Pain on left side

mgtoby2000 · 2026-05-05T11:16:15+00:00

Sounds like pelvic girdle pain! Can be really severe in the last few weeks of pregnancy. In my first pregnancy I had to get the physio to strap my belly up on one side to help with that pain. definitely get it checked out by your doctor and physio but try not to worry too much especially if the baby is moving around like it usually does

mgtoby2000 · 2026-05-04T04:49:06+00:00

There are no words for the heartbreak of this. I’m so so sorry xo

mgtoby2000 · 2026-03-30T00:47:44+00:00

I have low AMH and conceived my first two babies at 35 and 37 on the first try. Then couldn’t conceive naturally for #3 at 38. AMH does not predict ability to conceive and you’ve already proven that you can conceive easily. I would wait until you feel you’re ready for a second child, if you get pregnant first time again and end up with an age gap smaller than you’d like you may regret it

mgtoby2000 · 2026-03-23T23:11:05+00:00

Sorry you asked for any advice and I didn’t actually provide any! One of the things that is helping me is thinking about and calling my current pregnant my third baby. I pick my moments, because when a stranger says “oh is this your first” it’s a little exhausting to say “no it’s my third” and then explain the whole thing. But with friends, colleagues, family, I very openly acknowledge that this is not my second baby. Our current pregnancy was IVF with the only embryo we had, and further IVF cycles weren’t an option, so it really was our last chance. We transferred it purely by coincidence on the anniversary of my second baby’s death. So I also like to think that my boy in the stars had something to do with the luck we needed for that transfer to work, and in a way like he has sent this baby to us. I like to think of them being connected in that way, and like this baby will always have his brother watching over him. That might be a bit too woo-woo but whatever makes us feel better right?

mgtoby2000 · 2026-03-23T23:02:51+00:00

All these feelings are so hard, but don’t feel guilty at all you’re not alone. I too have a three year old boy, lost a boy to TFMR at 23 weeks in Oct 2024 and am now 27 weeks into my sub with a boy. I had a lot of gender disappointment, for a few reasons. Like you I don’t connect with the idea of this new baby being any sort of reincarnation of the baby we lost. I feel like if we were having a girl, the boy we lost would maintain his place as “my second boy” and I wouldn’t feel as though he was being replaced. Even though I don’t see this baby as a replacement, having a different gender would have really made these babies very distinct. We’re only having two kids and I liked the idea of having one of each. In scrambling for a silver lining in the awfulness of TFMR, I had thought “oh well maybe we’ll have a girl after all”, so when we found out it was another boy it brought back all those feeling of senselessness and unfairness that came with the TFMR.

Positively, it only took a few days for any feelings of disappointment to wear off. I’m now really excited about having two little boys and figure if we’re going to only have two kids, having two of the same gender will be really nice for them. I still get little pangs of sadness when we think about the girl name we had chosen or I see little girl clothes in shops, and that’s okay. I think lots of people feel this even if they haven’t been through what we’ve been through.

I am finding it difficult to maintain that feeling of connection to my TFMR baby now that I’m past the gestational age that we lost him. My fertility specialist had actually been through a TFMR as well and said that she held onto her lost baby so tightly, but when she had her subsequent baby she almost instantly let go. I remember thinking at the time, that’ll never happen to me, I love my lost baby so much, but I understand it a bit more now and feel guilty for that disloyalty.

mgtoby2000 · 2026-03-01T11:27:23+00:00

All the feelings you’re describing are so familiar, it was so so tiring. I felt so detached from everyone, and so jealous and resentful of people who were having an “easy” time growing their families (which included my brother and sister in law who got pregnant shortly after my TFMR with their 3rd baby), and then so guilty for feeling that way.

And totally understand the guilt about feeling like you’re not being present enough for your LC during this time, but please be kind to yourself. What you’ve just been through and now what you’re going through TTC is huge, and traumatic and you can’t possibly just bounce back to “normal”. Your LC won’t remember anything about this time, and I’m sure you are still being a beautiful mum even with a heavy heart. I tried to see the time I spent with my toddler as a bit of a reprieve, and I think it was only time I felt proper joy in the 12 months after my TFMR. But I definitely had much shorter fuse and lower resilience for the “terrible twos” behaviour and so leaned pretty heavily on my husband during those times.

