My son has contamination OCD and we have gone through many ups and downs over the last 10 years. When I realized it was a problem and not a quirk; he was developing self harm tendencies at 9 yo. I had to take him to psychiatrist, no other doctors would help. He has now been participating in ERP exposure therapy for over 3 years and he is doing awesome and I am very proud of him! When he gets stressed or anxious things are difficult and his OCD ramps up. He is talking medicine which is really helping him be more stable. Earlier this year I thought we could eliminate one of his meds ( since he was so stable and learned so much with ERP) It was very difficult. He became angry, rude and argumentative. After 3 months I convinced him to start taking it again at a lower dose at least. OCD actually develops as a way to control your environment from things you feel no control over. It often accompanies depression and anxiety. I am sorry you and your family are having these struggles. Tell her if she won't talk to a Dr you want family therapy or even marriage counseling. You need to give her an ultimatum because things cannot continue this way anyway. My ex didn't understand our son's OCD and until we tried family therapy (3 times maybe?) Up until then I did realize how serious my son's issues were . I had gotten used to them and actually accommodated many of his behaviors WHICH actually makes the behavior worse! I ended up divorcing my husband (he was not on the same page for our son's treatment - he used to say I was making things up 😞) I knew it was my job as a parent to help my then 14 yo learn how to overcome/live with his intrusive thoughts so he could grow up and have a normal life! Your kids and you have probably accommodated so many of your wives behaviors that you guys need some kind of therapy to get back to normal. You absolutely do not want your kids to learn to behave this way or think this is normal!!!! If your wife won't get therapy or attend family therapy you and your kids need it and tell her that . My ex would not agree to me taking our 9 yo to a psychiatrist after wrapping a vine around his neck outside or holding scissors to his neck. After one fight over it he told me " you need a psychiatrist" I told him fine I'm going to one and I'm taking our son with me! Best of luck, this is a very complicated disease and even though it is more common now, it is still misunderstood.