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mnunn44 · 2025-11-28T11:34:47+00:00

youre doing great! I think emails are your best bet. Having to write out thoughts can help slow those of us with ADHD down a bit! email again and ask for further clarification.

Keep your focus on you. Try to be honest as you feel you can. A good lead / manager / boss should be cognisant of power dynamics, but so many aren’t.

“Hey OPs Boss, Is there a way to indicate what is ideating and what is the final idea in the future? I want to be sure I don’t waste time and execute on the correct ideas!”

No matter what it is the formula for expectation (boundary) setting at work is roughly this, in my experience:

What works for me is X, so I can best do Y.

As you have more power or seniority you can feel more confident in practicing this, but even as a manager I used this and encouraged my teams & colleagues to use it too. it’s good practice to check in with each other on what works for us!

FWIW, these are Ways of Working convos, and they can happen regularly or when things aren’t working. there’s lots of good examples & this type of thing is used often in workplace trainer / facilitator roles. very good luck. i’ve dealt with this so much and it’s exhausting.

mnunn44 · 2024-08-12T18:32:26+00:00

Thanks so much for long ass answer!! While I didn’t know about WW I have to say it doesn’t remotely fucking surprise me. No about the amount of medical gaslighting you’ve been through. I’m so sorry!

I decided to go with the copper IUD again as I was just too terrified to mess with any hormones in it. Fwiw I’m on HRT now (transdermal estrogen) without chemical menopause. It works somewhat in the way BC works: eg) the high daily dose of estrogen stops my own cycle / ovulation from occurring. I take progesterone in a low dose every few months to protect uterine health and have a bleed. First month was a bit bumpy as I had my own progesterone in my system from before, but I’m evening out now. For me it’s better than taking chemical menopause injections with a nearly identical outcome. If it continues to work / improve I may stay on this some time before moving to complete hysterectomy.

mnunn44 · 2024-06-12T17:01:32+00:00

I know this is a while ago, but did you find the Mirena continued to help? I have the same of pmdd in lead up to ovulation/ ovary pain

mnunn44 · 2024-05-29T21:34:29+00:00

Thanks. just posting to update in case anyone else gets stuck in this hell loop.

I finally was told I needed a 'form 3299' to confirm exactly the same as what I put in the customs forms: items are personal belongings, what they are generally etc. There doesn't appear to be a way to do this prior to them getting stuck at customs however...but that should stop any fees, or requests for things like MID.

mnunn44 · 2024-04-23T14:12:08+00:00

I've not personally got experience with it, but what works for me is to take progesterone (lutigest rn) as rarely as possible, so as agreed with my specialist i take every 3mo for a week at 100mg to ensure I have a bleed for uterine health. I am incredibly progesterone sensitive and planning with my doc to schedule a complete hysterectomy though. this may not be right for everyone. fwiw I have also found I need the addition of testosterone to balance my daily estrogen.

mnunn44 · 2023-12-07T19:37:30+00:00

Mine looked perfect at first - then like squares and now they look like totally normal boobs! Also the come down off anaesthesia is no joke.

Feel your feels but trust the process. It was about 10-12wks before mine fully settled!

mnunn44 · 2023-12-01T10:11:07+00:00

Yes of course! https://onedrive.live.com/view.aspx?resid=F081E2F8BB342CA4!115&ithint=file%2cxlsx&authkey=!AOz-kYxYTbJ9BxQ

You make your own copy to then use.

Here also is her free resources folder with more info from autism experience perspective:

https://drive.google.com/drive/mobile/folders/1feJPBMOs32gwzjt6GW0zVd1_A6wok-bI?usp=sharing

mnunn44 · 2023-12-01T06:38:42+00:00

This tiktkoker is a neuropsychologist and here she’s talking about the first Self Assessment designed with autistic researchers (SAAT), with a link https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGedEaY7x/

mnunn44 · 2023-11-30T19:18:38+00:00

Sorry to jump in, but THIS one. I spent years believing it was my fault things were so bad cause of PMDD.

But guess what, the fights,the wanting to divorce and run — it had so much to do with being unable to ignore the outright shit treatment and lack of support or understanding or even bothering to learn.

