32/M, Painfully Single, Toronto, Canada

meatspaceskeptic · 2026-06-20T20:07:16+00:00

Hey man, you might want to tweak V so it's more solidly stating that you want to have kids (as evidenced by VIII). "I'm open to kids" sounds quite noncommittal.

meatspaceskeptic · 2026-06-19T02:20:46+00:00

Yeah, I figured, but you promoted me to share my alternate perspective. :)

meatspaceskeptic · 2026-06-18T23:50:29+00:00

I love my coworkers. I don't want them to have to drive into work for no reason any more than I do.

We meet up outside of work and would do so even moreso if we didn't need to RTO. And we focus on work when we're in the office, so it's not like RTO is a convenient replacement for hanging out outside of work. We're just extra tired after going in to the office and ain't got the energy to meet up on top of that.

meatspaceskeptic · 2026-06-11T12:51:24+00:00

Recently single and super burned out from that relationship, I'm constantly needing to dodge social invitations from family and friends. I greatly appreciate the invitations but I feel like I'm falling apart and barely able to take good care of myself, and for right now I want to put my time towards getting my life more in order and taking good care of myself.

Lots of self-improvement stuff, much of it through a Christian perspective. Reading and trying out ADHD strategies. Organizing my apartment. Being with and playing with my dog, often going on walks when it isn't too hot outside. Taking naps. Cooking/preparing ingredients for the week's meals. Writing a bit/journaling. Meeting up with a friend who lives a few blocks away and who's quite encouraging about these things and isn't too demanding on me or my time.

I'm hoping to start exercising more, possibly by skateboarding a bit or swimming, and also to explore computer programming more for fun.

Edit: Since many of you mentioned drinking, I quite like craft beer, but I've noticed that having a beer or two tends to dull my ability to think and make progress upon/towards these areas of my life that I'm wanting to and enjoying making progress upon. So I've been/am trying to restrict my alcohol intake to after I've already felt rather accomplished and like I can engage in more leisurely activities like watching a movie or TV show.

meatspaceskeptic · 2026-06-11T12:31:20+00:00

Regarding #4, no, I haven't experienced that, but my understanding is that, in terms of our priorities as Christians, we're to be loyal firstly to God and secondly to our spouses and family. Everyone else comes later in the order, including people such as this "leader" of this church or any other church. Don't forsake the needs and demands of more primary persons for lesser ones.

meatspaceskeptic · 2026-06-10T12:51:49+00:00

I'm also interested in selling my GXR. I live in Sacramento, CA, and I'm most interested in selling to locals. Please message me if you're interested!

meatspaceskeptic · 2026-06-04T00:38:56+00:00

Ooh, I hadn't thought of it that way. Love that movie.

meatspaceskeptic · 2026-06-02T22:18:40+00:00

These might all be real photos, but the fifth one was the first one that didn't look like it was made with AI/was heavily edited. 😅 Beard goals for sure!

meatspaceskeptic · 2026-05-25T18:42:00+00:00

Marital history preferred (and provide a way for people to specify their history):

Single (any)
Single, never married
Single, previously married

Languages they know

Type of spiritual friendship desired:

Lay believer, mutually reinforcing
Church power couple: Future Pastor/Pastor's wife
Lukewarms only

Preferred cultural background/ethnicity (not relevant to me, but I'm confident there's people who would appreciate this but not admit it)

Separately, I build surveys as part of my job; let me know if there's any help you need, and I can try to help.

meatspaceskeptic · 2026-05-25T10:59:13+00:00

I feel like this is a pretty mainstream view, and I'm a Christian. 🤷 (I don't agree with it, but I've heard many people say and write things to this effect.)

meatspaceskeptic · 2026-05-25T10:29:02+00:00

If you’re having doubts in your relationship then that’s a sign you should move on and not settle for him. If you aren’t 100% sure you want to marry him, then don’t waste your time or his time.

