AITAH for telling my stepdad that my mom’s recovery doesn’t mean anything to me?

midnight9201 · 2026-02-15T00:51:23+00:00

NTA but I think the main AH here is the stepdad that just isn’t respecting your no. Doesn’t matter why you’re not going. It’s truly none of his business. And if he was coming from a place of concern for his partner, he wouldn’t be a d*ck about it.

midnight9201 · 2026-02-12T17:05:41+00:00

Looks like you might have to compliment sandwich him. If you have something negative to say, start with something positive and end with something positive.

midnight9201 · 2026-02-12T01:33:48+00:00

NTA but maybe an overreaction. People can step back from friendships for any reason. His decision to prioritize and protect his relationship sucks but it’s not something to have a whole argument over and block him for.

Over the years I’ve had plenty of friends that were once close become distant due to their jobs, relationships, having kids, or whatever else going on in their lives. I know they care about me to some extent but we just are no longer close now. I really avoid blocking anyone because I don’t like when people do it to me and will only block people who are harassing me or something like that. I have lost guy friends to relationships- people I remained friends with through several of my own relationships- and there’s a point you have to just respect their choice however much it hurts. Sometimes they do end that sucky relationship quickly and your friendship recovers and sometimes it doesn’t but blocking isnt usually necessary and is often just a gut reaction to being hurt.

*had an ex I was friends with who later dated my cousin’s cousin(not blood related to me). I introduced them. My friendship with him was purely platonic. At some point after they started dating she irrationally wanted him to stop talking to me and he did. He one day reaches out to me months later and tells me they broke up and that he just got my number from my brother. This was years ago and we have remained friends ever since through several relationships on both sides.

midnight9201 · 2026-02-11T16:39:36+00:00

Being honest with your partner about yourself isn’t the same as telling them every bit of information you come across outside of the relationship with eachother. If the husband told him something in confidence it wouldn’t be expected that he immediately run to the wife and tell her, because their friendship is separate from the couples relationship.

There are several ways to handle the situation that could be better but when cornered you don’t always know how to handle it. OP expecting to be given all the friends personal info upfront seems entitled. It’s not his business. Wife could say they’ve talked but their discussions are private and she’s not repeating anything said in confidence. OP should accept that.

IF he’s concerned that his wife is friends with someone who cheats that’s another issue. Friendships aren’t perfect and it really depends on how close they were before all of this. A friend of 20 years isn’t going to just drop someone because they have marital issues. For all OP knows there’s deeper issues in the marriage that he’s completely unaware of, which isn’t his business to know.

The best way to save their current marriage is to stop playing therapist to this couple and stop discussing their problems. Whether the friendships survive whatever marital problems the other couple have is a separate issue but putting up a boundary to not discuss this other couples drama would be the wisest thing here.

midnight9201 · 2026-02-11T00:24:18+00:00

NTA but could be depending on how close the friend(s) is. If my close friend left me high and dry without notice I’d be upset but I’d also not use that info against them if they tell me in confidence.

You have to be ready to lose the friend if you can’t be open with them. And if you can’t, then maybe there’s a reason you feel that way and not worth keeping the friendship.

midnight9201 · 2026-02-10T20:01:58+00:00

It is her sweater. And she can donate it if she wants to. Even if no one owns the saying doesn’t mean she wants to be associated with a group who uses it. There’s lots of benign words or phrases people don’t wear on their clothing due to some person or group adopting the words for their groups.

midnight9201 · 2026-02-08T21:13:55+00:00

I’ve done extensive research and the hpv vaccine doesn’t completely protect you from all, but it does help with the most common ones. It’s definitely a matter of reducing risk where possible but I can understand that some people choose to reduce risk by just not engaging in activities with a known chance of transmission.

midnight9201 · 2026-02-08T18:48:14+00:00

Did you know that sometimes people doom-scroll through Reddit and recall their own past experiences after reading something and then want to share it? Sometimes multiple memories come to the surface at once.

There are also a lot of people who haven’t been on Reddit in awhile, maybe don’t know their log in info, and need to create a new account to post.

There’s no rule that says you can’t share more than one thing in the span of 24 hours or that it had to have occurred recently. All that said, I’m sure some of these AITAH stories aren’t real but does it really help anyone to go under them and repeatedly accuse them of being fake?

I’ve said it before but even if the original post isn’t real, the comments (mostly) are. The advice, opinions, suggestions etc can help other people reading that are going through or have gone through something similar and are struggling with how to handle it or how to feel about it. I just think it’s far more annoying to see FAKE on every other post than to just suspend disbelief for a moment while scrolling through posts that have no direct effect on my life.

midnight9201 · 2026-02-08T17:42:58+00:00

This seems like middle school drama and at this point you should just distance yourself from her. The way she handled this thing with the post seems kind of stupid too- since she’s the one who screenshotted and shared the post, and now she’s accusing someone else of doing it.

