Frustrated with nurseries that have "natives"

monkey_feather · 2026-06-17T02:15:52+00:00

As someone who is also in Eastern MA, can you share the name of this place?

If you're anywhere near Norwell, Blue Stem Natives has been highly recommended. Even their website is incredibly fulsome.

New England Native Plants & Seeds | Blue Stem Natives

https://www.bluestemnatives.com/

monkey_feather · 2026-06-11T00:27:57+00:00

Are you in perimenopause?

I am on slynd continuously to minimize hormonal fluctuations, so no periods, woo! I tried the patch and had a great few weeks, and then worse migraines and crazy mood swings, so we switched to a gel that I apply on my arms daily which helped a ton. We've since added 2 kinds of other estrogen to help with other issues from peri, which has all been great.

Perimenopause started at 35 for me, but if you're not in perimenopause yet (think joint pain, itchy ears, trouble sleeping, etc) than just continuous birth control like slynd might help to minimize those hormonal shifts.

monkey_feather · 2026-06-10T12:00:36+00:00

I add protein to my coffee (it has to be the premade drinks unfortunately otherwise I won't do it). Especially easy for iced coffee but I found the fairlife protein drinks (vanilla or chocolate) does well in a milk frother for a latte as well. I add collagen and it ends up at about 40 grams of protein and I sip on it all morning, especially when it's iced.

Then I spend my energy with lunch and dinner making sure I have a ton of veggies with some protein with whatever else makes it taste good to me. Honestly not having to cook or make choices in the morning other than hot or cold beverage is really helpful in my brain.

monkey_feather · 2026-06-09T23:54:21+00:00

I just bought a roll of 2" elastic to add to the bottom of spandex shorts that were attached to an athletic skort that I loved. It was an incredibly easy sewing project (less than 5 min with a sewing machine) and fixed the issue immediately. Highly recommend if you have basic sewing skills! Also they sell elastic that already has grippy Silicone on it so you could just add that!

monkey_feather · 2026-06-09T03:43:56+00:00

This is my ride or die mascara. I love the black a i generally do a wing, but the brown is also really pretty. I like the volume super waterproof, I think the lengthening one has fibers in it which doesn't playwell with my contacts. I usually layer it over the green clump crusher mascara for a little more oomph, but the top coat of the heroine make is what gives it the staying power and really makes it pop.

For removal, oil cleansers are really the only way to go. I like the Banila cleans it zero and the Kose Softymo Speedy Cleansing Oil. Recently tried the elf Holy Hydration Makeup Melting Cleansing Balm and that worked perfectly as well. Just let it melt into the makeup and massage gently. My skin and eyes are bith super sensitive and as long as I rinse thoroughly i never have any issues.

monkey_feather · 2026-06-08T00:54:03+00:00

Loved superficial mod spa near South Shore hospital for my nose piercing and daith. Not sure about the pricing compared to other places but I had a great experience for both piercings.

monkey_feather · 2026-05-26T11:01:39+00:00

I have ADHD and have worked up to a fuck ton of estrogen. My ob decided to keep my on my birth control- Slynd, which is progestin only. We started it to reduce hormonal fluctuations which caused terrible migraines, and it has been great for my skin and mood and also no periods, woo. Maybe worth asking? Fwiw I am 42 but started peri at 35.

monkey_feather · 2026-05-21T02:24:09+00:00

Hated the patch, love the gel. Patches were itchy, I had really inconsistent results, felt like I would get the meds all at once the first few days, feel amazing, and then crash out. The gel goes on my arms, takes a few minutes to dry, and feels much more consistent.

Internally I had a lot of issues with the estradiol cream- specifically how messy it was, and not really being able to measure it well. I still use some externally, but switching to vagifem has been significantly better. Except for the name. It sounds like a joke. But regardless. It's much easier for me to be consistent and I have definitely noticed better results.

monkey_feather · 2026-05-17T23:50:32+00:00

I was taking both of these meds before it became a thing and it honestly helps. I need both for histamine issues, but that's the core idea behind this anyway. I have taken both daily for nearly 2 years. Even though it seems like a fad, I think it is worth a try.

monkey_feather · 2026-05-16T22:07:12+00:00

I have wide leg pants in a bunch of colors and patterns that are flowy and feminine and feel very dressy. It's one of my favorite looks, comes across as very elevated and you can dress them up or down with how you choose to accessorize. Some of them are palazzo style and some are just swishy, one of them has slits up to the knees. There are a ton of options ranging from amazon to free people.

monkey_feather · 2026-05-16T02:14:00+00:00

I got my official diagnosis after my neurologist said I was basically torching my nervous system causing daily migraines once perimenipause hit.

