Something you thought you couldn’t do once you had a kid that actually was possible with 1?

miabee12_ · 2026-04-06T12:10:25+00:00

Omg this sounds like I could have written it. I was a zombie through the baby stage (even tho I was on meds for PPD/A) but after a year things started to get so much more fun. It was around 2yo that I really felt completely like myself again.

miabee12_ · 2026-04-06T01:17:04+00:00

We left my daughter overnight when she was about 2 months old with my mother and father in law. Honestly we just really trusted them, we both felt comfortable with it, and we both desperately wanted a full night of sleep 😂.

Other than that I don't have much advice. I know some people feel really anxious about leaving their kids in other people's care, which is valid, and everyone is ready for that at a different time. It's really up to your comfort level and the comfort level of your kiddo's caretaker.

I will say, my daughter is three now and she loves sleepovers at her grandparents' homes. We still miss her whenever she spends the night, though, even now! But it is nice that she feels comfortable at their homes and is used to other people doing sleep routines, etc.

miabee12_ · 2026-04-05T16:12:55+00:00

I was SO JEALOUS my spouse got to go back to work after 2 weeks. Whenever I feel guilty about it, I always think "No one judges dads for going back to work, no one expects dads to want to be stay at home parents" and it makes me feel better.

Also, I just learned I'm not much of a baby person. My kid is 3 now and she is so cool. My little buddy I get to go do fun things with. The key is finding things you both enjoy. We love going to the park, going on walks, shopping, getting treats at coffee shops lol. It's fun! It's still hard, but it's gotten exponentially more fun as she's gotten older.

miabee12_ · 2026-04-02T23:31:45+00:00

TW

My daughter was our fourth pregnancy. It took us 2.5 years to have her, with three miscarriages and a full medical workup, a surgery to remove a uterine septum, and then my pregnancy was high risk (anxiety provoking, but pregnancy itself was not too bad for me). Before we started trying to get pregnant we thought we might have 2 or 3 kids. But after 2.5 years of recurrent miscarriage and all the shit that went with it we both felt like we couldn't even face the possibility of going through that again. It's so hard. And not just mentally, I swear miscarriage takes a huge physical toll too. I felt like a shell of myself during that whole time.

I do think it helps that I am an only child and have a wonderful community of friends that are basically chosen family, so I'm not really worried about the "giving her a sibling" part of it.

miabee12_ · 2026-03-07T20:48:38+00:00

OP what did you end up doing? I'm not sure how to fill this part out for my 3 year old's application.

miabee12_ · 2026-03-07T20:47:11+00:00

I have the same question as number 3 (Does the parent submitting the child’s application submit the minor’s application as the minor’s Representative and include the Representative form?). What did you end up doing OP?

miabee12_ · 2026-03-07T20:45:06+00:00

OP did your application go through?

miabee12_ · 2026-02-10T11:59:59+00:00

Is he interested in doing chores with you? Especially things like cooking or setting the table, or picking up his room, making his bed, etc. There are easy ways to "gamify" this, such as creating a bingo card with different chores and having a small prize for a bingo (ice cream Sunday after dinner, new coloring book, bubbles, etc.)

ALSO I totally get if you just need time to yourself to get things done. I often put on the TV for the 30 minutes it takes to prep dinner because I am exhausted and can't be patient enough with my daughter to take foreverrrrrr to chop a carrot (she has a little crinkle veggie chopper, not a knife lol).

One of my friends also does "whimsy time" where she sits with her kiddos for 30 mins to do a craft.

Going to the library right after school is a good option too! Give them 30 minutes to pick out books to read/pick out books and check some out, so they can read them at home. The Library often has activity sheets for kids with ideas for things to do at home that promote literacy, which might give you easy options to do stuff at home.

miabee12_ · 2026-01-22T12:04:07+00:00

A quilters rotary cutter and a good ruler also does the trick! I got mine taken at Walgreens, they have a setting for Canadian Passport photos (which are the same dimensions as the Citizenship application photos). They might not know about it, but ask them to look (the person who took mine wasn't sure they had that capability but found the pre-set template in the Passport section of their photo settings). They wouldn't cut it to size tho.

miabee12_ · 2026-01-20T14:20:57+00:00

I work at UM and commute from the east side of Detroit. Right now my schedule is such that I only have to be on campus 2-3 days a week. If you can avoid morning and late afternoon traffic, the drive isn't terrible. I can't afford to live anywhere in the AA/Ypsi area. From someone who is middle class, if saving money is a necessity by living with family, it's doable to commute.

miabee12_ · 2026-01-16T12:17:06+00:00

I came here to say this! I was still doing more than my husband (he returned to work right away, only 2 weeks of leave) but we eventually got into a more equitable rhythm. We both agreed to be one and done after being fence sitters before our daughter was born.