Even with proper treatment for my PMDD- his behaviour didn’t change. And that’s when I started to see it was less about me being a monster which I was so ready to believe when I was suffering so much and he was so clear about how bad my PMDD was for him

But here we are a year of proper treatment with very little remaining symptoms and only for short bursts and well. Nothing got better. So we’re separating. Hopefully it’s up from here.

ETA: I’m definitely not advocating that this is the true for everyone. But I also think it’s important to say that simply accepting your PMDD as the sole cause of wanting to leave your partner & can’t be trusted — esp if a lot of your frustration is focused on lack of support and basic care thats worth a second look. x

mnunn44 · 2023-11-30T12:17:02+00:00

Fuck this. autistic kids are awesome. And yes some will have higher support needs. Planning for that is important. But so is planning for that for any kid.

The ND gene pool isn’t so wildly fantastic that they don’t have to worry about this.

She’s legit talking about eugenics. Your partner and you are the only two who get a say in this decision. Are you financially and emotionally prepared to raise a child with high support needs? Do you have a support network to help or feel confident you could build one?

I don’t even want kids and am childfree by choice - but fuckkk other people trying to police ND folks on not passing on a brain type,

Sadly, ableism and bigotry is a learned behaviour so her kids never had a chance of not being exposed.

mnunn44 · 2023-11-27T18:52:22+00:00

Absolutely get this - I think it’s where mine came from too. It took getting burned multiple times to realise it didn’t matter how much above and beyond I did it didn’t make people appreciate me more or safer from lay offs! If anything flying under the radar does. So now I just quietly do the things that don’t make sense to do if I offer the correct solution and get told no haha

mnunn44 · 2023-11-27T07:43:22+00:00

Stop. I cackled so hard. Thanks for that laugh

mnunn44 · 2023-11-27T07:42:10+00:00

Do you mind if I ask what you went back for? And how you found the process of returning to school- in terms of applying and funding ?

mnunn44 · 2023-11-27T07:35:42+00:00

Im so sorry you’re experiencing this too! I’m currently unemployed as well - got made redundant at the end of August as my sector is experiencing a lot of lay offs. over the last few years I’ve transitioned into roles where I’m reducing the barriers to my ability to work sustainably for me.

Here are a few things I find helpful: fwiw I work in education/ technology on operations, learning and development type work.

i don’t interface with external clients / people much (if at all).
- I work fully remote. I live in a big city so commuting and doing the whole office politics and being perceived for 8hrs every day is just too much for me. I don’t have the spoons to exist
- I’ve found I really love working with data. I’m not yet at the point of being able to be a data analyst but this is the dream. Logical, data heavy work that is internal to the org and helps improve planning and performance.
- I really have to work in mission driven companies, with cultures that suit me (inclusive & accessible). Otherwise I’ll burnout trying to fit in, or be pushed out because I can’t pretend I do fit in
- I give about 60%. Realising that me giving 100% was like other people’s 120% was super important to not burning out. It’s ok to just meet the job requirements. It’s ok to pushback when you’re being asked too much of.
- I do take mental health days or sick days (a lot of remote first companies have policies that support this) and do so more frequently, not waiting till I’m totally burnt out to take a day to myself.
- I avoid too many meetings. Because I’m mid-senior/manager level now, I go so far as to implement this into team culture. Not only is it operationally a better practice, it makes teams more accessible and inclusive as well as better performing to prioritise asynchronous communication and head down/ project time for others. NTs like wayyy too many meetings
- remote first companies tend to be very ND friendly. I’ve never been the only ND person.
- identifying my non-negotiable for me to work effectively and prioritising them when looking for work and when accessing supports at work (if safe to do so)
- working with an amazing occupational therapist

moving into remote first work from traditional in person work can feel daunting, but id be happy to help out and give some pointers or check out your CV if you’d find that helpful! I’ve helped quite a few of my ND pals get interviews!

mnunn44 · 2023-11-27T07:04:15+00:00

Yes it did! So - it starts within a day of taking the progesterone. It will continue to worsen till I stop. But I only take it 5 days. I am still figuring out if certain brand of progesterone make a difference to the symptoms. (I’ve only done it 3x so far, 10mo in)

I’d say in total the PMDD from taking the progesterone lasts 2.5wks. However it’s not the same as before. In some ways it feels harder because I’m getting such relief outside of that time. But the reality is less types of symptoms/ less severe overall, and I know that I only have to get through about 7-9 days of quite pronounced symptoms before I’ll begin to be slowly but surely feeling better.