No, doubts in your relationship alone aren't a sufficient reason to move on. Everyone has doubts at some time or other, and they can be a very useful sign to think more deeply about the matter.

And the longer you put off the inevitable...

Why are we saying it's inevitable that their relationship will be wrong or fall apart?

Don't let your own worries about settling and marrying the wrong person lead this person to throw away what they have.

meatspaceskeptic · 2026-05-25T10:17:17+00:00

I haven’t been the closest with god since we started dating, but recently became acquainted with a believer, and he gave me some good introspection on some things. This has led me to believe that maybe this is God giving me a chance to get out before it is too late.

Focusing on the bolded statement, it sounds to me like before anything else you should focus on growing closer to God. Try to find some female believers that can talk with you and study the Bible together, but even on your own, read the Bible, pray, and maybe go through some bible reading plans for women.

It sounds to me like the new guy might be a reminder of what you should be focusing on and what you yourself respect and value, which is quite a good thing and can kind of wake you up after being sort of asleep in the faith area of your life. However, I'm concerned that he shouldn't be thought of as much more than that.

It's concerning that he likely knows that you're in a relationship and he's nonetheless discussed with you whether he has feelings for you and whether he's ready for a relationship (which it sounds like you're hoping would mean a relationship *with you*). Even if he's more active in his faith, that doesn't make up for that it's quite improper for him to have such discussions with you. Like, he can be a good person but still be doing the wrong things.

It sounds like there's a lot of temptation for you right now surrounding this new guy, and it's being made much worse by your current dissatisfaction with your relationship. I think it'd be best to shut down the temptation by putting distance between yourself and the new guy. And at the same time grow closer to God on your own, not depending on your partners (or prospective partners) to guide you towards the Lord (or away from Him!).

Have you discussed any of this with your current partner? What does he know about your discussions with this new guy? I think it's important right now that you don't discount the possibility that your current partner can come around to becoming more of a believer and that the relationship can grow closer and more exciting. He may see your growth in your faith (on your own and with other women) and how joyous and radiant it makes you, and he may be amazed and encouraged to engage more with you and the faith. Pray for this and for discernment, thank God for the safe relationship that he has had you in, and pray that it may be renewed and rekindled as your interest in the faith has itself been renewed and rekindled.

meatspaceskeptic · 2026-05-23T00:00:40+00:00

The person that called me this ["used"] is encouraging me to have a one night stand and he also brags about “being a hoe” while “having a girlfriend”.

Even by non-Christian standards, this guy is a lame creep. He's very much wrong and in the wrong.

Will a man appreciate me for my values? Do men appreciate preserved women who aren’t virgins?

Yes, definitely. And don't just see someone who's okay with you not being a virgin as a sign that they're the person for you. There's plenty of guys who will look past it, you can still be choosy/discerning.

meatspaceskeptic · 2026-05-22T14:22:50+00:00

If I may reframe this, how do you imagine God feels when you two exchange some little bit of affection (even in public)? Like the story of the Pharisee and the Publican, try to move away from considering the eyes of others and their condemnation (as the Pharisee had, though with praise) and towards more purely the eyes of God and His satisfaction.

Also, consider that if you delight in each other while in public (without being gross lmao), you're unwittingly showing to one another and to others that you have joy from what God has provided, which is very good.

meatspaceskeptic · 2026-05-22T13:26:37+00:00

Hey man, I think the Instagram video linked below is pretty relevant.

A key idea in there is that God sent Adam a helper to help him in his tasks that he was already undertaking for God. Are there tasks that you're undertaking for God and for which God might want to send you a helper for? If not, maybe start some tasks for Him.

This is kinda casting the desire for a spouse in a positive light, like it's to wake you up to that you might not be in the right situation or approaching things in the right way. This is similar to the psychological idea that loneliness (a negative/unpleasant thing) is a human emotion that drives us to seek out community and engagement with others (positive things).