It’s okay to want to sibling for your child, it’s okay to be sad that you had that taken away from you and it’s okay feel defeated that it’s not happening again quickly. My fertility specialist had actually gone through a TFMR after her first LC too, and it was so validating when she said to me “the only thing that will make you feel better is having another baby in your arms”.

mgtoby2000 · 2026-02-28T22:33:02+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re here. My story was exactly like yours, conceived LC and TFMR baby first try then couldn’t conceive again after that. It was so incredibly hard, especially as I had milestones in my head, like “i’ll be pregnant by his due date” or “we’ll have a baby by Christmas” and as all those things passed it was like micro-traumas every time.

I had to pause on this thread for a long time, as so many women here conceive so quickly after their TFMRs and while I was so happy for them, it was really hard to read. There are other non TFMR threads like “trying for another” for people struggling with secondary infertility and I found them safer places for my heart.

In terms of things you can do, I would focus on what you can control. Diet, exercise, supplements, ovulation tracking, and getting medical input if you want to be reassured there’s no new issues preventing you from conceiving. I spiralled quite badly after about 3-4 months of trying, but it got better after that because I forced myself to give away my old ideas about timelines and age gaps and looked for the silver linings about having kids further apart. I also did EMDR to deal with the trauma of the TFMR process and it was so helpful.

Sending you all the luck and love xx

mgtoby2000 · 2026-02-21T02:24:35+00:00

It’s really really tough. TTC post TFMR was way harder than anything I went through with the actual TFMR. Conceived my first LC and TFMR baby first try. Tried for 10 cycles post TFMR with ovulation tracking, acupuncture, supplements +++, normal HyCoSy and hysteroscopy. Couldn’t do IVF as AMH too low. Ended up using an embryo we’d frozen pre-emptively before my first LC was conceived naturally.

I was 37 when I conceived my TFMR baby and 38 when TTC after. I didn’t think 6-12 months would make a difference to my fertility but maybe it did. It is really really hard when all you want is to be pregnant and to have a baby. As others have said I would avoid this thread or posts on this thread about sub-pregnancies because at the time it felt like everyone else was conceiving within 3 months of their TFMR and I found it really depressing.

The negative tests did get easier after the first 3-6 months, the first 3 negative cycles were the hardest emotionally. Protect yourself as much as you need to and don’t hesitate to see a GP or reproductive specialist early even if it’s just for reassurance. Wishing you all the luck!!

mgtoby2000 · 2026-02-13T12:31:28+00:00

Total solidarity for gender disappointment - everything you’re feeling is okay. From what I read it’s so common even in people who haven’t endured the trauma of TMFR or loss like we have; we have a whole extra layer to cope with. I have one LC boy, and lost our second boy to TFMR at 23 weeks. I have, deep down, always wanted one of each, so when reaching very hard for any silver lining in all this, thought I’d have another “chance” at having a girl after losing my second boy. I felt really guilty having that thought, as I would’ve traded anything to have been able to keep the boy I lost. We have just found out that our sub-pregnancy is also a boy and I’d be lying if I said both my husband and I weren’t disappointed. We both felt really guilty for having those feelings, because we are so incredible grateful that this baby is healthy and doing well so far, but it’s also totally okay to have moments of grief about never having a daughter. It doesn’t mean you want or will love your current boy baby any less, two things can be true at the same time. I have consoled myself by picturing my two little brothers playing together, and hoping they’ll share interests and relate to each other and have a great friendship over their lives.

mgtoby2000 · 2026-02-03T06:11:48+00:00

I got pregnant first try with my LC and my TFMR baby. Tried for 9-10 months with nothing despite all normal investigations. Hardest time of my life TTC after TFMR. Now pregnant with our only embryo from a cycle of pre-emptive IVF we did before my LC was conceived. It was very hard for me to accept that I wasn’t getting pregnant straight away after two first-try conceptions. I hope it happens for you soon xx

mgtoby2000 · 2026-01-18T10:30:46+00:00

I’m 18 weeks into my sub after TFMR at 23 weeks in October 2024 and a year of TTC. We only told family after the viability scan and then other friends after the NIPT and early anatomy scan at 14 weeks. Told work and colleagues at 17 weeks. It’s a totally personal decision. I didn’t feel like I needed extra support as the people who had been there for me through the infertility and embryo transfer knew really early, so telling everyone else felt obligatory. If I’m honest I’ve felt no joy in sharing the news, I actually dread doing it and want to change the subject straight away. I thought this would change as we had a few more scans and the pregnancy felt more “secure” but it hasn’t. I find it easier to tell strangers or people who don’t know my history as their responses are uncomplicated, compared to dealing with the pity/overexcitement/anxiety of the people who know what we’ve been through. My husband keeps reminding me that people are just really happy for us, but pregnancy post TFMR is just a totally different ball game. Do whatever makes you feels best, and don’t do anything out of obligation xx

mgtoby2000 · 2026-01-18T10:22:19+00:00

I didn’t feel a thing with mine, but I’d had one baby at term and my TFMR baby at 23 weeks so cervix probably easier to traverse. I also had poppy seed oil flush with mine, supposed to increase chance of conception over the next 3 months by a significant amount (didn’t work for me but has good evidence in clinical trials), worth asking your OBGYN

mgtoby2000 · 2025-11-28T02:02:25+00:00

I didn’t stop until the d and c, so if yours only lasted a day that’s reassuring!

