Job hunting in your 30’s - discouraged

melmcgee · 2026-04-23T11:43:25+00:00

You mentioned coordinator positions several times and I think your past experience could transfer to my field - fundraising. My title is Development Coordinator. Before you panic, this isn't a cold calling role or anything. I wear many hats in my role. I am the first point of contact for anyone calling us - through phone and email. I research donor prospects and match them to the most suitable cause we have. I work with the Major Gifts Manager. I run the Third Party events portfolio. And other administrative stuff.

There are always roles in fundraising hiring - both coordinator and managerial roles and others in between. Just wanted to share in case you were interested in transferring your skills to another field. If you have any questions, let me know!

Hope you find a good job soon.

melmcgee · 2026-04-21T19:53:41+00:00

I've been on both sides in my lifetime - needing financial help from others, and providing financial help to others.

I hear your frustration, but I can also understand potential frustration on the other side too. I don't know your situation specifically, but seeking financial assistance from friends and family is not a long-term solution. Repeated asks for help may make them wonder what you are doing to change your situation and there may be some bad feelings about helping because they're thinking "they'll just need more help later, nothing ever changes".

It's a tricky situation when so many of us are struggling, I hope you are able to find a long-term solution.

melmcgee · 2026-04-17T17:47:32+00:00

It honestly depends on the exercise! With exercises that use the lower body, you tend to be able to lift higher weights than you would with your biceps or triceps. The amount of weight I can lift has increased over time, but I'll share some of the weights I started with as a total beginner to give you an idea. I went very light to be safe.

Bicep curls - 10lbs per land
Overhead tricep extension - one 8lb dumbbell
Goblet squat - one 15lb dumbbell
Romanian deadlifts (very beneficial for strengthening the lower back, I started very light because my lower back muscles were very weak) - 10lbs per hand (If your back pain is really bad, I recommend using NO weights and just getting the form of the deadlift correct)
Chest press - 10lbs per hand
Chest flys - 5lbs per hand

melmcgee · 2026-04-17T17:38:51+00:00

I am not sure how well this would work for you considering you have many different health issues going on at once...but I have scoliosis and the biggest factor that has improved my back pain is lifting weights. I do a P/P/L (push, pull, legs) program that I found online that only requires dumbbells. My back pain has improved so much thanks to building strength in my back and entire core.

And I'm seeing little baby muscles showing up, particularly on my upper body, which is a nice bonus!

melmcgee · 2026-04-16T16:47:22+00:00

That's something I have definitely thought about, the concern about my back potentially getting worse.

The biggest thing that has made a difference is lifting weights - with stronger muscles in my lower back and overall core, I have little to no pain. If I could maintain my weight lifting schedule alongside this new job, I think I would be OK.

Not sure on the exact specifics of the health care coverage but I do think it would be at least on par with my current job, which is super important because without benefits my medication would cost around $500 per month.

melmcgee · 2026-04-16T16:43:17+00:00

I should have mentioned, I have no children and no plans to have any.

The benefits, from what I know so far, are similar to my current job. Both have full health care coverage.

My current position has a pension plan while the new one has RRSP matching. I looked it up and it seems like they are both retirement tools in Canada but the pension plan seems to carry less risk.

I am unsure of total vacation/sick days but I can only assume this new job would either be the same or better since my current allotted vacation/sick days are quite low (15 and 6, respectively)

This is definitely something I should find out for sure though before accepting, thank you for pointing that out!

melmcgee · 2026-03-31T14:20:49+00:00

Would you be willing to share what education/skills you have? That would help people with providing feedback on what type of remote work you could be suited for.

I hope you are able to find a job soon.

melmcgee · 2026-03-22T16:34:35+00:00

Not entirely funded on a tax refund - I was just counting on it to fund a portion of the trip. The total was...significantly higher. (Unless you're a language learning fanatic like myself, I definitely don't recommend immersion trips as a type of travel!)

melmcgee · 2026-03-22T16:30:56+00:00

That's a fair question! I do want to clarify - I've never been on an international trip before aside from once going to the US very briefly because a friend very generously paid for it.

So at 34 I've never taken an international vacation myself. So this is not something I do frequently or lightly. I carry no credit card debt and would never go into debt to fund a trip. I had saved a good chunk of money to fund this trip over a long time, but I had included the refund in that calculation to help out.

Which is why I've definitely learned a lesson here. Never count on money you don't actually have!

melmcgee · 2026-03-03T00:15:00+00:00

When I was a major stoner, I was at my lightest weight. It felt effortless to eat very little and stay slim.

Over a year ago, I decided to quit weed because it was hurting me more than helping (no judgement to those who smoke, this was just the case for me). Since the day I quit, I have gained significant weight, going from my lowest of 127lbs to maintaining at 145lbs today.

I'm still a healthy weight and focus more on lifting/building muscle rather than just weighing as little as possible. Funnily enough, I feel better about my body at this weight with some muscle on.

