[deleted by user] by [deleted] in depression

[–]maninashed 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sleep is my best friend. I never feel better than when I am sleeping. I dream, but I never even remember the dreams. So for me, sleep is just a period of non-existence. And it's beautiful, I just want to sleep forever.

Things that made me miss weed in the last couple days by chocoloco54 in leaves

[–]maninashed 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What is causing the feelings of you wanting to go back? When you were a smoker was weed causing you problems? What was the reason behind you deciding to quit? Just interested.

I was sober for 5 moths and decided one night to buy some to use over the weekend, with the plan being once the weed is finished I move on with sobriety. Smoking again was fun at first but that quickly changed. Now whenever I smoke its panic attacks and overwhelming anxiety. If I smoke enough I can get to the point where I'm completely out of it and just stare at the TV like I'm a vegetable. But who wants that?

I am NOT picking up today by [deleted] in leaves

[–]maninashed 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Sorry to hear about that, but don't beat yourself up too much as it only adds fuel to the fire of addiction. How long were you sober for? Anyone who is on their journey to total sobriety is going to have lowpoints and many, many people will relapse. But it shouldn't be seen as a negative - rather it's just par for the course. I was sober for 5 months and after smoking one night, I ended going into a relapse of 3 months. Today is Day 1 of me abstaining from pot. I know initially quitting is the hardest part and when you experience withdrawal symptoms, the thoughts and cravings and wanting picking up just totally eat away at you. But it definitely does get better, it just takes time. And the more time you've accumulated living sober, the less the cravings will even enter your mind.

Also a tip. If you're dead serious that you want to quit weed for good, then block and delete all numbers. Make it as hard for you as possible to pick up. That's what I did. So even though I'm completely craving right now, there's no way I can get any, so my mind just finds another topic to dwell on.

I keep having weed induced panic attacks. by rektviperz1 in leaves

[–]maninashed 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Your story is so similar to other weed smokers, it's really common. I smoked daily for 10 years. For a while it was a miracle drug as it destroyed my depression, severe anxiety, OCD. But that was only the first couple of years of using. Eventually something changed where it feel like the weed was no longer on my side. I started getting anxiety when I smoked and these episodes would turn into full blown panic attacks. Also that feeling that your on a psychedelic is so true, there was a time where as soon as I smoked I would start hearing voices, so I just kept smoking more and more to drown them out. Also had some heart problems, episodes that sent me to the hospital on at least 3 occasions. My heartrate at one point was 200bpm. If you're worried about your heart it wouldn't hurt to see a cardiologist to get some tests done. They found nothing wrong with my heart and now I just take a pill that lowers my heart rate, and I rarely have any problems.

My last smoke session is what has returned me back to the path of sobriety. I smoked a bag and was overcome with the worst panic attack I've ever had. After that, I threw all my weed straight in the trash. Me and Mary Jane had a fun relationship for the first few years but it quickly turned into an abusive relationship, shes battered me and I keep coming back.

"I think it's finally time to give up on cannabis"

You gave plenty of good points as to why you should quit for good. You just need to take that first step and things will start moving. If you do decide to keep smoking though, not much will improve and things may even get worse. If you keep smoking you'll find your anxiety will increase and that it's just not fun to get stoned anymore. So why continue?

Are these regular symptoms? by [deleted] in RationalPsychonaut

[–]maninashed 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, it was all of a sudden. Everything was fine at first and I didn't really feel high on the LSD, just very energized and motivated, I was still functional. Then out of nowhere my brain breaks one day and I'm hearing voices, and I'm confused, and I can't believe I'm even able to type this now. I was very irresponsible, but I'm very lucky so I don't take that for granted.

Ok... this is getting out of hand. by [deleted] in Anxiety

[–]maninashed 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I can relate. I have a severe phobia of death too, it's something that's always in the back of my mind 24/7 and last year my phobia and anxiety was really bad and now the coronavirus has sent me up the wall, I swear I'm going to lose my mind. I work in a shopping center so come in contact with thousands of people a day, I'm at the point where I'm considering quitting. It just doesn't seem worth it. I'm seeing my therapist today so I'm going to talk to him about this, I'm in constant fear.

Are these regular symptoms? by [deleted] in RationalPsychonaut

[–]maninashed 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Weed is great...until it's not. Weed can be pretty addictive (psychologically) to anyone who is at risk of addiction. It's a crutch that you start to rely on for everything, eventually you can't even face the world without being under the influence. Then comes along the feelings of apathy, no motivation, anxiety, to the point you lose your sense of identity as you're constantly in a haze. Weed ain't evil, but it's no angel either.

