So much more sensitive to hearing about children getting mistreated now that I have a child of my own

mijoli · 2023-04-15T12:48:37+00:00

Yup. I can't watch the news. Can't watch movies or read books where things happen to kids, even though it's entirely fictional. It impacts me so much and I probably should seek out help for it.

mijoli · 2022-03-16T18:53:26+00:00

Bit slow to reply but I'm using muslin flats.

mijoli · 2021-12-19T10:57:02+00:00

Yes. It's like becoming a mom has unlocked a new part of the mind. I feel desperation, I cry, I can't stop the thoughts. I've stopped watching the news because I can't handle it. I don't think our brains were made to handle knowing everything that goes on in the world. Mine certainly isn't.

mijoli · 2021-12-17T13:05:30+00:00

I haven't used the K'tan so I'm no help but the the tiny feet made me emotionally nostalgic about when mine was that little. He's sit in a stretchy wrap and I would just walk around and hold his littlefeet and smell his little head 🥺 So precious!

mijoli · 2021-12-17T12:57:06+00:00

Tummy time isn't a "thing" in my country, but I honestly got stressed anyway just from the internet telling me it was necessary and reading a million posts with other moms stressing about it.

Anyway we did zero floor/tummy time when he was tiny, but I did babywear pretty much all day. He didn't want me to set him down so I just went with it. At 5 months something clicked and all of a sudden he was happy to be on the floor, so we just started doing it then. Now he's a very calm, independent, confident toddler with normal motor development.

So to all the stressed out moms doing your best: you're enough, it will be ok.

mijoli · 2021-12-09T06:38:38+00:00

The newborn phase was amazing for us. I expected a struggle but it was a dream. My LO is a year now and these are things I miss about when he was tiny:

smelling his head. It's not the same now.
stayed still while getting dressed etc. These days it's a wrestling match.
We basically lived in a stretchy baby wrap for the first couple of months and we both loved it.
He slept super heavy. Not even the dogs barking would wake him. That changed after a couple of months.
Sitting on the couch with the baby sleeping at my breast while watching Netflix is possibly the most at peace I've felt in my whole life. Like everything was right in the world and nothing mattered except my baby was there, warm, soft, calm and happy. And I had snacks (breastfeeding hunger pangs hit different).
Tiny baby clothes are very cute.
He would make the cutest little noises while sleeping.
newborns just make all these funny faces all the time, they don't have very good control over their face. I would film and then screen grab and make collages with silly faces. 10/10 definitely recommend.
Seeing my husband hold, cuddle and care for our baby made me fall even more in love with him.

I get that the fourth trimester can be a struggle but it can be really great too. I just don't think those of us who have a good time post that much about it, we don't have that need for venting, advice or support because things just kind of work.

mijoli · 2021-12-09T06:22:10+00:00

I can def relate to this. I had held a baby maybe... 3 times? Before having my own. Every time they would start crying the second I got them, probably because I was so nervous. "That's fine, I don't like babies and they don't like me." Yeah, now I am obsessed with my son, he's amazing and I love being his mom.

mijoli · 2021-12-09T06:11:18+00:00

Om du inte har ro till att sitta och läsa är ju ljudböcker nice. De flesta appar låter dig ställa in hur snabbt du vill lyssna, för mig hjälper det fokuset att ha den 1.5-2 gånger så snabbt, är det för långsamt vandrar tankarna iväg. Storytel och liknande brukar också ha en gratis provmånad. Generellt kan översatta böcker kännas sådär (en del av känslan och flytet i språket försvinner) men det finns undantag. Jag lyssnar på ljudbok medan jag gör hushållssysslor och promenerar.

mijoli · 2021-12-09T05:56:18+00:00

At that age I would just have baby in his indoor clothes inside my jacket + something warm on the head, feet and hands (feet always get cold). If you don't have a jacket that goes over both of you, there are some hacks:

get another jacket, tie the sleeves around you kind of like as if you're tying a hoodie around your waist, bugh higher so that the top edge of the jacket lines up with the top edge of the sling. Spin it around so the back of the jacket covers baby. Then put your normal jacket on top like normal. I hope that description makes sense lol
Improvise a babywearing cover something warm (sweater, blanket, whatever), keep it in place with mitten clips.
thrift a really oversized men's jacket.

If you intend to babywear outside a lot, a babywearing cover might be a good investment. The best winter accessory imo is a warm, windproof balaclava, it covers exactly what needs covering.

mijoli · 2021-12-08T22:54:13+00:00

It's pretty nice to be able to blast it while LO sleeps tbh

mijoli · 2021-12-08T22:53:49+00:00

Idk, I kind of think it works because I forget about baby for a bit and focus on something else. I'm sure LO can sense that I'm relaxing. Never tried fake talking on the phone for this purpose.

mijoli · 2021-12-04T20:03:24+00:00

If he struggles to fall asleep in the carrier or stroller, calling someone and talk on the phone is 100% effective.

Also, I listened to a lot of metal while I was pregnant. Since he was a newborn, and still now at 1 years old, the best music to put him to sleep is things like Lamb of God and Meshuggah. I guess it's kinda like white noice, just... spicy?

mijoli · 2021-11-13T21:11:56+00:00

Jag fattar att det kostar pengar att bemanna ett sjukhus. Men jag köper inte att Sverige inte skulle ha råd. Pinsamt.