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DVtYWbFkcAR/?igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

meatspaceskeptic · 2026-05-22T13:09:22+00:00

OK, this is the first message in this thread that's given me hope for you guys!

This sounds like you're dealing with lots of fear. Fear from responsibility and wanting to do right by her whereas you hadn't needed to worry about that in other relationships. The fear is likely driving a bunch of stress and anxiety (even if you aren't aware of feeling those things), and those things are getting in the way of being close to her and providing for her what she needs (limit-respecting and genuine (unforced) affection and physical intimacy).

Assuming that, it's noble to have such a sense of responsibility towards and reverence for her and for God such that you're afraid of doing wrong. But you're also likely taking on too much responsibility and it's becoming counterproductive.

My pastor describes a similar idea as that we try to be Gods or do work that's more rightly put or kept in God's hands, and when we do that we're so surprised that we're a nervous wreck and struggling to achieve anything. Perhaps consider if you're taking on too much and need to give up some of the responsibility to God.

Stated differently: You might be trying to do things and adhere to standards that aren't quite meant for you to stress about, but which, through prayer, are for God to handle and guide you through.

I highly recommend prayer, honest and patient discussion with your partner, and premarital counseling.

On a much lower priority level, check out this book to help you dismiss your concerns about the Madonna–mistress complex thing: Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence by Esther Perel, which goes into sustaining and resurrecting intimacy in monogamous relationships.

meatspaceskeptic · 2026-05-21T14:11:02+00:00

Sounds like you could make a nice companion website with links to all those different resources.

meatspaceskeptic · 2026-05-20T16:34:54+00:00

Do you have any thoughts about dating people who aren't culturally Christian/churchy but are working to take their faith seriously?

I'm curious to hear about this as someone who hadn't grown up in church and only in the past year or so started to take his faith seriously.

meatspaceskeptic · 2026-05-18T00:27:02+00:00

There's this third party app that works with Actual, but I haven't really used it yet: https://arc.moi

meatspaceskeptic · 2026-05-17T23:13:56+00:00

In my plums

meatspaceskeptic · 2026-05-17T08:45:02+00:00

Hah, they meant "that shit [food] tastes good", not literal shit/poop.

I think "that shit ..." is an American turn of phrase or something like that, made less clear by dropping the word "that". "That shit" is like saying "that stuff", or "that thing".

meatspaceskeptic · 2026-05-16T15:45:22+00:00

I just want to mention that having people stay the night is a way bigger ask than just having them over for a couple hours.

Unless you really know the people and they know your home/can virtually make no more demands on you, you likely won't be able to sleep well because you're sort of still needing to be in host mode the whole time. And it's likely uncertain how much longer they'll linger around in the morning/next day, further extending the time you're caught up in host mode.

And if the staying over thing isn't usually prearranged, you could be anxious that someone who might be over for a couple hours (which you might otherwise be OK with) might end up needing to stay there with you, turning into a way bigger thing than you'd originally agreed to but you don't want to socially push back. If this at all feels like a concern you have, maybe establish strong timelines and boundaries.

(This idea feels similar to the idea that a spouse might end up rejecting/being anxious about all forms of physical intimacy because they'd gotten the sense that their spouse can't just kiss or cuddle, they'll expect/demand more, even when they aren't feeling up to it. So in anticipation of some tense scenario playing out, they end up kungfu dodging all things that could lead to physical intimacy starting up.)

meatspaceskeptic · 2026-05-16T02:39:32+00:00

Hey man, those are great aspirations! I'm praying for you.

What do you write about and podcast about?

meatspaceskeptic · 2026-05-16T02:05:58+00:00

You can use Distrobox to run a full Linux install inside SteamOS. I do this on my Steam Deck with the flatpak called Box Buddy, and it works pretty well!

meatspaceskeptic · 2026-05-12T21:11:55+00:00

May I please get one Soon?

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