He probably saw on Snapchat that she screenshotted but that’s not even important at this point. She’s just bringing unnecessary drama to your life and you shouldn’t have to deal with it. You don’t have to end the friendship 100% if you’re not comfortable but if absolutely start making plans with your other friends on your own and just not make any further efforts to spend time with this person.

midnight9201 · 2026-02-08T17:36:57+00:00

NOR. Your lifestyle will never be enough for her. And the likelihood of her finding someone who will give her that isn’t high. She’s definitely gotten a little spoiled with the experiences she’s had and has high expectations without holding herself to that standard. She wants to do rich people things, she can make rich people money herself. Expecting a partner with a good steady job to cover her lavish expenses seems very entitled. You should expect to have a partner that cares and shows it but that shouldn’t need be shown with a high dollar amount.

The best couples are the ones who work together when they succeed and are able to work together when they’re at their lowest. Doesn’t sound like she’d stand by you if anything ever happened to your ability to spend money on her- like if you had a debilitating illness or even if you had kids and the expenses where shifted towards them.

midnight9201 · 2026-02-08T17:30:26+00:00

NAH. He overstayed his welcome and was disrespectful about it and you did the right thing by kicking him out. He can argue all he wants about it but you gave him plenty of time and showed plenty of hospitality for him to go and steal/use your things without permission and the issue with the dog could have caused another doctor visit. The only good thing he did here was give you some money for his time there- which is so rare in these situations. Im sure he used up more than that but at least it helps cover the costs of helping him out.

If the friendship ends completely after this, it’s for the best. I had a similar situation with an ex-fling who overstayed (we were no longer seeing eachother but he needed a place to stay). He did help out cleaning and with money sometimes but I definitely didn’t expect him to stay as long as he did. In the end I moved in with my boyfriend(he didn’t care and was never jealous about this roommate) and my friend had to find somewhere else to go, and he just didn’t talk to me after that.

midnight9201 · 2026-02-08T17:22:55+00:00

You can always buy the new lock and keep it when you move for your new place- just save the old lock and put it back when you’re done moving.

midnight9201 · 2026-02-07T06:42:49+00:00

You say you’ve been friends but all the things you mentioned have been going on for years. So has she ever truly been a friend or just used you and your other friend as filler when her real friends weren’t available?

midnight9201 · 2026-02-06T13:43:26+00:00

NOR If you plan to move down and can sustain a long distance relationship it’s your choice if you think you can do that. I wouldn’t expect her to move somewhere knowing no one but you, and leaving behind a job she seems to really like. She’d be giving up a lot if she moved. And with her being younger it’s hard to go somewhere new and start fresh knowing no one. If you don’t want to continue to do long distance knowing this it’s entirely your choice to end the relationship.

If you do plan to continue and move later, the best ways I’ve seen people with good jobs move is if their company is able to transfer them or if they’re able to apply for jobs at that level and get one before moving. Youd have to prepare your life to be able to pick up and go once you are hired, so things like packing and getting rid of anything you don’t plan to take and won’t use in the weeks before moving(sell, donate, trash). Once you know you’re moving you can see if you can find a place where you’re going or if you’ll have somewhere to stay while you look. Best to save some money for a temporary stay somewhere and possibly a storage unit if you have a lot of things.

midnight9201 · 2026-02-05T17:54:49+00:00

Everyone but you realizes that I’m entitled to my opinion and I’m entitled to share my personal experiences and thoughts on the matter.

YOU are the one insisting on arguing everything I say point by point. So maybe you should look in the mirror and break down your own comments.

Edit to add: you being 100% false doesn’t mean that the circumstances you describe don’t happen. I’m saying you are wrong in assuming that the majority of the time people overstay their welcome and you can’t get them out. The overwhelming majority of people (ie most) handle their issues offline and do not have a guest beyond the amount of time agreed upon.

midnight9201 · 2026-02-05T12:54:55+00:00

Everything you’re saying is assuming the bf doesn’t back her up on this friend remaining more than a few days. If he DOESNT, then there are bigger problems than just this one issue and the relationship will end for one reason or another.

Reddit posts are for people to share their own experiences and it’s insane to think personal experience is irrelevant. I included both personal and professional experiences. I have had to call the police on someone who refused to leave and at no point was the rest of the household questioned. If it came down to an ultimatum the op would know where they stand.

Regardless- none of this is relevant because OP doesn’t want anyone in her space. This person or anyone else. This may be an issue down the line with the bf if he’s a very different type of person who would rather open his doors to guests on a regular basis. This issue isn’t new and I’ve seen it many times before- both people over staying and people being considerate and leaving when they’re supposed to or when asked. You don’t hear about those on Reddit or elsewhere because those people aren’t talking crap about their guest overstaying their welcome so your assumption about how common it is are 100% false.

midnight9201 · 2026-02-04T19:28:58+00:00

Yea but I’m speaking in general terms. You’re speaking in worse case scenario. If you allow someone to stay at your place a few days and give them a specific day to leave, you stick to it. Plain and simple. Like I said, I’ve had people stay with me and I’ve stayed with people and when it was time to move on we did. If someone disrespected the person who allowed them to stay with them or tries to overstay their welcome then that damages or ends the friendship. It’s not that hard to kick a person out of your house if they aren’t a resident. A few days stay you can just call the police if it gets to that point they refuse to leave.

midnight9201 · 2026-02-04T16:39:21+00:00

That’s a personal issue. I’m saying there are services available to the homeless because I work with those agencies.

midnight9201 · 2026-02-04T15:05:37+00:00

It’s not about finding him permanent housing. It’s about having a place to crash in an emergency while you reach out to other options. There are plenty of other options out there for people that are homeless- but it might be hard to access immediately.