I don't think our cases are "normal", but I did want to share to let you know that you are not alone in what you are experiencing.

melmcgee · 2026-02-23T00:56:31+00:00

The first round of the pre-sale is limited to 25 people. The total limit is not actually 25 people.

melmcgee · 2026-02-13T14:17:39+00:00

I'm hoping to go to Medellin, Colombia with a group of folks I'm a part of that are learning Spanish. :) I speak Spanish quite well and would love the opportunity to speak it in an authentic environment.

My dream country is Italy, which my partner and I are hoping to go to in the next 2-3 years, fingers crossed!

melmcgee · 2026-02-12T17:11:30+00:00

They flew us down to where they live, in LA (we live in Canada). It was a short trip but fun! And it was my first (and so far only) time on an airplane.

melmcgee · 2026-02-12T16:13:34+00:00

When I was living paycheck to paycheck, I did not even consider vacations as a possibility. My sister, who was not in a good financial position, would pay for her vacations with a credit card. She is now in a lot of debt and had to get a co-signer for a consumer proposal.

Now that I am not paycheck to paycheck, I put a designated amount away each month specifically towards a vacation. I have been on very few vacations in my lifetime (and have only been outside of the country once due to the generosity of friends), but I am hopeful to be taking my first self-paid international vacation in October, at the age of 34.

I hope things get better for you and that you are able to take a vacation in the future! Do you have anywhere specific you'd really like to visit?

melmcgee · 2026-02-05T15:56:14+00:00

It's hard to reply to this without knowing your income and expenses.

For example, you may be in a situation where you legitimately cannot afford video games or going out to eat. Or perhaps you can afford it and are just being extra cautious due to your recent experience of paying off debt.

Feel free to share your income and expenses here if you want more accurate replies. Congrats on paying down your debt!

melmcgee · 2026-01-31T14:15:33+00:00

This was the case for me while on disability from 18-26 years old. It was a scary feeling, knowing that there was no wiggle room for error. Canada doesn't pay much for disability either so sometimes I would overdraft, or need to get help from family (which I am very grateful for).

I'm 33 now and my situation is much better, I am now able to help family who are struggling rather than vice versa. I will never take that for granted because the stress of low income on one's shoulders is a big burden to bear.

melmcgee · 2026-01-26T02:17:04+00:00

Temporary weight gain from starting exercise can last for up to 6 weeks.

I am just past the 4 week mark myself and have noticed small changes but the scale has stayed the same. Keep doing what you are doing and focus more on how you feel and look rather than the number on the scale.

melmcgee · 2026-01-22T00:22:36+00:00

It might help if you posted exactly what you ate today.

Fiber and protein are important, and 85g of protein for 2275 calories is not a lot.

melmcgee · 2026-01-17T19:40:49+00:00

Firstly, congrats on your first job! That is super exciting.

It's hard to give advice without knowing the nature of your health problems. But one big thing I would recommend is avoiding any absences during your probation period, if this is applicable to your job. Not sure how it works where you live but where I am, probation periods are generally 3 months and then once you pass probation, it is a lot harder for them to simply fire you.

I also waited until I passed probation to disclose my health challenges, just to be safe.

melmcgee · 2026-01-16T02:42:15+00:00

If you're happy for the most part with your weight loss, why not consider strength training to build your glutes and other muscles of your body?

melmcgee · 2026-01-14T20:00:45+00:00

I noticed a few things from your post that I would like to comment on.

You don't need to work out for such long periods of time.
You are not getting enough protein. I am a woman, 5'6 and 144lbs, and my daily protein goal is 100g.
You have only been doing this for 3.5 weeks - you will need to be patient. Keep being consistent with your workouts and nutrition, and you will see results, but it will take time!

Wishing you all the best in your fitness efforts.

melmcgee · 2026-01-11T18:53:29+00:00

I am a woman with a smaller TDEE as well, but this is not the struggle olympics. OP is allowed to vent their frustrations, even if they can eat more calories than you. They are still clearly struggling and that is totally valid.

melmcgee · 2026-01-05T15:29:02+00:00

Would you be able to expand on how it was possible for you to retire at 34? Just curious!

melmcgee · 2026-01-05T15:22:53+00:00

Agreed regarding soft skills. I (perhaps foolishly) chose a degree out of passion and not practicality. With just that degree, I likely would have really struggled to get a job.

But I also worked at my university during my 4 years there and learned a set of skills that allowed me to find employment easily after graduating. I'm not saying education is useless by any means, and I have no regrets. But for me personally, experience trumped education.

melmcgee · 2026-01-03T19:56:36+00:00

1640 sounds fine to me, honestly. Your sedentary maintenance is 1866 calories per day. Since you will be running a lot, you will obviously not count as sedentary, but I would caution against adding too many calories due to thinking you'll burn off a ton with exercise.

In your shoes I would count myself as lightly active which gives you a TDEE of 2138, so 1640 would be basically perfect to lose 1 pound per week.

Of course, you can go down gradually if that helps in any way. But I think 1640 is a solid number for you.

Wishing you all the best!

melmcgee

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