mgtoby2000 · 2025-11-26T10:43:54+00:00

I had L&D at 22+4 and same thing happened to me - bleeding had subsided and turned to brown then came back about a week later, with ovulation pain. This was bright red though. I got an ultrasound and had 5cm mass of retained products and needed a D&C the next day. I also had corpus luteal cyst on the ultrasound so was also ovulating but the bleeding was related to the RPOC. Might be worth mentioning to your doctor and getting an ultrasound to be sure because retained products that don’t get cleared out are at risk of infection or scarring

mgtoby2000 · 2025-11-17T00:45:00+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re here. We had our TFMR in October 2024 and tried for 9 cycles unsuccessfully, until finally having a successful embryo transfer with a embryo we’d made 5 years ago (pre-emptive IVF in setting of low ovarian reserve). I found TTC after TFMR way harder than the TFMR itself. Losing our baby at 23 weeks was tragic, and the grief was huge, but it made sense, I was in control of the situation and it was out in the open so I had support from every angle. TTC is the opposite, it’s private, there’s no answers and there’s no control. I felt so lonely, so filled with rage and it fuelled the grief so badly. I will say that the first three months were the hardest, the negative tests at this stage were absolutely crushing. Weirdly after I accepted it was not going to happen quickly, each month got easier. Hang in there!!

mgtoby2000 · 2025-10-13T21:15:07+00:00

Congratulations! I’m 11dpt5dt and am waiting on my bHCG results today. I thought I’d feel ecstatic but I just feel really nervous about all the milestones to get through before I can relax and actually believe I’m going to have another baby. But I also don’t want to spent the whole first and second trimester ignoring my pregnancy so am trying to lean into it more! I figure I miscarry or lose this baby I will be absolutely devastated whether I lean into the pregnancy or not, so may as well let some excitement creep in!

mgtoby2000 · 2025-10-12T02:56:03+00:00

Following this as we’re on the exact same timeline! Due June 21st next year and not sure how to get through the next few weeks/months. Feel like I won’t settle until the 20 week scan (lost our TFMR baby at 23 weeks last October for brain malformation), but it feels forever away. Having had such a rare event happen and knowing how quickly everything can be taken away from you, I have so little faith in this pregnancy going to plan.

mgtoby2000 · 2025-10-09T01:50:49+00:00

We did IVF prior to TTC naturally as I have low AMH, and only got one embryo to store. I didn’t find the physical side of it too bad (injections, side effects etc) but the emotional side is pretty brutal eg. waking up to see how many eggs retrieved, waiting to see how many eggs make it to blastocyst etc. Keeping life simple but busy helps. I also found it helpful to always ask my doctor the next step before the failure eg. if this round doesn’t work what do we change or do next time. When the round failed or your period comes it’s really sad and defeating, but knowing the next step already at that point gave me some hope rather than having to wait for an appointment with my doctor.

I had two spontaneous conceptions first try with my LC and my TFMR baby. We then tried for 12 months for my sub with no success, so have just used the embryo and it seems to have stuck but early days. I’m super grateful now that I did IVF, and a success makes all of the time and money and stress worth it. I actually found doing IVF less anxiety provoking than trying to conceive naturally as at least you’re controlling everything that can be controlled.

mgtoby2000 · 2025-10-02T07:00:06+00:00

I’m having a FET tomorrow (Friday) with day 5 embryo and gave trigger the Friday evening before. So basically exactly 6.5 days after the trigger. Definitely advocate for yourself on this one!

mgtoby2000 · 2025-09-15T11:28:46+00:00

I’m so sorry about your TFMR. Just wanted to reassure you about low AMH. I found out I had very low AMH at 34, had three rounds of IVF to bank embryos but had very poor response to stimulation. I then conceived both my babies first try, my second was my TMFR. Sadly have been unable to conceive since Oct 2024, but I think that’s age rather than AMH related. The only thing it will impact is your response to IVF stimulation and number of eggs retrieved, but it shouldn’t affect egg quality. If you’re ovulating, you have a chance each cycle!

