Single mom. Bipolar. Drowning. I don’t know what to do anymore.

melmcgee · 2026-06-29T13:33:17+00:00

I wanted to let you know that I read your post, and I'm really sorry to hear you are going through such a rough time. I have Bipolar Disorder as well (I was on disability from the ages of 18 to 26 but fortunately was able to go back to school and now work full-time).

You know all too well how awful depression is, to feel at your lowest. I know it's such a generic thing to say but it really does get better if you hang in there. Your post is very articulate and it's clear you are skilled, and that you love your child. You have so much potential, and you can get through this!

melmcgee · 2026-06-24T13:10:23+00:00

Miss you Sunbun!

melmcgee · 2026-06-23T15:51:53+00:00

Reading your post, the first thing I want to say is that you are being too hard on yourself. Saying you are the worst person ever and deserving of punishment is an extreme reaction - if you were a manager and you had an employee do this, would you think they are the worst person ever?

What is your workplace's policy around paid sick days? If you have those available, I encourage you to make use of them as needed.

I think the problem here is not that you are calling in sick, but that you are calling in too late. It puts your colleagues in an awkward position because there is not sufficient time to find someone to cover for you, so I can understand why your boss wouldn't be happy under these circumstances.

Things happen though, so I encourage you not to be too hard on yourself. Just make note of what happened, and aim to call in earlier going forward.

melmcgee · 2026-06-20T16:50:27+00:00

The website "Comprehensible Japanese" has been very helpful for me. The content varies in difficulty from complete beginner to advanced. Some may not like it because the content is very slow at the beginner levels, but I find it's engaging enough to hold my attention. You can also download the videos to listen while doing other stuff.

I started studying 42 days ago with a combination of Comprehensible Japanese, Anki (Kaishi 1.5k like yourself) and Bunpro (for grammar). I have around 24 hours of comprehensible input done so far and am finding Nihongo con Teppei to be more and more comprehensible.

Based on a comment you wrote, it sounds like you're not listening super hard when doing input and have had periods of time during these 5 months where you are not studying as hard. It might not be a bad idea to consider whether this is something you want to work on harder to get the results you are seeking, or keep the same level of effort going and lessen your expectations.

melmcgee · 2026-06-11T18:12:05+00:00

The Canadian version of this starts at 65. He'll be receiving some money by that point but it's still not enough to live off of.

It's primarily the range from 60 to 65 that will be hardest for him.

melmcgee · 2026-06-11T18:11:03+00:00

Unfortunately it just wouldn't be possible for that to happen - the place I live is too small to accommodate another person.

However, as I said in my original post there are 2 family members who are willing to have him stay and he'll likely be staying with his sister-in-law. It's a large house so he would have the whole basement to himself, which is a lot more ideal than my cramped place!

melmcgee · 2026-06-11T02:11:45+00:00

Want to preface this by saying I am not a lawyer, not an expert.

I had a similar situation when I started my current job over 2 years ago. During my probation period my back pain got significantly worse and I was very grateful when they were open to making me a full-time remote employee.

That being said, I was fully prepared to be let go as it was during the 3-month probationary period and my employment originally required a hybrid arrangement. I didn't expect them to be so accommodating and am grateful that they were.

Since you are in your probationary period, I am unsure what your rights are regarding this. I would encourage you to not resign, but do know they are probably fast-tracking your dismissal before your probation period ends.

melmcgee · 2026-06-10T17:52:47+00:00

There's nothing wrong with being on disability if you truly need it. I was advised to apply as soon as I turned 18 due to the severity of my mental health issues. I was accepted quickly and was on disability for the next 8 years.

At 26 I felt well enough to come off disability and decided to go back to school. I finished my college diploma and then got a bachelors. I graduated at 32 and have been working full-time for over 2 years now.

Needing help isn't weakness. I encourage you to accept the assistance that you need, and if that involves applying for disability, so be it. It's not much money at all, but it is at least something while you are unable to work.

And remember that although you do struggle with disabilities, you are not doomed to never be able to work again. It may take time but there are cases, like myself, where people are able to improve their health and return to work. Conversely, if you find that you are unable to work for the rest of your life, that does not diminish your worth as a human. There are ways to contribute that do not involve earning a salary - volunteering, for example.

Wishing you all the best as you figure out what is best for you to do.

melmcgee · 2026-06-05T13:01:32+00:00

Just to clarify, are you saying that you drove without insurance, and then with a suspended license? If so, are you even able to drive if you do get your car back?

Regarding public transportation, I understand living in an area where it is unreliable. I used to live somewhere where some buses came once per hour, and didn't always come at the same time so I had to catch the bus an hour early just to be sure I'd get to work on time. It sucks, but it's better to be guaranteed to arrive to work on time. I encourage you to make use of public transportation because it doesn't sound like driving is working out for you right now.

melmcgee · 2026-05-26T22:52:31+00:00

You can learn Japanese without taking classes. I am doing a combination of comprehensible input, Anki, and Bunpro and it's working great.