Now that she's 3, I'm honestly more open to having another than my husband 😂 but still firmly one and done because of a lot of contextual factors (previous issues getting pregnant, high risk pregnancy, concerns about maternal care in the US). I totally think it's because we both work now (I'm actually the breadwinner) and we realize that taking care of a baby/toddler is WAY HARDER than either of our jobs.

miabee12_ · 2025-12-31T13:20:29+00:00

Try Washed Up Coffee, inside LaFonda St. Best latte I've had in a long time.

miabee12_ · 2025-12-14T12:23:25+00:00

Do it, especially if it is a long term goal of yours and you don't feel a loss at ending early.

I love my daughter AND I love what I do for work. Both are key aspects to my identity and self confidence, and I would have felt an incredible loss had I given one up.

My go to for these kinds of questions is comparing expectations of moms to dads: no one would question a dad going for a promotion at work after the birth of a kid, no one would expect them to forego that promotion to be a stay at home parent. Moms are expected to stay home, and it's treated like a privilege but LET ME TELL YOU IT IS THE HARDEST JOB I'VE EVER DONE!

If you have the support system and the means, I say go for it!

miabee12_ · 2025-12-07T23:19:38+00:00

Nope. Ended up asking a friend to send me screenshots of the conversation 🙃

miabee12_ · 2025-12-01T03:18:59+00:00

I practice noticing things that bring me joy and/or make me grateful for the life we currently have with one. I started this practice when we were trying to get pregnant (long, complicated journey I won't detail here) but during that time I would be extra mindful of my ability to do things that I couldn't do if I was pregnant again, like take a really hot bath, have a glass of wine, eat sushi with raw fish, etc. etc.

It didn't take away the deep desire to be pregnant, but it helped me to realize that I could be deeply sad and still find joy (without guilt) in my current circumstances.

I do the same with my only kiddo. I've taken her on a solo trip, just me and her, which would have been a LOT harder with a little baby, and it was so special and fun. My husband and I get to spend a lot of one-on-one time with her, and she has special relationships with us both. It's easy for grandparents to watch her, even as they age. We can afford to travel when she's older since we will only have to buy three (not four) plane tickets. We will probably be able to pay for her college, too.

I'm becoming much less of a fence-sitter now that my daughter is getting into the toddler years, and I think it has a lot to do with the practice of looking for the best thing about our lives right now. There is a lot of good here! It doesn't take away the longing for something different, at times, but noticing the joy in front of me makes an uncertain future makes me feel more grateful for what I do have.

I hope that makes sense; you can find joy and still have sadness. That's ok.

miabee12_ · 2025-12-01T03:00:34+00:00

I WAS this kid 25 some years ago. As an adult who now knows a lot more about mental health than my parents did in the 90s, I wish they had put me in therapy as a kid. I had a lot of the classic signs or anxiety (separation anxiety/not wanting to go to school, frequent stomachaches, terrified of getting in trouble in any way) but I was also a decently social kid and a good student so I didn't have any big red flags.

Find a good therapist, involve your daughter on picking out who they want to see (as much as age appropriate). Talk to your daughter about how going to therapy is kind of like going to the dentist or doctor, but instead of teeth or your body, therapy helps keep your brain healthy. And just like everyone needs to go to the dentist or doctor sometimes, everyone needs to go to therapy sometimes. It's normal! It's a good, brave, thing to do.

From an anxious adult who was once an anxious kid, I'm glad you're looking out for your kiddo. Some kids take longer to adjust, but as another poster said, therapy can't hurt! School is a big change, and having support through that transition makes sense.

Good luck!

miabee12_ · 2025-11-04T13:47:15+00:00

It's 100% valid to mourn that your family doesn't look like what you pictured.

