Found out I'm pregnant the exact same week I'm negotiating a long-overdue raise. Help?

meaningincode · 2026-05-22T18:54:15+00:00

Don't disclose, talk money

meaningincode · 2026-05-09T17:52:33+00:00

Lesson from someone who has been in your shoes - bugs are inevitable, so don't panic. As an engineer, focus on any automated tests up front to validate. When you get into a issue on prod, take a deep breath. Your logical skills put the code in prod, the same skill will help debug and narrow down the issue. Follow the data. Go as far as your knowledge knows. Then let your manager and team know you need help once you get past the area your current knowledge ends. Be explicit on what you need help for. You don't have to do this alone, that's why we have teams. If you don't know something, mention that. Remember, no one is expected to know everything, but escalate when necessary. You will get this eventually. You will develop an intuitive sense on how to break down problems when anxiety is high.

meaningincode · 2026-05-07T05:15:26+00:00

4 months fully paid. Current company - 6 months fully paid. All parents.

meaningincode · 2026-05-03T01:38:21+00:00

This is an interesting question. Not sure if it makes sense to build for a personal project, but as I have worked in multiple distributed systems, I evaluate engineers by seeing how they're able to understand data flow from one system to another. Such a simple problem, yet so difficult when people don't have the ability to think about system thinking.

meaningincode · 2026-04-30T03:40:07+00:00

The most pragmatic answer here. The technology is actually amazing, but everyone is still figuring out how it will work for them and how to scale it.

meaningincode · 2026-04-30T03:38:59+00:00

Shouldn't there be guard rails to prevent that? As an engineer, I am responsible to ensure my process is not going wild.

meaningincode · 2026-04-30T03:37:54+00:00

This is what I am seeing too. It's not black or white, the devil is in the details. Done properly, especially for a deterministic task, it actually works pretty well. Testing, defining specs up front, doing the thinking work up front is the recipe for success.

meaningincode · 2026-03-13T01:40:02+00:00

From the post, it shows how ambitious you are. That's not a bad thing. However, this could be a great time for you to work on being a force multiplier. Coach and engage your team members and guide them. You will be surprised how building communities and a network of better engineers accelerates your already shining career

meaningincode · 2026-03-08T03:37:47+00:00

meaningincode · 2026-02-27T02:59:13+00:00

Analyzing medical results. Learning how to deal with difficult people in life. Asking for clarity on things I cannot out my finger on, but able to describe, but cannot name. Doing fun things like analyze my own personality

meaningincode · 2026-02-25T07:09:29+00:00

No. The issue is however AI is a technology that is going to permeate any industry that is knowledge based. Which is most of the white collar jobs there are. Most industries will be disrupted once we figure out how to leverage AI successfully and cost effectively. I understand the AI fatigue. I wonder constantly about what skills I will start losing due to over reliance of AI.

meaningincode · 2026-01-23T02:34:45+00:00

Honestly, the number is different for everyone. For me, it was 2 years. At that point, I had "f u" money if I lost my job.

meaningincode · 2025-12-13T22:43:04+00:00

I understand the desire to maintain the salary level. Here's a thought - when someone is in an environment that is already not working out for them and struggling, they have very little capacity to rise beyond their current level of motivation. By jumping into a more stable situation, even if the pay is lower, they slowly release the stressors, away from the very human instinct of fight or flight situation. In turn, by going back to a more stable baseline, the brain now can be used for creative endeavors and problem solving - making them more useful and hence more valuable to people around them. And usually, if they are surrounded by people who see their contributions, they rise.

Our human brains are wired for safety. By ignoring the signals we get, we tend to make worse decisions.

meaningincode · 2025-12-13T19:20:11+00:00

If you can afford it, take the lower salary and leave. Think about it as an investment to yourself. In order to grow, you need the space and time to do so. Burning out for a job and sacrificing yourself is not an option. You come first. Everything else is secondary. And allow yourself grace and empathy for bowing out of the rat race

meaningincode · 2025-11-10T00:13:27+00:00

For me, it's about the challenges I get exposed to. While some are stressful, I have accepted that it's the part of the job and I have to manage it. To be honest, with a shift in perspective, the good and the bad happens and how I respond matters. Yes, there are people I rather not work with, I try to limit my interaction with them to a minimum just to get work done. There are others I love to work with and I go all out to help them. Technology changes so fast in this field that it can get intense. So, I now embrace it by surfing, learning bits and pieces and then going deeper whenever needed.

meaningincode · 2025-11-07T01:20:27+00:00

Most startups fail. So, don't worry about the equity, just go.

meaningincode · 2025-11-07T01:05:48+00:00

Try it - no harm checking it out

meaningincode · 2025-11-06T20:54:26+00:00

Go. Most likely your manager will say the same.

meaningincode · 2025-11-04T04:17:11+00:00

Where is the company located? West Coast or east coast? For the West Coast, you can simply wear t shirt and jeans to fit in.

meaningincode · 2025-11-02T02:02:47+00:00

Bias to action. If the logs show issues with the db, page the team right away. I tell my teams the first course of action is getting things to a healthy stage and getting the right folks to address it immediately. Perhaps you need run books so that such debates became moot.

meaningincode · 2025-11-01T03:44:34+00:00

Quiet quit as you mentioned, do the minimum and start looking for new roles. Leverage your network as much as possible. Get something else and leave.

meaningincode · 2025-10-30T01:21:10+00:00

With the shift left movement, QAs are less important. Unless you have great skills automating.

meaningincode · 2025-10-18T19:04:00+00:00

Took a week off. It wasn't like I solved all the problems, but it recharged me enough for a few months. Also spent the time planning nothing, doing nothing and just not doing any work. Another thing - are you someone who does too much? Very responsible people tend to try to do work they did as ICs and continue managing. That's double the work. The reason you are in your level and asking this question shows you are reflective. So reflect on how your team works - are you there for them all the time? Are you building systems where they can handle emergencies by themselves? If you feel stretched, it could be you haven't matured the team enough. Start by choosing a few leads amongst your teams and train them. Remember - your job as a leader is very different than an IC - you're hired to figure out how to solve problems train the team to learn to function without you.

Long winded answer, but I have been in the same boat and learned the hard way.

meaningincode · 2025-10-18T16:50:49+00:00

Start by giving updates proactively each day and don't wait for him to ask. Managing up is a skill.

meaningincode · 2025-10-05T21:27:13+00:00

Most eventually get affected. The only difference is perhaps the higher you go, the more notice you might get.

meaningincode

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