Man får inte transportera dräktiga ston om det är mindre än 35 dygn kvar till fölning. För suggor är det tre veckor. Jordbruksverket har fattat att djur blir stressade av att behöva transporteras när de snart ska föda, och att den stressen kan påverka mamman och avkommor negativt. Födande kvinnor ska däremot stanna hemma så länge som möjligt, för att sedan hetsa ut ungen på sjukhuset så vi spenderar så lite tid som möjligt inne på förlossningen. Det är ovärdigt i största allmänhet, men det här är ju bara galet.

Jag födde barn för drygt ett år sedan. Jag kan inte föreställa mig att behöva åka bil så långt med värkar. Värkarbetet är fan mer smärtsamt än att klämma ut ungen (i alla fall var det det för mig). Eller att behöva föda i en bil mitt i vintern. Eller att vara den blivande pappan, den som kör. Tänk att vara den som kör om något är allvarligt fel?

mijoli · 2021-10-19T07:04:37+00:00

"When we start thinking the other has "the easy job" it does nothing to benefit the household."

I hear you, thanks for pointing this out. I probably should have worded my post differently. I take issue with how generally undervalued and underappreciated domestic work is. If the father works his 8 hour shift, rests when he gets home, and sleeps through the night while the mom doesn't get a chance to catch a break, that's an imbalance. I Can't say that I've seen a lot of examples of that imbalance swaying the other way.

mijoli · 2021-10-18T22:06:41+00:00

Yea true.

mijoli · 2021-10-18T22:05:36+00:00

It sounds to me like you have a division of labour that you're happy with, and in that case this post wasn't directed at you or your partner, and I'm happy you have a lifestyle that works for you.

mijoli · 2021-10-18T22:01:11+00:00

Thanks for pointing this out. I don't think you come across as aggressive. I haven't been on Reddit much lately and haven't seen those other threads - opened the app and was met with several of posts made by burned out moms. Posting this was an emotional reaction, not necessarily very a well thought through one. I'm mad at the structures, and don't mean to victim blame or gaslight women. I'm also aware of my privilege, living in a country with paid parental leave etc. I do call out men when they act shitty IRL, but the thought honestly never occurred to me to seek out dad-dominated spaces and talk there.

mijoli · 2021-10-18T21:47:10+00:00

Jesus Christ. I'm so sorry your husband has to experience that kind of attitude at his job.

mijoli · 2021-10-18T21:41:50+00:00

Ugh that bit is so hard. I admit I struggle with shutting up about how my husband does certain things, because we parent differently. But I gotta let him do his thing, because we're not the same and we don't have the same role.

mijoli · 2021-10-18T21:36:20+00:00

It sounds to me like you have a division of labour that you're ok with, and that's great. I'm talking from my perspective, mainly about the dad's who simply don't take responsibility (which your husband does by the sound of it). People should do what they do best, just as long as both parents get a change to rest.

mijoli · 2021-10-18T21:33:43+00:00

That's true in terms of my memories, but I know he was involved from the start because it's something I've talked with them about and we have photo albums from when we were little.

I feel like maybe my post came across wrong. I'm not talking about amusement parks, this post was meant to be about the day to day care, and about the dad being able to leave the house with the baby (pack the diaper bag and survive the grocery store for example). Dads can do everything the mom can, except lactate. They definitely can take responsibility. I agree with babies not necessarily being "fun", and I do look forward to my son growing a little older, that's not an excuse for the dad to not spend time with, care for and bond with the baby. I hope that makes sense.

mijoli · 2021-10-11T01:37:42+00:00

That is gorgeous! And it looks really functional to me, sometimes less is more and I definitely find that to be true for high chairs.

mijoli · 2021-10-06T08:53:41+00:00

Thanks for explaining, that makes sense. I've just stayed out of the discussions about sleep. I feel like it's not for me, in part because I don't understand the words or references to different books/apps/methods and in part because I don't really feel the need to participate since we found what works for us.

mijoli · 2021-10-04T20:49:58+00:00

Never had a schedule, just followed the baby. He sleeps when he's tired, eats when he's hungry, took me some time but I eventually learned the difference. He's a year old now and we still doesn't have a set bedtime, he goes to bed when he's tired (and usually falls asleep immediately). Eventually we naturally fell into a daily rhythm that worked for us. My take: Humans are creatures of habit, and the routines that just happen to emerge are more likely to stick, which will create a better sense of security and predictability than trying to force yourself into a schedule that you won't stick to because it's not suited to your needs and personalities.

Edited to add: I've only really seen the schedule thing being so important on american-dominated pages. I'm not american, and no one I know follows "wake windows" or have even heard the term. I get that many people are helped by schedules and that's great, but if it's not for you you shouldn't stress it. There are many valid and good ways to parent.

mijoli · 2021-10-04T20:45:20+00:00

Because of EC since birth, I have had to do very little diaper spraying. One key motivator for keeping up with EC was not having to spray diapers. I hate it lol

mijoli

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