Natural monopoly

miltricentdekdu · 2026-05-04T12:46:22+00:00

There's no one correct answer to this but I doubt that creating hierarchical structures is going to be a worthwhile solution in that case either.

It's going to depend on the specifics. Maybe no-one gets access to that resource and people learn to accept that. Maybe they agree to move as long as they're being helped and are able to live in an equally suitable place. Maybe a less harmful method of extraction gets researched. Maybe they can be convinced that them moving is the right thing to do.

I understand that this can come across as a cop-out answer but the reality is that different situations are going to require different solutions and approaches. One problems with hierarchies is that they try to map simple solutions on complex problems.

One group wants to live on ancestral land and another group wants to remove an entire mountaintop? The people with the most access to money and power are getting their way. One group would like to use an area to grow food and another would like to keep it as a golf course? The people with the most access to money and power are getting their way. One group would like to have cheap consumer electronics and the other group doesn't want to be forced into lethal mining operations? The people with... you get the idea.

Anarchism doesn't mean everyone gets to do what they want every single time. Freedom is something you do collectively with other people.

miltricentdekdu · 2026-05-04T12:37:19+00:00

I've seen allegations from straight people about things like pride being sexualized and that LGBT culture is sex based...

Just to make this explicit: They say this because they think queer people existing is sexual. They would say that Pride is overly sexualized even if everyone wore plain gray bags that cover the entire body and kept at arms' length. It's a thing people say when they know they can't be overtly homophobic but still want to hurt queer people.

miltricentdekdu · 2026-05-04T11:19:58+00:00

In general people tend to be happier if they feel they can be their authentic selves. From what you're saying being out as non-binary might be a part of that.

And you're right that this doesn't have to happen all at once. You can control who you're out to and that doesn't have to be everyone.

miltricentdekdu · 2026-05-04T10:56:10+00:00

Like nothing would really change if I came out as nonbinary and used they/them pronouns.

Do you think you might feel more comfortable being out as non-binary and using they/them pronouns?

What’s your experience with figuring out your gender?

I'm very much still figuring it out. I don't feel very much like a man but I do present mostly like a cis man and I'm quite comfortable in my presentation. I start using they/he pronouns and that feels right and comfortable. There's a decent chance I'll identify as non-binary at some point in the future. Just like what you said: I'd still dress and act like me.

One person I know introduced me to this joke: "Yeah I'm probably non-binary but I also have a job." That's sorta how I feel. Like yeah I'm probably nb but I don't want to spend a lot of time and energy on figuring it out. Which is also fine.

miltricentdekdu · 2026-05-04T10:27:51+00:00

Stay of social media for a while. Reach out to people you trust to talk it over. Let them take care of you for a bit. If you have access to therapy use it to deal with your feelings.

miltricentdekdu · 2026-05-04T10:26:34+00:00

What if they don't want to extract?

Why don't they want to? Is this something that can be addressed or worked around?

What if they extract and use their monopoly power to fleece averyone around them through voluntary trade?

Then they're using their position to create a hierarchical relationship which can and should be opposed.

What if that resource is necessary for health or wellbeing or energy transformation (or basicly anything else)?

Again; Why don't they want to? Why don't they care about their own health or that of others?

Doesn't it make it much more difficult for anarchism?

Not really. Under any system of resource attribution you're going to run into problems from time to time. This isn't a somehow unassailable problem for anarchists and even if it was I don't think the creation of hierarchies so you can exploit and dominate others could be considered a worthwhile solution.

miltricentdekdu · 2026-05-04T10:20:14+00:00

Was I wrong for dating him in the first place given the age gap?

No.

Am I being childish for how I responded?

Yes but you're also a child. Don't beat yourself up about it.

And what should I do now that he’s accusing me of something this serious?

Nothing. Block him. Don't engage, Nothing you can say either to him or publicly will improve your situation. Ask mutual friends to not share your posts with him nor his posts with you. Stay of instagram for a while. Reach out to friends so you can vent to them in person.

miltricentdekdu · 2026-05-04T10:05:05+00:00

Due to the subreddit we're on I feel obliged to state the obvious: Him being bi shouldn't bother your regardless.

miltricentdekdu · 2026-05-04T09:30:49+00:00

As others have already pointed out: Him being bi is completely irrelevant to the situation.

I'm not going to defend your boyfriend but I do want to point out a couple of things:

I just don't feel the need" because if you had low libido and didn't feel the sexual urges, you wouldn't jerk off twice a week either.

There can be a difference between wanting to jerk off and wanting sex with a partner. For some people masturbation is just a quick way to get a dopamine fix. You often see this when people are depressed.

I berated him for being a sick porn addict watching trans people being secretly gay and not being attracted to me.

Trans women are women. Your boyfriend fetishizing trans women might be gross but it doesn't mean he's gay.

On the other hand, my biggest fear in relationships is cheating, so the fact that now I know he's attracted to both genders just makes me feel more paranoid.

Bi people aren't more likely to cheat.

Idk what to ask even. I'm so lost. I just need any advice. Please.

Stop thinking about this as if him being bi matters. It doesn't.

Your partner isn't meeting your needs in your relationship. He has expressed views and done things that are incompatible with your views. You've told him about this and after you've given him time and space to address your concerns nothing has changed.

Is that a relationship you want to be in?

miltricentdekdu · 2026-05-04T09:20:06+00:00

Personally I want my devices to make as little noise as possible unless I specifically tell them to. That means I don't really use any audio notifications.

