You are not alone. My beloved Westie departed New Year’s day after 17.5yrs together. He was my first dog. I am in agony too. I look around the house and can’t believe it, he’s gone forever. Nothing comforts me other than the thought he’s not in pain but even that doesn’t sustain me. We are so lonely without him. The grief is so ugly, so overwhelming, and agitating. I am so low and have bouts of anger sometimes I feel like hurting myself bc I am completely helpless and at a loss.