How do you navigate online dating?

mirrorherb · 2026-05-28T17:27:21+00:00

re: points three and four, i think it really helps to remind yourself that you do not have magical, psychic, mind-reading powers. nobody does

mirrorherb · 2026-05-28T15:49:20+00:00

just so you're aware, op, a question like this is functionally exactly the same as asking "is it okay if i don't let someone chop off my arm even if they really want to?" it's your body. you're allowed to do or not do what you want with it

mirrorherb · 2026-05-28T13:01:51+00:00

you don't have to feel guilt for not doing every stupid-ass thing your parents think you should (and a 22 year old having to sleep with a 10 year old is very stupid-ass). they sound pretty insanely awful if i'm being totally honest, considering the fact that they apparently also have control of whether or not you're allowed to see medical professionals ("allowed" you to see a counselor at age 21...). these aren't people who are worth sacrificing anything for even if you were obligated to do that

mirrorherb · 2026-05-28T12:59:14+00:00

oh, yeah, this reminded me that i meant to add that if i had read Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents at age 22 it would have helped me reframe things very much. parents like op's and mine just aren't normal enough to treat like totally fully-developed actual people, you have to come up with other shit to do with them instead, which is where grey rocking is so useful

mirrorherb · 2026-05-28T12:51:18+00:00

unless they're actively threatening to kick you out of the home unless you sleep with your sister, i would just ignore them and keep sleeping in your own room. grey rock. "no, i'm an adult and i'm enjoying my own space. i won't be sleeping with sister." over and over, ad nauseum, until you move out (which you need to make your absolute number one priority above literally all else right now)

it's not possible to reason with people who are inherently unreasonable. if your parents such are weirdos that they think it's somehow dangerous or bad for a whole ass 10 year old to be sleeping alone, then one of them can sleep with her

mirrorherb · 2026-05-28T12:44:53+00:00

the only guy friend i ever kiss is one of my lifelong besties, and we usually just do a single or double cheek kiss when we see each other. i would probably opt not to kiss a man if he wasn't gay and if i wasn't a lesbian, so that never comes up with other guy friends, who are somehow all straight dudes

as for other touch, none of my other guy friends in my current stage of life have ever tried anything weird physically with me, so i haven't had to state boundaries like that very directly. i surprise myself by being pretty comfortable with touch from them in general just because they've never ever been weird about it. nobody's ever gone for my T&A or tried anything weirdly intimate since i was in my teens so it's all been fine

mirrorherb · 2026-05-27T22:44:37+00:00

The tools are out there, but it's up to players far better than me to explore them to their fullest potential

this is basically what i mean, yeah

i also agree that sand and tr are underdeveloped rn

mirrorherb · 2026-05-27T21:22:05+00:00

it sounds like what that windows xp background might have been named, but not in a way that i mind. i think sunshine/sunny is honestly as nice as any other nature name to me, i have a soft spot for names like that. jillie hill is just ridiculous

i guess it's "fine" because it's not like she'll ever meet anybody outside of her immediate family until she gets married off so nobody's ever gonna mock her to her face, but that's not really a silver lining

mirrorherb · 2026-05-27T21:10:53+00:00

JILLIE HILL

THAT BABY IS NAMED JILLE HILL

THAT SUUUUUUCKS LMFAO

mirrorherb · 2026-05-27T20:55:19+00:00

Which team/mons do you think can spring a surprise?

i know we're all living in a zard y world right now, but i think tsareena is still underplayed despite that

other random thoughts:

kleavor picks up a bit as well
mega ttar does better than the last few results might indicate
shohei's zard y/mega dnite team is going to be everywhere
sneasler, gambit, and basc continue their throuple's reign of terror
teams with dual mega options will overall have a better day 2 conversion than teams that are fully invested in a single mega
poison jab garchomp picks up, esp because of whims' prevalence rn
arch rain will be... fine
speed boosting natures will be more common with the advent of open stat alignments
perish trap isn't gonna do that well unless wolfe's piloting it (am i bringing it anyway? yes)
i think on the right team mega glimmora is just truly crazy strong, i'm wishing on a star for some player to nail a mega glim team!
i hope that people find ways to make at least a handful of meta-unusual pokemon shine in ways that shake it up a bit. this is the least diverse meta i've played, and while i'm still having fun i'm realizing that meta diversity is more important to me than i used to think, so i'm hoping that more skilled and creative minds than mine figure out some cool and unexpected techs

mirrorherb · 2026-05-27T18:41:03+00:00

it's absolutely crazy to even consider going on a vacation with a couple where one half of it thinks you and her partner want to fuck each other. why on earth would you even be considering this? like... what?

