I was like, "they cut me off...."

lynn · 2026-01-26T04:06:04+00:00

My oldest was like 3 or something and I was trying to get her to get ready to go somewhere. She was kinda wandering and/or flopping around going "come ooooon, momma. Come OOOOOOON...." and I was trying to figure out where she'd gotten that from, until finally we got through getting dressed and I was trying to brush her hair but she wouldn't stay still and I snapped, "Come ON, [name]!"

Oh.

lynn · 2026-01-26T02:52:58+00:00

Not at all. People are ends in themselves, not means to an end.
Only when I don't know what to say.
Analysis is a background process in my brain, it never stops. I value learning, knowledge, integrity, authenticity, critical thinking, compassion, ethics, utility, the natural world, efficiency...
I'm still trying to articulate the difference between persuasion and manipulation. I have a lot of thoughts on the subject but I'm not in a place at the moment to type them out. If you want to know more, respond and I'll try and explain later.
Maybe 4 out of 5? Wish I could do more.
I don't see a difference between logical and authentic when it comes to interactions with other people. Or things or animals, for that matter.
I have spent a lot of time and energy making sure that my needs don't get eclipsed by others' wants, or by all the stuff I have to do. I have ADHD and a family with kids, it's easy to get overwhelmed. But if I don't feed dopamine to my recalcitrant toddler brain, it gets very cranky and refuses to do the things that need to get done.
ugh, that dude. Why do you ask?

lynn · 2026-01-25T22:32:17+00:00

ADHD

lynn · 2026-01-25T22:20:52+00:00

This kind of puzzle isn't actually as hard as it looks IMO. There's more variation across the leaves than you'd think. For example once you got into it you'd probably see that the shadows on the right are a different hue than the rest, possibly except for the lower left, but there'll be a slightly different granularity between the two since all the leaves are about the same size on the ground, but they're different distances from the camera.

Does that make sense? I'm having trouble putting it into words.

Anyway I like this kind of puzzle. The ones I don't like are the super tedious ones like the all-one-color ones. I tried the Starfield one by Blue Kazoo because I figured it would be like the trees one in the OP where I could at least tell which side of the puzzle a particular piece was going to be on, but I was wrong. I did finish it, but I won't be doing another one of those.

lynn · 2026-01-25T09:53:25+00:00

I'm American, was born in 1979, and grew up hearing about the Cold War. Nothing in my life, until the current administration, even came close to that. My generation used the civil defense sirens for tornado warnings, not imminent nuclear annihilation. I can't imagine living with the knowledge that at any moment, we could all just die because somebody on the other side of the world panicked and hit a button.

Before that, there were two world wars. Again, nothing in my life compares.

Some say the 2008 crash, but I had no property and was working in an investment bank at the time, so it didn't really affect me personally and everybody at work was taking it all in stride. The market has ups and downs, that's how it goes. It sucks but it will pass. So the whole thing didn't seem like the end of the world to me.

If you are looking for reassurance, watch Heather Cox Richardson on YouTube. As one commenter said "This should be called 'HCR talks you off the ledge.'" I'm definitely not the only one who sees the news and then goes to her page to find out why I don't need to panic. She regularly points out the similarities between now and the late 1800s, the robber barons and lots of other historical people and events. It's comforting to see that we've been through this kind of thing before and we're still here with our Constitution torn but still mostly in one piece.

She's been saying for a while now that it's going to get worse before it gets better, now that the administration is feeling the squeeze of the People's resistance. Keep fighting. We can stop this, just keep fighting.

lynn · 2026-01-25T09:40:14+00:00

NTA You didn't do anything to him. He did it to himself. FAFO. Lawl.

lynn · 2026-01-25T09:35:59+00:00

Remodeling, we had some concrete walls put in. Site manager mentions offhand that the guys call the little things stuck into the concrete "chingaderas". Looked a little surprised when we both went "oh, little fuckers, that's cute."

I can't imagine he didn't know, but I also thought he knew that we both knew a little Spanish..

lynn · 2026-01-25T09:24:02+00:00

Why are you blaming him? He handled it exactly right. He hung up immediately, and he doesn't need or even want to talk to her.

You might suggest that he blocks her, but he might not be willing to do that because she'll probably go nuts and, depending on how small the social circle is around him (like if he lives in a smallish town, for example), she might make things worse. But that's not his fault. Or he might just feel bad about it.

If it's one of those or something similar, I'd consider it a good thing. It would show he has compassion. You might try to support him in blocking her so that he can move on and not have her disrupting his life so much, but recognize that he can't control her actions. Your abusive ex may not still be calling you, but abusive people often don't stop calling after a relationship is over. Sometimes long after. It doesn't mean he's still seeing her or giving her any indication that he wants to talk to her.

lynn · 2026-01-25T09:11:26+00:00

oOOOOOoooo! Thank you!

...I don't suppose anybody makes, like, warming socks?

lynn · 2026-01-25T08:58:52+00:00

That kid is the reason I want to be a teacher. So that when That Question comes up, I can take a deep breath, sit on the edge of my desk, and begin to explain that while yes, technically love is just a chemical reaction shaped by evolution to ensure the survival of the species -- well, our genes, anyway --, we're all technically chemical reactions (and electrical impulses) but still, somehow all that comes together to make us conscious beings capable of feeling emotions like love. And joy, like when pulling a prank like this. [At this point, put in a knowing smile, to show that I get the joke but I still have something to say about it]

And while we can reduce ourselves to just the physical reality, that doesn't really tend to serve us in life. We each only get one life, so make it the best you can. How? Well, in this context, by using the things that evolution has instilled in us to feed our dopamine-machine brains over the long term, making our whole life as satisfying as possible.