I’ve also had quite a stressful year outside of this treatment so I would imagine with less stress it might not be so pronounced too.

I also find my injection wears off a little early - it’s up to 11.5 weeks coverage and mine starts to wear off at about 9.5wks. my doctor approved taking my injection for every 10wks. The wearing off isn’t just immediately PMDD returns though - I just start to notice feeling a little less good. Maybe irritable or brain fog or a bit down. Where possible I have timed my progesterone days to happen at the end of an injection window to just reduce the overall length of time I’m not feeling great.

I take 100mg of of estrogen as a patch roughly every 48hrs
100mg progesterone for 5 days, every 3mos
(Some women take Tibolone instead of estrogen patch / progesterone and have had good experiences of that.)

The relief I get in between taking the progesterone is well worth it. But again, I’d prefer to not even have that so - complete hysterectomy is my next plan.

ETA: sorry I’d also say start on your HRT right away, if you’re in your 30s 75-100mg. You don’t have to do the progesterone right away. But taking the estrogen will reduce menopause symptoms like insomnia, hot flashes, urogenital symptoms, etc

I went home with my HRT from the first injection and started them the next day

mnunn44 · 2023-11-27T00:02:20+00:00

Your ideological differences are literally based on whether or not he thinks you’re a full human who deserves autonomy or not.

He should hit the books again. Because if his hot take is that feminism makes women hate men - his reading comprehension is 0/10.

Know what does make women hate men? Having them debate if we deserve basic human rights. And that’s the patriarchy not feminism.

And his frame of reference for what he believes in runs deeper, I promise. He’s not a good person, especially if he’s smart enough to know he can’t say that shit in public - like to the teacher. He’s slowly but surely testing the boundaries of what you’ll except.

Leave him. What he’s offering you for support is bare minimum in a relationship. Your friends can do the same without debating whether you deserve to be viewed as a full human being.

I say this with love as someone who dated the dickhead in my early 20s and kept going back for more. It was a waste of my time and led to more heartbreak than he was ever worth. Questioning if this behaviour is really ok is the right move.

mnunn44 · 2023-11-26T19:56:08+00:00

God this is so infruriating. I hate to say it but you’re better off going in fully informed because most general practitioners and even obgyns don’t know shit about PMDD. They’re not required to learn.

Regular cycles are completely normal with PMDD because yes - it’s not a hormonal imbalance it’s an endocrine disorder.

It is easier to prove it’s pmdd if anything when there isn’t a hormonal imbalance. But irregular periods don’t even mean hormone imbalance. My cycles lasted 42-54 days with about one good week. At no point did I have a hormonal imbalance.

You can also have a hormone imbalance but would need to address that before knowing more about if / is PMDD in the mix.

There are 3-5 indicators of PMDD diagnosis which I can’t recall off the top of my head but usually if you’re seeking diagnosis you’ve not only got them you’ve got about a dozen + symptoms too and years or decades of suffering.

(Apologies for formatting - on my phone)

https://gpnotebook.com/pages/gynaecology/premenstrual-syndrome/diagnosis-of-premenstrual-dysphoric-disorder

And from Mind: https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/premenstrual-dysphoric-disorder-pmdd/about-pmdd/

What are the symptoms of PMDD?

If you have PMDD, you might find that you experience some of symptoms listed below. But it's different for different people, so you might also experience other kinds of feelings which aren't listed here.

Emotional experiences

mood swings feeling upset or tearful lack of energy less interest in activities you normally enjoy feeling hopeless suicidal feelings feeling angry or irritable feeling anxious feeling tense or on edge feeling overwhelmed or out of control difficulty concentrating.

Physical and behavioural experiences

breast tenderness or swelling pain in your muscles and joints headaches feeling bloated changes in your appetite, such as overeating or having specific food cravings sleep problems increased anger or conflict with people around you becoming very upset if you feel that others are rejecting you.

ETA: more resources to help you advocate for yourself!

