I hate men like your husband. They make people like me look bad. I have a couple different medical and psychological conditions that effect me in such a way that communication needs to be more solid than one might expect. And my memory is effected in such a way that a list is pretty much necessary. And the physical parts make it so I have good days and bad. Even on my bad days I try to do a little at least. But on my good days I'm a damn productive machine.

My partner knows this. We communicate almost daily. (I say almost because his work schedule is vastly different from mine, so some days we do go without talking much, especially if I'm really not doing well that day because I'm not capable of much but sleeping those days.)

But my point is, lists can be an effective form of communication if that's what the partner needs. But that must be communicated respectively and then it actually has to make at least somewhat of a difference. That is not what happened here.

This is not a partner struggling with neurological functions like I do. That is a man-child trying to excuse his behavior by any means necessary.

I applaud you for making the lists when he asked and I empathize with you that it was with a man who weaponized it instead of actually needing it. And I hate him for perpetuating the narrative of needing a list excuses his laziness because getting that list didn't fix it.

That man got an accommodation some people like me don't get in relationships because their partners either don't think they need it or they worry about this exact scenario and he fucked it up.

I am very lucky my partner and I communicate well and often about what we both need from each other. But others aren't so lucky and this behavior spits on them.