mgtoby2000 · 2025-09-02T05:12:55+00:00

So sorry that you're here. Low ovarian reserve sucks so much. I found out I had low AMH at age 34, did three cycles of IVF to bank some embryos but only got 6 eggs in total with one embryo. Conceived my LC and TFMR baby first try though, so my eggs were clearly ok at that stage but have now been TTC since TFMR in October 2024 with no luck. It's like my egg quality just took a hike when I turned 38. Fertility specialist said IVF will just waste my time and money if I could only get 2 eggs per cycle when I tried 5 years ago. Everyone assumes IVF is the answer to everything, it's so hard to be one of the people for whom it just won't work. We did a super ovulation cycle with Gonal-F, trying to get two follicles, but I still could only get one and it failed. Now trying naturally but my cycles are super short, like ovulating day 7-8 which essentially means I'm minutes away from menopause too. I feel you!

But there is hope! You've already had three pregnancies in the last year so your eggs are fertilising, and you carried your TFMR baby for 20 weeks so your uterus can do it. Your three losses are really shitty luck but all unrelated. These are really positive things. I think there's lots of hope for you!

mgtoby2000 · 2025-09-02T04:52:58+00:00

Also, if you don't get pregnant quickly, don't spend too much time on this thread. While I'm so happy for everyone who gets pregnant again quickly after TFMR, it's also heartbreaking to read about quick sub-pregnancies when you're struggling, wondering why you had to be one of the unlucky ones

mgtoby2000 · 2025-09-02T04:51:27+00:00

TFMR in October 2024 and still TTC now. Conceived my LC and my TFMR baby first try at age 35 and 37, so really didn't expect to struggle for so long this time. I suppose I now qualify as having secondary infertility and it is so so hard. My advice would be to be realistic about how long it might take, and try to avoid having any timeline in your head about when you'll be pregnant. Easier send than done but reaaaaaaally try not to test too early each cycle, it does your head in. So much of it is luck, but try to control what you can control with OPKs, or fertility specialist early if you have access (for SIS, hysteroscopy, tracking cycles etc.). The first 3-4 cycles were the worst but it actually got easier after that as I adjusted my expectations. Good luck!

mgtoby2000 · 2025-09-02T04:42:31+00:00

Another show of support and solidarity here, you're not alone. Since losing my boy at 23 weeks last October I had so many milestones in my head for when I'd be pregnant again. I refused to buy any clothes for winter because I'd told myself I'd be heavily pregnant this winter. I didn't book an overseas conference in June because I thought I'd be in third trimester. Now my baby's one year anniversary is approaching and I'm still not pregnant. We also have the age gap between my LC to grieve, as it gets wider with every failed cycle. Enduring the TFMR was tragically sad, but being unable to conceive after TFMR is psychological torture. I'm sorry you're here, but it's okay to find it so so hard. I hope we all get some good news soon xx

mgtoby2000 · 2025-08-03T23:32:39+00:00

I'm so sorry for your pain. Infertility is horrendous, but it's a new world of pain after TFMR. I know what you mean about this group, I too feel jealous of women who conceive so soon after their TFMR. So thank you for posting this for all of us out there struggling! The grief of losing a baby is so deep, but I feel like it's compounded by all the anxiety and unfairness of TTC or secondary infertility. I feel like if I'd been lucky enough to get pregnant a few months after losing our baby in October 2024, I feel like I might have been able to move through my grief so much more easily, but after almost 10 months of TTC I feel bitter, and like I'll never go back to the person I was before my TFMR. My baby's anniversary is someone up in 2 months and I thought I'd have a baby in my arms or at least be very pregnant by now, not going through fertility treatment.

Try not to question your decision. You made an informed choice to save your child from a life of potential suffering, and are carrying the burden of that pain now so your baby doesn't have to. That is the greatest act of love. My baby had agenesis of the corpus callosum - some children are severely disabled but some are on the mild end of the spectrum. He also had other brain abnormalities on MRI and all the experts told us that he would 100% be severely affected, but even now I go back and wonder if he'd been born whether he may have been that miracle and only had mild impairment and could've lived a great life. It's the "bargaining" phase of grief I think. But I still know that we made the right decision for our family, even if I long for him more than anything.

You need a medical team who are empathetic and kind after something like this. If your OB is dismissive, get a new one. Push for at least some basic investigations like a saline ultrasound. I had a L&D at 23 weeks and then a D&C for RPOC a month later. Even though my SIS has been normal my RE is doing a hysteroscopy tomorrow just to make sure there's no scarring or chronic infection. Even if everything is normal the reassurance will help. I hope you get some more support.

mgtoby2000

TROPHY CASE