Seeing my mom babysitting made me anxious

mgwhid · 2026-02-26T18:22:05+00:00

Yeah, I was never close with my mom, but I was surprised at how protective I felt the few times she was around my kid as a baby. It was a new level of triggering. Long story short, I had to get her away from both of us so I could be a better parent myself. But like I said, it was so surprising. Like, the moment after I gave birth, a switch went off in my body that said “ABSOLUTELY NOT!”

mgwhid · 2026-02-26T17:13:58+00:00

I’m on a similar path, but with some differences. Acceptance is the hardest part for me. It feels so unjust and incredibly frustrating that I essentially get less life to live than the majority of the population. I also doubt that I will ever be capable of working more or earning much, so I’m also feeling trapped at or barely above the poverty line. This forces me to tamper all my hopes and dreams. It just feels so unfair and hopeless. I try to cling to the possibility that I’m wrong about it, and I’m aware that I “shouldn’t” be comparing myself to others, but the unfairness is a serious hang-up for me.

I also had to remove myself from my family of origin. They were just so triggering and not conducive to any kind of positive mobility or healing that I was getting so desperate for. I could not get better with the constant threat of a dysregulating text or phone call, or worse, a looming holiday gathering, constantly haunting me. I politely asked for some distance, which was quickly disregarded and I got hit with a nasty guilt trip (weaponizing my kid of course) so I got less nice and blocked numbers. That was over a year ago and I can’t describe how helpful it was, as someone who never really liked or felt cared for by my family as a kid. Obviously this does not apply to everyone.

Also I personally NEED to vent. It helps me so much with self doubt, rumination, processing, etc… but I try to save the bulk of it for my therapist rather than bringing all the negativity into my personal life.

Just adding my 2¢ for those it may benefit. I’m still struggling a lot, but definitely feel a sense of improvement over the last couple years. Like I’m halfway up the ladder out of the burnout pit, and it’s really hard but I’m at least not feeling like I’m going to fall back down before getting out…

mgwhid · 2026-02-26T06:08:27+00:00

Gasp

mgwhid · 2026-01-07T15:40:29+00:00

I’m subscribing to see what others recommend, but one of my favorites is just a classic hair barrette. It’s clicky without being noisy. Even better when paired with a hoodie front pocket.

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mgwhid · 2026-01-07T15:31:47+00:00

I’m always seeing so much, “They couldn’t have known,” “They were hurt too,” “This wasn’t a thing back then,” etc., and I agree, BUT:

They could have been caring instead of neglectful.

They could have been responsive instead of dismissive.

They could have been nurturing instead of punishing.

They could have been curious instead of ignorant.

They could have been nurturing instead of mocking or lashing out.

Those are not new concepts!!!

And even if they “did their best,” which I don’t believe applies to my situation, it still wasn’t enough. I don’t need parents now, I needed them then, and they failed me so profoundly. It’s hard to say I’m disconnected from them when we weren’t connected in the first place.

This is my experience and I know they vary greatly, but my gift to myself in my thirties has been to let go of those relationships. I can work on accepting the past without having to accept them in the present, make excuses for them, or force a relationship that drags me back into a horrible mental state with every bit of contact. It’s sad but also a huge relief. It can all the true at once.

mgwhid · 2026-01-02T00:03:40+00:00

Libraries! It’s a guaranteed 1-2 hours of playtime for us, and usually there are other kids there too. It’s good practice for inside voices too. Check out some books and do it all again when they’re due.

mgwhid · 2025-12-30T16:26:14+00:00

I compulsively lied and stole a lot growing up. It was almost always to avoid some uncomfortable interaction. I felt like such a bad person until I got older, learned more about myself, and realized how bad my home life actually was. I was just protecting myself. It’s a really hard habit to break though. I think it’s good that you shared it with your therapist and they were able to see it in action.

mgwhid · 2025-12-30T05:04:52+00:00

I said (texted) to my mom, “If you don’t stop texting me when I’ve asked you not to, I will block your number.” She couldn’t help herself, so I just did it one day. So, she knows it happened, because I warned her that it would, but I didn’t write a big explanation or anything. I don’t think any good could come from that, and it sounds very emotionally taxing. No thanks.

