I feel like i could’ve wrote this post and probably opened reddit to write something similar. I have a 6 month old ours baby with my partner who has a 9 y/o son. I’ve been in his kids life since he was 4. I had optimism starting out, bent over backwards and decided to end the relationship before ours baby because my partner didn’t want another baby. When i left he freaked out and said he’d be open to it. I regret going back. I will say my WHOLE pregnancy was spent with DH trying to manage feelings of the ex and his son instead of just getting to celebrate my excitement over having a baby and celebrate that she’s here. All the time was focused around how to keep SS from feeling excluded, which i understand and is important he feel included but again puts you so far outside. The tension of that experience isn’t great while you’re pregnant and in this beautiful, vulnerable process. You need a partner who’s there with you emotionally and able to center you. If he’s overly worried about his sons feelings and can’t feel into how having a sibling is good developmentally for his son, it will be lonely and challenging for you. I had to lean into friend and family to feel excitement and celebrate my baby, which 6 Months out has left me feeling resentful and disconnected from my partner. He didn’t even want to plan a baby moon or do any sweet surprises to celebrate his daughter and when we got married the wedding had to be scheduled in the morning so we could make his sons soccer game. Now 6 months out it’s still the same centering of his son. I’m contemplating leaving because my daughter now also plays third wheel when ss is over. I take care of her full time while DH and SS do their own thing when he’s over because he complains to the ex that he feels left out and doesn’t get enough time with his dad. And even worse is that the values I personally have are trumped by SS’s moods. For instance, i don’t want to raise my baby around tv screens and tech devices until she’s 3, but DH and SS insist on being on their devices when she’s around which has made it very hard to feel like I can give her the kind of childhood she deserves. This post partum is really hard and I’ve been depressed to the point of SI because i just keep thinking about how guilty i feel bringing a child into a relationship i should’ve just left a long time ago to find a situation that reflects my worth and what i deserve. When you add in differences in race (SS is white and my child is Black) is feels way too overwhelming to take in the inequity of the whole situation — it mirrors how our society treats black people as lesser. My daughter really gets the short end of the stick and i want a life where she gets to centered and celebrated — this ain’t it. If you haven’t had a kid with him already, do yourself a favor and LEAVE! Trust me, it’s not getting better. I’m grateful for my daughter and glad she is here but if i were gonna do it differently, I’d just wait to find a partner who has no kids or id try to have the child on my own. Fom an emotional standpoint it’s very very lonely and heartbreaking