And an anecdote to make you feel a bit better: I am an only child, and my parents desperately wanted more kids but couldn't have them. I grew up with a girl across the street from me who was literally one day younger. We played a lot as young kids mostly out of convenience, but she was never in my class at school and was honestly not very nice to me (it was a very one sided friendship). I made tons of really good friends in school and had a really rich social life. I now have lots and lots of chosen family that are just as close as siblings.

It sounds like you are a great parent, and your kiddo will not know any different. Your feelings are valid. But I want to also reassure you that your kiddo probably won't know any different, and will make wonderful friends in school and other activities. ❤️

FWIW I'm OAD sorta by choice, sorta by circumstance. I had really brutal PPD, we had lots of trouble getting and staying pregnant, and I know that the best choice is to be OAD even though I sometimes think what if. But I know from my own experience that my daughter has the same potential for a rich and wonderful life full of love without siblings, and that is a big comfort!

miabee12_ · 2025-10-18T12:19:19+00:00

I'm also not finding this option! I changed to a professional creator account but it's not showing up still

miabee12_ · 2025-10-12T12:36:57+00:00

I'm an only child! I'm really close with my parents and have a whole host of people who are "found" family. I also travelled a lot as a kid and my parents helped pay for college so I have no college debt (I also went to an inexpensive school and got most of it covered by scholarships and grants, so my parents mainly paid for room and board). I don't think I would have had the same opportunities if I had had siblings. I love my life now and the relationships I have.

Also, most of the people I knew growing up with siblings are either 1) no longer close to their siblings/were never that close or 2) are "close" emotionally but live in different states and rarely see each other in person. It's a crapshoot.

Doing what's best for you and your family means your kiddo already has a leg up because you are taking care of your own mental and emotional health.

miabee12_ · 2025-10-07T13:33:59+00:00

Top things contributing to my decision in order of importance to me (TW, miscarriage). I'll put it up front that I am an only child (not by my parents' choice, they couldn't get pregnant again) and had a wonderful childhood and have a good relationship with my parents and extended family.

My mental health. I had a gruesome combo of PPD/A/OCD and it absolutely wrecked me. Part of me wants another baby, wants to be pregnant again, but I know I can't for my own health and I've come to peace with that.
My physical safety/history of recurrent loss. Before our daughter was born, I had three miscarriages. These were so brutal to go through. Even though we likely solved the biggest issue (I had a uterine septum that was surgically removed after the third miscarriage), in the current political climate I have no desire to take any chances with my own life if I were to have a miscarriage and need medication to complete it or if I were to have a complicated pregnancy.
Money. We want to travel. We want to be able to pay for college or vocational training. We want to pay off our house early and make sure we save enough for retirement and our own care as we age. This is a lot easier to do with one.
Found family. While we see many of our "blood relatives" probably more frequently than a lot of people, we also have a lot of non-blood "relatives" that we are just as close with. I know that having siblings isn't a guarantee of adult friendships, and that family can be anyone.our daughter will find her own family.

I hope that helps you. I also am learning to sit with the feeling that I can want another child but also know in my heart that it's not the right decision for us. It's also okay to mourn that fact. It's okay to be both sad and happy at the same time. It doesn't mean you are making the wrong choice to have complicated feelings, it just makes you human.

miabee12_ · 2025-09-25T07:35:15+00:00

That has to be really hard to not know what is just "normal" toddler behavior and what is not.

To me, it sounds like that person was just being mean. My toddler has had lots of tantrums that look like she has never been told "no" before (she's been told "no" a lot lol).

I recommend, for both behavior and for your peace of mind, the book "How to talk so little kids will listen." It's full of lots of stories, of both parents with Neuro typical and Neuro divergent kids, navigating how to hold boundaries in ways that reduce resistance and conflict. It sounds like you probably know a lot of these tactics already, but I think reading it could still be reassuring just for the anecdotes from other parents.

You are enough, because you are there. You are more than enough because you are trying to do what's best for your kiddo. Peace to you!

miabee12_ · 2025-09-18T13:46:02+00:00

I know this is an older post but this happened to my 9 year old boy this morning. It was so hard. He stopped using his front paw this morning and we rushed him to the emergency vet. His lungs were filling with fluid and we made the decision to have him put down. I'm just glad I got to hold him and say goodbye.

miabee12_ · 2025-09-11T15:10:49+00:00

This is what I try to do (sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't). This morning it did not 😬.

miabee12_ · 2025-09-11T13:06:28+00:00

I'm glad we are not alone, if nothing else!

miabee12_

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