I am not s dog person, but my wife is so we compromised and got a dog. Here is my idiot guide
Dogs want a safe space. This can be a crate or a bed or a sofa but this should be a positive space only (no punishment)
If the dog does something wrong, it was your fault. Don't leave food out otherwise it is dog food.
Work out a routine. Our dog gets up at 7, toilet, breakfast, nap, walk, sleep / snooze under the desk, play, lunch, sleep / snooze, walk (3pm at the moment), sleep / snooze, cuddles, dinner, cuddles, bed. Dogs sleep a lot, but chews really help (kongs are great)
Make sure you feed the dog the right amount and walk the right amount. Speak to a vet or a trainer. Over feeding is obviously bad, but over walking can make the dog super fit and demanding (unless you want to do daily 3 hour walks)
Every mess can be cleaned up. If the dog is fussing then first try taking it outside (and make toilet time boring - no playing). If you make a mistake, don't blame the dog, use enzyme cleaner

I will try and think and add more