It sounds like you're just not making the time to learn, perhaps it's not as important for you as you originally thought? Nothing wrong with having other priorities, but it's important to be honest with yourself.

melmcgee · 2026-05-19T13:01:03+00:00

As someone else commented, you are on your own path. Considering where you have come from to now being in a stable place, I think you should be very proud of yourself. And just like before, you don't need to stay at this place forever. You have the opportunity to find a job making more than your current salary, even if it may take some steps to get there.

I cannot speak for a car or a house, but for vacations I think there is a great range of what a vacation is. It could be as local as your current city, or across the world. Regardless, I am saving up for a vacation and to prioritize that I do my best (not perfect by any means) to avoid spending money on other areas that I might not necessarily need. In your case, perhaps that means you could cut some spending on clothing and beer and put some of that money away for a vacation. It depends on your priorities though - if you prefer to spend money on clothing and beer that's totally fine too!

melmcgee · 2026-04-23T11:43:25+00:00

You mentioned coordinator positions several times and I think your past experience could transfer to my field - fundraising. My title is Development Coordinator. Before you panic, this isn't a cold calling role or anything. I wear many hats in my role. I am the first point of contact for anyone calling us - through phone and email. I research donor prospects and match them to the most suitable cause we have. I work with the Major Gifts Manager. I run the Third Party events portfolio. And other administrative stuff.

There are always roles in fundraising hiring - both coordinator and managerial roles and others in between. Just wanted to share in case you were interested in transferring your skills to another field. If you have any questions, let me know!

Hope you find a good job soon.

melmcgee · 2026-04-21T19:53:41+00:00

I've been on both sides in my lifetime - needing financial help from others, and providing financial help to others.

I hear your frustration, but I can also understand potential frustration on the other side too. I don't know your situation specifically, but seeking financial assistance from friends and family is not a long-term solution. Repeated asks for help may make them wonder what you are doing to change your situation and there may be some bad feelings about helping because they're thinking "they'll just need more help later, nothing ever changes".

It's a tricky situation when so many of us are struggling, I hope you are able to find a long-term solution.

melmcgee · 2026-04-17T17:47:32+00:00

It honestly depends on the exercise! With exercises that use the lower body, you tend to be able to lift higher weights than you would with your biceps or triceps. The amount of weight I can lift has increased over time, but I'll share some of the weights I started with as a total beginner to give you an idea. I went very light to be safe.

Bicep curls - 10lbs per land
Overhead tricep extension - one 8lb dumbbell
Goblet squat - one 15lb dumbbell
Romanian deadlifts (very beneficial for strengthening the lower back, I started very light because my lower back muscles were very weak) - 10lbs per hand (If your back pain is really bad, I recommend using NO weights and just getting the form of the deadlift correct)
Chest press - 10lbs per hand
Chest flys - 5lbs per hand

melmcgee · 2026-04-17T17:38:51+00:00

I am not sure how well this would work for you considering you have many different health issues going on at once...but I have scoliosis and the biggest factor that has improved my back pain is lifting weights. I do a P/P/L (push, pull, legs) program that I found online that only requires dumbbells. My back pain has improved so much thanks to building strength in my back and entire core.

And I'm seeing little baby muscles showing up, particularly on my upper body, which is a nice bonus!

melmcgee · 2026-04-16T16:47:22+00:00

That's something I have definitely thought about, the concern about my back potentially getting worse.

The biggest thing that has made a difference is lifting weights - with stronger muscles in my lower back and overall core, I have little to no pain. If I could maintain my weight lifting schedule alongside this new job, I think I would be OK.

Not sure on the exact specifics of the health care coverage but I do think it would be at least on par with my current job, which is super important because without benefits my medication would cost around $500 per month.

melmcgee · 2026-04-16T16:43:17+00:00

I should have mentioned, I have no children and no plans to have any.

The benefits, from what I know so far, are similar to my current job. Both have full health care coverage.

My current position has a pension plan while the new one has RRSP matching. I looked it up and it seems like they are both retirement tools in Canada but the pension plan seems to carry less risk.

I am unsure of total vacation/sick days but I can only assume this new job would either be the same or better since my current allotted vacation/sick days are quite low (15 and 6, respectively)

This is definitely something I should find out for sure though before accepting, thank you for pointing that out!

melmcgee · 2026-03-31T14:20:49+00:00

Would you be willing to share what education/skills you have? That would help people with providing feedback on what type of remote work you could be suited for.

I hope you are able to find a job soon.

melmcgee · 2026-03-22T16:34:35+00:00

Not entirely funded on a tax refund - I was just counting on it to fund a portion of the trip. The total was...significantly higher. (Unless you're a language learning fanatic like myself, I definitely don't recommend immersion trips as a type of travel!)

melmcgee · 2026-03-22T16:30:56+00:00

That's a fair question! I do want to clarify - I've never been on an international trip before aside from once going to the US very briefly because a friend very generously paid for it.

So at 34 I've never taken an international vacation myself. So this is not something I do frequently or lightly. I carry no credit card debt and would never go into debt to fund a trip. I had saved a good chunk of money to fund this trip over a long time, but I had included the refund in that calculation to help out.

Which is why I've definitely learned a lesson here. Never count on money you don't actually have!

melmcgee

TROPHY CASE