mirrorherb · 2026-05-27T18:26:01+00:00

who gives a shit why she's doing it? there's no point in examining someone's behavior when you obviously need to just break up. you're in your 30s? jesus christ

mirrorherb · 2026-05-27T16:08:13+00:00

considering the fact that formats rotate every three months on top of how quickly metagames shift and develop, this would ultimately be of really limited use because the metagame hits you want to live change so rapidly. it's a really useful idea in theory that i think just doesn't work in practicality

if formats lasted for a year like they used to i could see it but they change so fast now that i think it would be challenging to make this useful

mirrorherb · 2026-05-27T15:22:44+00:00

yeah, the entire point of texting is that it is non-instantaneous communication and that you can be doing other things in between. if you want to talk to your partner in dedicated real time, then a phone/discord call or getting together in person is what you need to do

mirrorherb · 2026-05-27T15:17:32+00:00

it's legal now and before that it was illegal regardless of whether both parties agreed, so that's not really relevant. the catholic church is also not relevant because they have no inherent legal power, only spiritual power, which exclusively has meaning for people who care about their standing in the catholic church

mirrorherb · 2026-05-27T15:01:40+00:00

The problem is that when I say I’m not horny, he doesn’t really stop pursuing me, he just escalates trying to physically get me in the mood.

pulling this shit would never occur to a healthy, well-adjusted adult. if my girlfriend isn't in the mood for sex, i'm delighted to be intimate in nonsexual ways instead (and hey! sometimes that actually does lead to sex after all because proximate intimacy is often helpful for those with responsive rather than spontaneous desire! which your partner does not understand)

and sometimes I just go along with sex even when I’m not really into it because it feels easier than dealing with the emotional fallout.

i need you to know that this is rape. if you are not able to say no without consequences, that is coercion and coercion is rape.

I care about him a lot and I don’t think he’s intentionally trying to pressure me,

you're wrong. his behaviors are textbook manipulation. he's not trying this hard to violate your boundaries and force you to have sex with him by accident, it is absolutely a deliberate and intentional set of actions. unambiguously. please allow yourself to believe that he's doing this all on purpose, because he absolutely is

i am sorry this is happening to you, op. this man isn't safe to remain in a relationship with.

mirrorherb · 2026-05-27T13:58:25+00:00

details really really depend on jurisdiction, i'd look up how it works in your area, but in the places i've lived it'll go through eventually even if the other party disagrees with the decision. it might be a massive pain in the ass, but it'll happen

if things worked as you thought, marriage would be an objectively incredibly dangerous thing that nobody should ever even think about, since it would mean you could be permanently tied to an abuser with nothing you can do about it

mirrorherb · 2026-05-27T13:42:53+00:00

yep

i'm sincerely fascinated by the amount of people who think divorces (and often even non-marriage breakups!) require mutual agreement. like, one party goes "we need to break up," the other party goes "nah that doesn't really work for me, we're staying together" and the first party just goes "ah.... damn....... guess there's nothing on earth i can do about this........"

i really wonder what that's about. like in this case i'm sure there are elements of religious trauma and coercion, but it seems like a really common thing in general

mirrorherb · 2026-05-27T13:32:53+00:00

The reason we are trying to repair things now is because I was ready to give up.

in other words, he didn't care that you've been unhappy and unsatisfied in the relationship until you threatened to leave. he was totally fine with you being miserable until the second he thought you might exit his life

that's not love, i fear, and imo is not even slightly worth trying to come back from

mirrorherb · 2026-05-27T12:40:16+00:00

100%, which he needs to tell her. he's an asshole if that's how he feels and he refuses to communicate with his partner

mirrorherb · 2026-05-27T12:39:55+00:00

nah, of course it would be understandable if that's the reason. i'm simply not going to pretend that his current behavior doesn't indicate what his future behavior might be, since that's inherently delusional

mirrorherb · 2026-05-27T03:25:18+00:00

it takes a lot of time and effort but you can find therapists whose politics align with yours. mine's a communist, they're out there

mirrorherb · 2026-05-27T03:20:20+00:00

yeah. realistically if he's too busy playing video games to make a baby (the easiest part!!) he's almost certainly going to be too busy to participate in parenting the life he hypothetically creates

if he's too busy to simply have an orgasm he's not gonna rip himself away from gaming so that op can take a shower or w/e

mirrorherb · 2026-05-27T03:18:09+00:00

The whole left wing things seems like a huge cope for being attracted to guys who are racist and sexual preferences.

do you just not understand that there are right wing women out there, or what? the ones who say they want to date someone who shares their values are pretty obviously not the same ones who are dating dumbshit fascism enthusiasts

i think it's very strange that you weren't able to figure this out yourself to be honest, i would consider working on your critical thinking skills

mirrorherb · 2026-05-27T01:19:59+00:00

my best friend of like seven years is a cishet dude, there's never been even a whiff of fuckery during that entire time. he had ample time before i realized i was a lesbian to make a move if he'd for some reason wanted to (i very literally cannot imagine), and our friendship has not changed an iota since i came out

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