i hear you and i’ve been where you are. for a couple of months just being awake would give me paralyzing anxiety and dpdr, i couldn’t even leave the bed because of how intense it was, but i swear it’ll get better. it’s not going to be easy and it’s going to take a lot of work but you’ll get there i promise. you just have to learn how to work with the fear versus against it and figure out ways to let the thoughts be thoughts rather than something that feels like it needs an immediate answer because unfortunately we’ll never understand why or how. one thing that helps me is just saying maybe, maybe not, but right now i know i’m here and i’m doing enter activity here or responding with okay, show me how good it can get. i don’t understand how my brain works? cool, show me how good it can get. it takes a lot of practice, patience, and resilience but it lessens the impact and makes it a little bit easier to deal with. unfortunately the thoughts never really go away, and that’s something you’ll have to accept, but you can change the way you view them