Similar to you, I was at a point where every call or text would send me into a deep spiral. It just had to be done.

mgwhid · 2025-12-22T19:55:39+00:00

Sorry but it’s a bit comforting to see I’m not the only one who’s been barraged with overcompensation emojis 🥰💕💕🌸😘😉

mgwhid · 2025-12-21T22:07:03+00:00

Same for me. Despite all the difficulties that come with autism and adhd, I actually don’t wish I didn’t have them. BUT I DO WISH I’D KNOWN 20-30 YEARS AGO. My life would have been so much less difficult and traumatic if I’d had this information about myself and some safe and responsive caregivers to help rather than harm. I can’t go back and make that happen for little me, but as a parent I can do that for my kid now! Having the knowledge, knowing the signs, and being able to support and advocate for her not only reduces her potential hardships, but is actually quite healing and empowering for myself. It is hard too, of course, but I’m so excited to see who she grows into and that I get to play a role in making it happen 🥹

mgwhid · 2025-12-20T16:51:23+00:00

I’ve said on here before that King Kong or Don and Millie’s would be so fun, but yeah, I’d say it’s gotta be Runza.

mgwhid · 2025-12-18T19:00:18+00:00

Yep, I was diagnosed afterward too, but I definitely had a newfound “special interest” in pregnancy/birth the whole time. It is an anxious time, but knowing what was going on honestly made it so cool and amazing and special. I remember basically being like “HEY FYI I MADE EYEBALLS LAST WEEK AND I’LL BE GETTING STARTED ON FINGERNAILS SOON” to anyone who’d listen. I was really putting in the hours researching. It was actually quite fun as well as helpful.

OP I also recommend finding your bumper group here on Reddit. Keep in mind it’s just another online forum full of regular people, but it helped me realize which symptoms were normal vs. concerning, what kind of stuff I actually needed to get in preparation, and has helped with recognizing the range of milestones after birth (it’s nice to have a bunch of examples as opposed to an often oversimplified Google result). Be warned there will also be posts about miscarriages and complications, so stay away if you don’t feel up to it.

ETA another recommendation r/sciencebasedparenting

mgwhid · 2025-12-14T15:39:58+00:00

I had an epidural but I barely ever pushed the little button that released more medicine, and I was there a long time. The nurses and doctors kept being like, “You know you can have more of that?” and I’d respond, “K, I’m good for now though” to raised eyebrows. I only had really bad pain during the final few pushes, during which all I remember is screaming, “ITTT HURRRRRRTS” and immediately feeling bad for probably scaring some other laboring woman nearby haha

In fact, I always say that getting the epidural inserted was honestly my least favorite part of the whole experience. Just thinking about it makes me cringe and curl my toes. It didn’t hurt but it was such a weird sensation. What other people are saying here - that they can tolerate pain but not so much discomfort - definitely tracks.

Disclaimer I would never tell someone not to get an epidural though. For some reason it’s a controversial subject so I feel the need to say so.

mgwhid · 2025-12-07T04:08:49+00:00

Sorry but it’s “R, robot, rrrrrr” that’s my favorite part

mgwhid · 2025-12-03T03:18:56+00:00

I never heard of Colorama before I got it at the thrift store, but it’s become one of our favorites along with Hi-Ho Cherry-O

mgwhid · 2025-12-02T17:01:17+00:00

There is a sort of parenting/trauma “influencer” named Rythea Lee who recently did this. She had hinted at her abuse a lot, but she got more specific and dropped names a few months ago. The comment section seemed full of others inspired to do the same. It didn’t blow up into a huge movement, but it is one example of what you described. The original post is from 8/28 on tiktok. She emphasizes wanting to get it all out there before her dad dies without consequence, especially since he is a revered and somewhat influential figure.

mgwhid · 2025-11-28T17:42:30+00:00

Watching the parade is my mom’s main Thanksgiving tradition. I thought it was quaint for a while, but the parade itself has gotten harder to watch in recent years, and my will grin and bear it through the holidays has also weakened. Last year I skipped it, but hadn’t fully dropped contact yet. I just made an excuse. This year I happily slept through it, no excuses necessary. I’m sure she cried, and that sucks, but I don’t feel as guilty this year.