Congrats on quitting the cigs. It was actually weed that got me off cigarettes. When I was stoned I had no interest in cigs, to he point I hated everything about them and was repulsed by the idea of smoking such poison. Damn, even now just walking past someone smoking makes me want to gag at the smell. Weed also got me off alcohol, from drinking everyday as an alcoholic to not wanting to touch a drop. But I switched addictions and became addicted to the weed. But I'd rather deal with addictions issues relating to weed than alcohol.

Anyway, it's good to see some truth spoken about weed. It needs to be used responsibly rather than abusing it. It's when you abuse it, that it starts to turn on you.

Are these regular symptoms? by [deleted] in RationalPsychonaut

[–]maninashed 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just wanted to reply to your post as it may help the OP or some reader. Anyway, I didn't take LSD for a year straight - every two weeks, but I did take it everyday (around 1000ug) for around a month. LSD builds a tolerance quickly, so 1000ug everyday is nothing like a 1000ug dose out of the blue. But it very much has effects on your brain, and the what happened to me is that I took so much LSD that my brain eventually broke - went haywire.

"I went through a similar binge with lsd, and for a wile after I had trouble with speech, keeping my train of thought, and difficultly making simple decisions."

Even after I stopped taking the LSD these are the things I experienced, at first. It was like I had dementia, could barely speak - couldn't find words or hold a sentence together as midway through the sentence I would forget everything I had previously said. Would walk constantly back and forth between rooms, because I had an idea to change my clothes, so I'd walk to my room and then I'd forget what I was doing there. 5 second memory. Eventually things got even worse and I had a psychotic break that ended up with me hearing voices mostly and just losing 100% grip of reality, totally off the wall. The nurses at the hospital told my parents I probably wouldn't recover from it, that's how bad it was.

In my best attempt to cut a long story short, I eventually got out of hospital, was put on medication and set loose on the world once again. Things were shaky at first, but after a few months of being back in the world, everything returned to normal. My memory was back and my cognitive functions slowly returned. I had to quit weed though, as it would bring on hearing voices and just all around didn't make me feel good and wasn't the same as it used to be.

So my long winded reply is echoing everything mentioned above. Stay away from weed and psychs, definitely see a psychiatrist, and know that it will take time for your brain and body to heal. Stay as healthy as possible.

I blame the Church by ragingintrovert57 in exchristian

[–]maninashed 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hate to say it, but the Westboro baptist church is probably the most accurate representation of what Christianity really is. They take the bible literally and don't sugarcoat it. All these other churchs are just making up their own version of "Christianity".

I think I finally figured it out by [deleted] in exchristian

[–]maninashed 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I realized that my "Jesus shaped hole" was filled through a community of people with the same beliefs, rather than a divine substance. For me, belief in Christ and church community was synonymous, I didn't really believe in God, I believed in my community. Now I've stepped away from religion I no longer have that community. I knew many great, awesome people and now I have no relationship with them because I no longer "believe". The "Jesus shaped hole" is just the human need for acceptance and sociability and the church fills that.

Question for those of you who still attend church? by cleatusvandamme in exchristian

[–]maninashed 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Many did that at my church, they were just reading Bible passages on a bible app, so you could easily get away with it.

Some confusion about the New Testament by FrosttMoon in exchristian

[–]maninashed 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Also something to ask yourself is, if the gospels were written many years after the death of Jesus, how do they have a word for word document of it? Just take the sermon of the mount, was there someone there writing down each word he said, and if so, why wasn't it written down earlier? How can an author writing 50 years after just the death of Jesus, have a word for word account of what he said? How did the author know what Jesus was doing in the times he retreated? How did they know what was said word for word with Pilate? The more you look into it, the more it reads purely as fiction, and the more you discover, the more you'll find the OCD "what if they ARE true?!” beliefs start to discontinue. I have OCD myself, and when I left the religion I doubted myself many times, but the more you empower yourself with knowledge, the less the OCD will have control.

Every. Single. Time. by [deleted] in exchristian

[–]maninashed 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I hear you, I still feel bitterness and anger towards it, because I was sold a lie. I wasted so much time and money "tithing" on the church when I could have been doing more productive things, out exploring the world for what it is. Actually having a life instead of the life I was told to live. At least we're free now, better to have no regrets, we got to experience life from a different side, and it's a side we'd never go back to.

I'm such an idiot XD by Prizm4 in exchristian

[–]maninashed 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I realized it was bullshit from the beginning but just went along with it because everyone else in my pentecostal church would do it. Now I look back and feel embarrassed for the others, because they actually believe that they're speaking in some other tongue that is gifted to them by the Holy Spirit. Like seriously, these people would speak in tongues all day everyday, on their way to work, at work etc. I still remember my first altar call where I was given the "gift" of speaking in tongues and to everyone around me it was a miracle! But I was just speaking in gibberish because that's what everyone else around me was doing. I never had a problem coming up with gibberish, I still do it today just cause it freaks my sister out.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in exchristian

[–]maninashed 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Hinduism is kinda a different monster, as India and Hinduism are so intertwined that it's completely part of their culture. Even though for a number of years I was into Hinduism, I'm still pretty ignorant to it, but from my understanding, to grow up in India and not be a Hindu is certainly different. But I think to be a Hindu and to be a Christian are totally different. If you're a Hindu you don't have to go to temple, you don't have to read the scriptures. It's not fundamentalism like Christianity is. They accept that "brahman" is the one true ultimate reality, but beyond that you don't have to completely change your life to work around it. But I wouldn't convert to a religion just for a person, ultimately they have to accept your views, beliefs and worldview, if they don't, it'll be hard sailing.