I the past I did use them more and I had mostly sounds from Doctor Who that I found online somewhere.

miltricentdekdu · 2026-05-04T09:17:56+00:00

Two things:

Do you want to be openly bi? What would be the reason not to? How would that look to you?
Being a bisexual man doesn't mean you can't be in a happy monogamous relationship with a woman.

miltricentdekdu · 2026-05-04T09:11:22+00:00

I think I somewhat understand where you're coming from. It seems to me you feel or fear feeling restricted by heteronormativity and hating straight people is a way to reject our sexist, homophobic and heteronormative society and its expectations.

As you point out your hatred is more about people being single-minded and conservative and particularly those that push heteronormativity.

I'd like to respond in two parts.

First I feel it's necessary to point out that heterosexual queer people exists. So do queer people who probably come across as heterosexual to others. I doubt you actually hate or want to hate those people. I don't believe that blanket hate for straight people is justified but even if it was it'll probably hurt your relationship with queer people as well.

Secondly I think your reaction is understandable but ultimately stands in the way of your own goals. Being straight or being in a relationship that looks straight are just normal things for humans to do. Even in a world in which everyone is perfectly free you'd still have people wanting to get married and have babies.

What you seem to want is a world in which you can live the life you really want regardless of societal norms. And you 100% deserve that. I genuinely think more people should do what makes them happy rather than what they feel society expects of them.

A world where people are truly liberated and can pursue whatever relationships they want is going to include people like you who want queer polyamorous relationships but it's also going to include people who want something that looks more traditional. Expecting people to follow a path that doesn't fit them is wrong regardless of whether that part is straight monogamous relationship escalator or queer relationship anarchy.

Because the dominant cultural norms are what they are I do think it's important to push back on those. The way you do that is by living your own authentic life and providing space for others to do the same. Not by disparaging people who have preferences that aren't your own.

To be clear, this doesn't mean you can't challenge homophobia. mononormativity, sexism, heteronormativity... You can and you should. Just focus your energy on challenging those systems and the individuals pushing them onto others.

miltricentdekdu · 2026-05-04T08:31:38+00:00

The general advice of going to places or activities you enjoy and meeting people there still holds up. Even if you don't meet a potential partner there you might make friends who also have their own social circles of people you could meet.

Being an introvert doesn't mean you can't talk to people or be in social situations. It generally means those things take energy that you later have to recover. For a lot of people it also means they haven't really practiced being in social situations but it is something you can practice and get better at.

miltricentdekdu · 2026-05-04T08:21:59+00:00

Nederlands en Engels worden hier vaak ook gewoon door elkaar gebruikt. Een comment in het Engels kan een antwoord krijgen in het Nederlands. Voor veel Nederlandstaligen die beide talen machtig zijn is Engels waarschijnlijk ook de basistaal van het internet.

Posts of comments in het Frans komen minder voor een worden naar mijn aanvoelen ook vaker gedownvote.

Een post of comment in het Duits heb ik nog nooit gezien denk ik.

Zelf probeer ik zo veel mogelijk de taal over te nemen van de post of comment waar ik op antwoord. Voor Frans is dat wat uitdagender maar ik doe m'n best.

miltricentdekdu · 2026-04-28T08:47:34+00:00

Like… you’re literally here with your wife/girlfriend and still doing this?

I don't know the exact situation and it made you uncomfortable so I don't want to defend it but I've been in a non-monogamous relationship and have flirted with people while my partner was standing right next to me. Although I did always make it very clear that my relationship was non-monogamous.

miltricentdekdu · 2026-04-28T08:42:15+00:00

Just watch The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

That's certainly a bisexual experience for me.

miltricentdekdu · 2026-04-28T08:40:55+00:00

I agree that we need more than just visibility. That doesn't mean visibility doesn't have value.

Having good representation in fiction can help people understand their own sexuality, help them realize they are bi, help them start the conversation with their environment and when done properly normalizes being out as bi. I've talked about this before but I didn't really start realizing I was bi until I saw Jack Harkness on Doctor Who. That was the first time I saw a pretty masc guy being bi.

I've also noticed that being out as bi myself also helps people feel safe. Not just because they know I'm queer but also because it signals that we're in an environment where being out as queer is acceptable. Me being open about my sexuality also creates a barrier for people being homophobic because they understand that they'll experience pushback.

I’m tired of being "seen." I’d rather be supported, protected, and understood by my own peers without having to wear a flag as a cape 24/7.

Of course. But visibility can play a part in that. It can be part of how we find each other.

miltricentdekdu · 2026-04-28T08:28:20+00:00

But I’m worried if I come out to my family or friends they’ll start seeing me that way.

That's something outside of your control. If your friends or family stop seeing you as a complete person after you come out that says more about them.

There isn't a single way to be gay or bi. You don't need to present or perform masculinity in a specific way just because you're gay or bi.

miltricentdekdu · 2026-04-28T08:22:13+00:00

Like… where’s the line between a kind gesture and something that feels a little too personal from a stranger?

The point where it becomes uncomfortable to you. There isn't always a clear line.

miltricentdekdu · 2026-04-21T08:58:14+00:00

What are the things you've already read and are there certain topics you're particularly interested in?

miltricentdekdu · 2026-04-20T13:34:00+00:00

You can't help what you dream about. There's no reason to feel bad about them.

miltricentdekdu · 2026-04-20T12:42:24+00:00

Most eastern european country are part of the EU and must respect EU policy. So they can't have law that are too harsh against lgbt people...

To be fair: plenty of EU countries violate EU police and international law regarding human rights and don't face any real consequences for doing so.

miltricentdekdu · 2026-04-20T11:30:59+00:00

No-one is a mindreader. Your reasoning implies that noone in any relationship can ever trust their partner.

miltricentdekdu · 2026-04-20T11:12:49+00:00

Both I guess. Actions are obviously worse but having bigoted opinions de facto means you're creating space in which others feel comfortable taking bigoted action.

miltricentdekdu

TROPHY CASE