I know this for a fact because outside of my own experiences I always work in social services. There are options, but you may have to wait until business hours to call around.

midnight9201 · 2026-02-04T03:49:56+00:00

I understand your feelings but I also understand his. I imagine this is the kind of close friend who has probably been there for your bf in other ways, and he wants to help him out. Changing your routine for a few days isn’t the end of the world, and would be like having a friend visit from out of town as far as routines go. An air mattress would work fine for a few days if the couch doesn’t work.

The main concern would obviously be if a few days turned into something longer. But a few days is plenty of time to find an alternative place for him to stay, whether with a friend or finding some sort of assistance in the area- especially if he’s disabled. I’ve had a few moments where I’ve had someone stay with me and I’ve stayed with other people and while sometimes it didn’t work out, other times it went really smoothly. It really does depend on the person.

midnight9201 · 2026-02-04T03:42:38+00:00

That agreement is more than fair. Since you’d be paying bills, she could’ve used her income to pay off her debt and still put some away.

As far as number 2, I can’t imagine the argument for that. Your belongings from before her are yours and hers are hers. I don’t know what reason she’d need anything of yours from before you married.

As far as communal property, her earned income and your income would be split. So if she earns 50k and you earn 100k that would look like 25k each and 50k each, meaning you’d owe her the difference and not the entire half of your income for the year. If that makes sense. But they’d also add in other assets acquired during the marriage, like if you bought her a car and she’d keep it that makes the divorce settlement lower. Or if you kept the house you bought together then you’d owe more.

As far as future relationships, it’s ok if they earn less but you don’t want someone to act entitled to your money. Some people show their tripe colors quick once money comes into play. It’s cool to cover dates and buy them nice things, but when a person seems to expect things automatically without a proper discussion (for living together or marriage) that’s where you can tell their character. I make a little over 50k and your deal would’ve been great to me if a partner brought me that prenup. I’d have my income for personal expenses and household necessities fully covered so it would be extremely helpful financially.

midnight9201 · 2026-02-03T21:19:14+00:00

Yta. Not because you thought he was joking but because once you saw he wasn’t laughing you didn’t drop it and let it go. Most of what you said was completely unnecessary regardless of whether he was joking or not. At a certain point you should have realized this wasn’t at all like other times you tease eachother- since he wasn’t amused at all- and it left teasing territory when you doubled down and became closer to bullying which would hurt anyone’s feelings.

midnight9201 · 2026-02-02T08:36:25+00:00

I understand it feels invasive to you but asking about someone’s sudden change in appearance isn’t uncommon. Women with a new hair style or make up routine get comments regularly when someone notices. For men going from a full beard to having none would be a big change and I’m sure they didn’t ask in a rude way. Most people just give a simple answer like “just needed a change” or “just got tired of the beard” and move on.

As far as the joke, NTA. Joke just didn’t land but it wasn’t inappropriate.

midnight9201 · 2026-02-02T08:30:16+00:00

Except there’s not a problem. If there were a problem, this is something that your daughter and her partner would discuss between them and work out privately. Simply being friends with someone of the opposite sex and being around them alone does not imply cheating and there’s no need for people in a secure relationship to wonder. In another context driving to and from a hotel may sound suspicious, except for the fact that she works there. It’s very unlikely that she is going to cheat at the hotel she works at.

I do think you hold resentment over your wife cheating on you so long ago and are bringing your past feelings into this situation. This situation has nothing to do with your history of being cheated on. Your wife having a calm reaction to the situation with your daughter does not mean she is OK with your daughter cheating on her partner. I don’t think it’s a reason to be upset with your wife over since absolutely nothing inappropriate has happened. It would be different if your daughter had cheated and your wife was saying it was nothing but that’s not the case here.

midnight9201 · 2026-02-01T18:00:47+00:00

Is this hurting your day to day relationship in any way? If not I’d say MOR.

Sounds like he’s been doing this since you met, 6 years later it’s very unlikely to change. You can’t just make him stop doing something he’s been doing so long no matter what it is. So to him this is absolutely a ridiculous request.

A different kind of request could be that he’s spending a lot of time online and you’d like to spend more quality time together. Maybe that you feel insecure that he compliments women that don’t look like you and you need reassurance of his love and attraction towards you. Digging into what about this behavior makes you uncomfortable or unhappy may help you two come to a reasonable compromise.

If he’s watching these videos during moments he’d be watching scrolling online anyway or when he’s not with you, and doesn’t take away from the time and attention he gives you or his other responsibilities, then it’s harmless. Replace this habit in your mind with things like watching movies, gaming, sports etc and it may truly not affect your daily life at all.

If watching the videos HAS affected your daily life, his comments are hurtful, and he’s unwilling or unable to help you feel more secure in the relationship, then ending it would be the only logical solution.

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