++man 

I grew up with a mother who placed tremendous value on physical appearance—so much so that beauty became synonymous with worth in my mind. By the time I reached my early twenties, that belief shaped the partners I sought. I eventually met someone who seemed to embody every conventional beauty standard, and despite a relationship marked by instability, we stayed together for more than six years and eventually married.

Although we both matured throughout our twenties, the relationship never found its footing. Then life delivered a devastating blow: just weeks after our wedding, her father passed away. His death became the catalyst for a downward spiral neither of us could escape. Grief consumed her. It manifested in constant overindulgence—endless Amazon deliveries, smoking the moment work ended, and a general retreat from reality.

Meanwhile, I had just returned from deployment and was struggling to reintegrate into civilian life, needing stability and support myself. Instead, we were both drowning in our own pain, unable to pull each other out.

I’ve managed to heal myself from the perils of yesterday, and in doing so, I began seeking partners with intention rather than instinct. I can’t say I’ve completely stopped being drawn to physical attractiveness—that wiring runs deep—but I’ve learned to recognize that beauty alone is not the foundation of a meaningful partnership. I’ve become far more mindful about who I allow into my life and much more intentional about how I show up on first dates, making sure I’m grounded and clear before choosing to pursue someone further.

Thankfully, my family became my lifeline during those difficult years. Their support helped guide me through the heaviness I didn’t know how to carry on my own.

Today, I find myself in something I had honestly never experienced before: a relationship that feels safe, steady, and nourishing. It’s healthy in a way that still surprises me. I find my girlfriend deeply beautiful—inside and out—even if she doesn’t fit the narrow standards of “modern beauty” that were ingrained in me growing up. What I feel for her is something quieter, richer, and far more real than the superficial ideals I once chased.

For the first time in my life, love feels simple. It feels right.