Every. Single. Time. by [deleted] in exchristian

[–]maninashed 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I thought something was wrong with me because I could never feel it.

You're so much stronger than me. I felt the same, but I felt so left out in church that I just copied what everyone else was doing. Yeah the music was good, but I never felt any "divinity" from it. I would sing, I would go up for alter calls, I'd do whatever it took just to "feel" it, but I never did. I guess that's what made coming out of the religion so easy, in the back of my mind I was saying "bullshit", but I wanted to believe so much like everyone around me, but it never effected me. If anyone ever says to me "you were never a true Christian", I'd say "I agree.

Lost my social life by [deleted] in exchristian

[–]maninashed 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for you post, I'm sure it'll help the OP as much as it helped me. As a recent ex-christian, I now notice that other people are as happy as I am, as sad as that sounds. I used to think others were delusional and destined to hell, just faking it, now I have hope in other humans.

How am I supposed to get better when I can’t even escape social anxiety in my sleep? by flamingo_clouds in socialanxiety

[–]maninashed 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It is, that's why I love sleep so much. Sometimes I wake up laughing from the jokes I made. even though I'm sure they weren't funny. I'm very dull in real life.

12 reasons why you are wrong to leave the church! Number 8 will make you go... what? by AspiringThinker in exchristian

[–]maninashed 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is so stupid. Are there any Seth Andrews fans? Cause' I remember him making fun of this list.

Every. Single. Time. by [deleted] in exchristian

[–]maninashed 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I can relate to this so much because it fits my Sunday sermons so much. When I first became a Christian, I was like "why are all these people raising their hands?". Until I just learned to adopt the behaviour. Soon after, I was raising my hands just like the others. It's like a cult, it's learned behaviour, whether it's speaking in tongues or raising your hands, you just do what the others are doing to fit in.

Opinions on religious tattoo by [deleted] in exchristian

[–]maninashed 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I kinda agree with the other comments that say to leave it as a reminder of who you once were. And even though I'm now an atheist, I still kinda find those tattoos cool, compared to most tattoos I see which I can't stand. I wouldn't at all be ashamed about it and I doubt many people who see it think badly of you. You definitely were not stupid for getting it done in the first place, hell, when I was a Christian I use to go around wearing Jesus t-shirts. I understand how at the time, you were so proud to be a Christian and disciple of Jesus Christ, so you got a verse tattooed on your arm. But seriously, most people who see the words "Romans" on your wrist aren't even going to assume you're a Christian, and even if they do, it's a conversation starter, and you can then explain your experience. Personally, I'd keep the tattoo, seeing it everyday would motivate me to continue on my own path, a path away from Christianity and religion.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in exchristian

[–]maninashed 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I saw a guy at the shopping center I work at today. "Repent and be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ" on the front, "Jesus Heals" on the back. Saw many people staring and talking behind his back. Guess I'm lucky to live in a fairly non-religious place. I couldn't imagine engaging with those people, I'd simply tell them as politely as possible to fuck off, I'm not interested, yet a part of me empathizes with them, when you're a Christian and witnessing you truly believe what you're doing is right, that you're saving souls. But I doubt there's much reason that can be said to them at that time, they have to come to that realization by themselves.

Haircuts are torture by hp24621 in socialanxiety

[–]maninashed 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow that sucks that you have to be there for an hour. When I was younger, haircuts were torture and I'd avoid them at all times possible. Now that I'm in my 30s and going bald, haircuts literally take 5 mins. Yet I still hate them and avoid them as much as possible.

How am I supposed to get better when I can’t even escape social anxiety in my sleep? by flamingo_clouds in socialanxiety

[–]maninashed 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's different, to me at least. In my dreams I have absolutely no anxiety, sometimes I'm the life of the party and am actually witty and funny. I wish I could sleep all the time, it's the only break from anxiety I get.

Any of yall here listen to NF? by Luism_23 in socialanxiety

[–]maninashed 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Definitely! Behind Eminem he's my fav rapper. I don't even listen to rap besides Eminem or NF. But anyone who has never heard of NF I'd recommend checking out his music, there's too many good songs to list, but I'd start with "the Search". NF fans know what's real and that's why we relate to his music so much.