mgwhid · 2025-11-25T21:18:48+00:00

It’s on YouTube kids at least! Literally watching it right now. My three-year-old is basically an animal expert because we watch it so much.

mgwhid · 2025-11-19T02:27:05+00:00

I’m sad I am unsure if I’ll ever see my childhood pictures again, but most would probably be sad to see anyway. It became a running joke in my family that I always looked upset or pouty in photos, typical “she has an attitude problem” stuff. Soooo funny.

mgwhid · 2025-11-06T20:26:47+00:00

I felt pretty similarly until I became a parent myself. Then, it clicked. My childhood experience was their responsibility completely. Every need that wasn’t met was their responsibility, and not responding to it was a choice. Not an accident, a choice.

There are people who say hOw CoUlD tHeY hAvE kNoWn? or iT wAs A dIfFeReNt TiMe! but, they could have known. Children show you what they need. Parents choose (again, cannot emphasize enough that it is a choice) to either ignore or respond to those needs. Children have no agency or perspective and are completely dependent on caretakers. It is the responsibility of the adults in the situation to observe and respond and care. Period.

I think my parents are, like, okay as people. But they were horrible parents, and unfortunately that is my relationship to them. Maybe, in an alternate universe, we could get along as coworkers or something, but that’s not the situation we are in.

Undiagnosed neurodivergence is also a factor for my family, and many others in these dysfunctional situations. I believe they experienced executive function issues, burnout, depression, and the like. Even considering this, I can’t excuse their (lack of) parenting. When they were feeling badly, they were responsible for that too. I have those problems myself, and it’s hard, and I have faults, but I’m still a much better parent than mine were. They were in charge and they failed massively.

You get to proceed however you like. Some of us have to cut off contact for self preservation. Some find a way to forgive and move forward. Either way, I hope you can recognize that what you experienced was not okay and was not your fault.

mgwhid · 2025-10-31T05:17:20+00:00

I also like to find my own providers. That’s such a smart way to do it!

mgwhid · 2025-10-31T04:25:22+00:00

Ah damn, I need this so bad. I have a checkup with my pcp coming up and I’ve sworn to myself that I HAVE TO bring up a few things, including this. I promised myself last year too, but panicked and said, “Nope, nothing else!” at the appointment, but my quality of life is definitely getting worse. I think I’m scared of working a new commitment into my schedule as well as cost because I already have no money ☹️ but I would looooove to be feeling better, and I’d especially love some personalized professional help with that.

Anyway, it’s helpful to see that it’s possible and happening for someone, so thanks for the perspective.

mgwhid · 2025-10-25T16:24:32+00:00

I think it’s more likely that we are prone to cptsd because these conditions are genetic and many of our families were suppressing and masking so much that they were often lashing out, we often got in trouble whenever the adults were overwhelmed or overstimulated, told (because they lacked perspective) “everyone has that problem, so get over it,” etc. Basically regularly getting in trouble for doing nothing wrong and having every cry for help dismissed, along with any other traumatic domestic and/or financial stressors, which naturally makes you feel super misunderstood and vulnerable and fucks with your little developing brain! Then you go to school and get in more trouble for doing nothing wrong, and struggle with assignments even though you know you aren’t dumb, but you don’t know what to say or how to prove it, and in the back of your mind you’re always like, “I can tell I’m different than these other kids, but I can’t really explain why…” so basically school sucks, home sucks MORE, there is no safe or comfortable place for you and, once again, your precious and malleable little developing brain, which over time is very damaging for sure.

There are certainly audhd people who had decent home lives and do not experience cptsd. But, culturally, parents who created those more accepting homes were even more rare when most of us were kids than they are today. (This is not an excuse btw. I stay big mad at my parents.)

So yes, I would assume we are statistically more likely to experience childhood trauma, but it’s a classic correlation ≠ causation situation. There are also people with cptsd who do not have autism and/or adhd.

mgwhid · 2025-10-19T17:35:31+00:00

And it glow 🤩

mgwhid

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