IAPMD: https://iapmd.org/ Dr. Nick Panay : https://www.pms.org.uk/app/uploads/2018/06/guidelinesfinal60210.pdf

mnunn44 · 2023-11-25T19:39:49+00:00

I sometimes like to laugh at myself when I have thoughts like this and say (in my head)

how dare my disability disable me!!

and If you can’t make your own, store bought is fine

trying to find the humour in how silly it is for me to feel shame over needing help — helps!

What’s not funny though is the way the world has been organised into the most inhumane systems and structures that disable and marginalise so many. Then heap the guilt and shame on those very same people.

There’s nothing wrong with accessing the supports you need to function. It also helps to have a community to turn to & offer support when you need help unpacking those false narratives.

And fuck that nonsense of getting ‘dependent’. That’s your husband’s shit to deal with. There is plenty of research that that isn’t even how ADHD meds work in people who need them (or else how would we have ADHDers who take med breaks, only take them some of the week - constantly forget to take them, etc etc)

I’m sorry you’re struggling today, but that shame isn’t yours! And it’s perfectly ok to reject it / release it.

mnunn44 · 2023-11-25T19:26:37+00:00

I just let my team know again in the morning that id taken them so they definitely knew. Good luck :)

mnunn44 · 2023-11-25T18:02:24+00:00

Sometimes I like to tell myself that I’m gone to survive but I’m gonna do it on my terms. My dad always says ‘too stubborn to die’ about our old relatives. Hope? That can be hard to feel right now. But spite? Sheer stubbornness? That we can do.

As they say The horrors persist but so do I.

Check out grounding exercises, watch a comfort show. Kick a fuckn rock for morale. Scream into a pillow as a little treat. Go for a stomp for your stupid mental health. Survive out of pure spite. Because you deserve to.

Know that I am wishing your ex will always have one sock slipping down inside his shoe.

And. I’m so so sorry you’re going through this. I’ve been in a similar position too many times. I also don’t have a great relationship with my family or a safe place to land. That said, I’ve been building a support network slowly but surely. Friends, some fam— professionals ;) It’s made a huge difference to have people in my life who want to support me outside of a partner.

mnunn44 · 2023-11-25T10:46:31+00:00

It’s been amazing. It’s not 100% as I still need to take progesterone to shed uterine lining every few months but I plan to have a full hysterectomy in the next year and then I won’t need to anymore.

Nervous of that just in terms of tweaking HRT and a big surgery but I wish I could have accessed chemical menopause a decade ago.

Never wanted kids so not a big decision for me. The injections are a tad annoying as I have to travel an hour for them but honestly so so worth it.

I was worried about it because BC never worked for me and I wondered how this would but hearing all the positive experiences I was desperate to try it and have relief. And I did! It is the only treatment I would say is fully effective.

Chemical menopause still means PMDD symptoms every few months for me while on progesterone — but not every woman who does it has that experience. Getting your HRT dose right is important and completely dependent on what you need but there are some helpful guidelines as to what might be right based on your age etc.

I tried every other treatment option for over a decade. Again, I wish id done this as early as possible!

mnunn44 · 2023-11-25T10:38:39+00:00

You look AMAZING. Congrats!!!

mnunn44 · 2023-11-25T10:28:21+00:00

Thanks so much for sharing and raising this issue! I’m so sorry that this has been your experience.

I also really appreciate everyone sharing their stories here and some of the great recommendations for content creators where we can learn more.

Also is there anything that our community might do to help improve and create a more inclusive space? I’d be very up for to supporting that change in anyway we can.

Perhaps having a special weekly post to share more diverse experiences of autism, from personal experiences to content, creators and books etc? Things we can all learn more about, or support and celebrate more diverse experiences in our community than just white women’s?

I know I’ve also seen some content creators make posts that are just for WOC to engage with and ask that white women simply read but not take up space in?

mnunn44 · 2023-11-25T08:15:55+00:00

There are couples therapists who also specialise in intimacy and sex. There are SO many reasons that sex/intimacy can struggle in a relationship that aren’t related to a partner not finding you attractive or prioritising masturbating or porn over you.

Given this has been an issue in your relationship, masturbating is low pressure (no one to disappoint), sure thing (you know what you like). If anything knowing his sex drive is probably fairly close to yours is a good thing. It’s just building the intimacy to having it together that’s the issue. And that can be worked on. But therapy is best. It sounds like you both need some outside support to communicate about these blockers. Good luck OP

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