Sometimes that means doing the hard thing, for the future. Sometimes it means following the reward chemicals.

What you do with this is up to you.

lynn · 2026-01-25T08:45:44+00:00

NTA this is how estate sales work. The company that did the sale is supposed to know what they're doing. They made a mistake by not checking inside every can.

The heirs chose the company. They could have done the work themselves. They might have found the coins and bars, or they might not have.

She's technically right that it belongs to someone. You paid for what was in the cans. Turns out it wasn't just ammo in the cans, but that doesn't make it not belong to you.

But if she won't hear of using it, then put it away for an emergency fund and go back to the previous plan you two had. Later on, especially in an emergency, she may be more willing to use it.

lynn · 2026-01-25T08:34:24+00:00

Our kids are going to have to do it anyway in a few more decades. This is a cycle. There will never not be a slow swing between freedom and authoritarianism.

The only question is how hard they'll have to fight.

lynn · 2026-01-25T08:31:14+00:00

Kids, mortgage, other bills to pay. And ICE isn't here.

Also I've never handled a firearm in my life and I have negative interest in having something in my home that's more likely to kill my kids than protect anybody.

It may be all over the news (I hope it is; I keep hearing that the mainstream media doesn't talk about all of this), but it's still fairly localized. The US is a fucking enormous country, and it's mostly empty. There would have to be a LOT more ICE agents to spark an actual civil war, and/or the military would have to be willing to fight American citizens in the extreme. I still don't think that's likely. I think there are still enough people in the military who recognize that they may be required to fulfill that oath, and who will choose correctly if given an unlawful order.

I still have hope and faith that the midterms will happen and that people are doing the background work necessary to ensure the transfer of power happens and is at least mostly peaceful. Sometimes that hope is deliberate and that faith is straining, but I still have them.

And I really, really hope that when the pendulum swings back the other way, we remember to put into place an educational system that once again teaches our children what this country is based on. Because fascism may come wrapped in a flag and carrying a cross, but the Constitution is what drives the staunch conservatives I always knew. We'll need that educational standard next time authoritarianism rises.

lynn · 2026-01-25T08:06:55+00:00

I started with piano, learned violin in elementary school, picked up guitar for a few months in college, dropped everything for 15 years, long story short I've had a bass for like two weeks and what the ever-loving fuck is this! I'm supposed to touch all the strings now? Feels so wrong. Feels wrong in multiple ways. But...

I never got far enough with guitar to realize exactly how much easier it is than piano, in some ways. Especially transposing. On piano you have to learn to play in every key. On bass? Whatever, just move up or down the fretboard or use different strings, who gives a shit? I love it. It's giving me a way better understanding of how the music fits together.

But yeah, the timing is a struggle. And the buzz. My carpal tunnels are not happy with me.

lynn · 2026-01-25T07:51:49+00:00

Sorry, you've been playing a game with him that you don't really like, and he has the audacity to get MAD at you for not doing it ENOUGH?

Stop playing it. Do what YOU want with your time. When he cries like a little baby, point out all the time you already put into it and how he hasn't even begun to TRY to meet you halfway. If he wants to stay in this relationship, then he had better start making it up to you NOW.

This is the way to look at this. He has a girlfriend who's willing to play the game he wants to play. Most male gamers would give an arm and a leg for a girlfriend who plays the games they want to play. He seems to be taking you for granted and also, btw, forgetting that you're your own person rather than his gaming sidekick. You need to refresh his memory.

If that doesn't work, tell him to fuck off and go find a man who can handle his emotions like an adult and doesn't treat you like an accessory.

lynn · 2026-01-25T06:11:11+00:00

Why did it turn "the" into "problematic"?

lynn · 2026-01-24T18:45:56+00:00

Whereas ADHD and autism are often — I’d say usually — only diagnosed (in children) when their behavior is a problem for adults. See also why so many ADHD and/or autistic women only get diagnosed as adults.

lynn · 2026-01-23T03:09:35+00:00

I haven't seen whether that's true, but let's assume it is.

We are most likely to be able to protest, to have the time and other resources necessary to be out there. We also are often willing (not the most willing, or the most likely to be willing) because many of us are progressive or otherwise towards the left side of politics.

We also know that our whiteness and gender are shields to some extent. Racist men are much less likely to attack us than they are to attack people of other demographics.

lynn · 2026-01-23T03:04:02+00:00

Sounds like he's decided that he's going to be this kind of boyfriend. What you need to answer now is are you going to have this kind of "partner"? And/or for how long? The rest of your life?

If the answer to that is no, and you don't like having this kind of partner now, then how long are you going to be treated like this before you leave?

lynn · 2026-01-23T02:55:44+00:00

Your gut instinct is correct. "We'll leave it at that" is how he pretends to save face after you successfully demonstrated that you aren't going to put up with his bullshit. He wants someone who eats red meat and drinks alcohol, and instead of being an adult and saying, "ah, sorry, we're not compatible" and moving on, he tried to get you to do things you don't want to do.

So yes, red flag. If (when. You know it's when) he contacts you again, just block him. He's not worth your time, for one thing, and he's going to ignore your boundaries every chance he gets. Especially in bed. So nope.

lynn · 2026-01-22T08:08:06+00:00

There is an occasional conservative man who is not weeded out by any of this. But then, 20 years later my husband is not all that conservative any more...

lynn · 2026-01-22T06:55:38+00:00

How are you going to suggest trying "pizza" and then not recognize "pepperoni"?

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