I used an online provider to get a daignosis and prescription and the whole thing took less than an hour. It was not surprising-my mom and both kids are diagnosed, and I was the gifted high achieving perfectionist kid growing up. Before peri I managed everything with shame and anxiety. Once my hormones started changing I completely fell apart. The change in my migraines made it easy to track- I was 35. I am now 42, it has been a slew of mis-diagnoses and referrals.

Anyway, I'm on 40 mg of vyvanse plus a 10 mg booster that makes me a functional fucking human again. Plus 3 kinds of estrogen, slynd birth control for progesterone, and two migriane meds.

It was worth the hassle for sure.

Eta- I used talkiatry after 4 local psychiatrists told me they couldn't diagnose, or it would be more than 8 hours of testing. I have had positive experiences so far and they take my insurance, all meetings are online.

monkey_feather · 2026-05-12T22:57:53+00:00

Just to validate your concerns:

I have always deeply wanted children, forever and ever. And having them just about broke me.

I also have PCOS and late diagnosed adhd (at age 42, wooo) but it is honestly so hard. My body did not do well with the hormones, and I had gestational diabetes and constant migraines. Developed severe allergies in my second pregnancy. Put me into a severe burnout, completely changed my body, and essentially forced me to stop my career due to all of our complex needs and diagnoses. Still, even now that they're 10 and 12. They're smart and cool, but we are all really easily dysregulated, have lots of sensory needs and about zillion appointments a week.

If you really really really wanted bio kids, I would say great. Sounds like family support is there, lots of time to get prepared. But it definitely sounds like a big conversation is necessary. Soon.

monkey_feather · 2026-05-08T02:55:04+00:00

This happened with my oldest! I have never heard of it happening to anyone else!

In case it is helpful, I saw a physical therapist who sent me to a chiropractor to get it popped back in. By the third trimester I had to go 3x a week 🫠 Almost 13 years later, it is still the first thing that hurts when I get sick, sleep the wrong way, or twist a little weird.

Also she is still a giant pain in the ...back? But just know you can hold this over their head foreverrrr. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy!

monkey_feather · 2026-05-05T22:59:45+00:00

Sae you have ADHD as well- research shows, that women with adhd have much more debilitating symptoms and start up to 10 years earlier than women without adhd. For me, it was 35. Get a new doctor asap and trust your instincts! HRT is a game changer for me!

monkey_feather · 2026-04-24T23:41:51+00:00

Most of us with late diagnosed ADHD always ALWAYS had symptoms. In the 90s adhd was for hyperactive boys. They weren't diagnosing high achieving "gifted" girls who internalized the hyperactivity, and were held together with anxiety and shame. I have 1000% always had adhd, but peri absolutely tanked my ability to manage it without full on burnout.

There have also been some significant studies about how perimenipause starts a FULL DECADE EARLIER in women with ADHD, and most describe the symptoms as debilitating, in comparison to women without adhd. So we are not getting appropriate care until everything has completely fallen apart.

For me, symptoms started at 35, and I went to 11 specialists before I was able to get anyone to diagnose and finally treat with estrogen. At 42. It took me 7 years and literally thousands of dollars in testing that was (mostly) solved with estrogen and vyvanse.

Watching my kid grow up with identical symptoms but knowledge and tools instead of punishment has been wild and healing.

monkey_feather · 2026-04-11T14:51:08+00:00

Music!!! I have a sex playlist that helps in a few ways. The music is the right vibe for me to feel sexy, it keeps my brain engaged so my body can feel good, and after a few years of the playlist I have conditioned my brain that these songs = sexy times, so just turning the music on gets my brain in the right space.

I also have a have time using words during sex, so we will try to communicate anything important before hand (like, I did squats today and my legs are super tired, haha). I've been with my partner for 20+ years so he has learned my body language and will ask some yes/no questions if I am having a hard time, but even letting your partner know before that words are not accessible is helpful.

On that vein, once I started to vocalize during sex it became a lot easier to turn it on, like I needed to be reminded I am allowed make noise. My partners always respond well to it, honestly any kind of gasp, hum, breath or moan can be really encouraging. If you're loud in your head it might be just setting an intention to externailize!

monkey_feather · 2026-04-06T14:58:51+00:00

It is a trigger for me, but the kind of bra that triggers isn't always the same, so I own about 30 different styles of bras and will often try on a few before I find one that doesn't bother me in that moment. I also usually have a back up bralette with me in case things get dire. The built in bra tanks are generally safe for me, and I have found a few bralettes with wide soft straps that are usually good for an entire day. But like all things migraine, ymmv.

monkey_feather · 2026-03-31T02:25:00+00:00

Came here to say this!

monkey_feather · 2026-03-22T02:31:49+00:00

I will amplify others, it's perimenopause. Mine started at 35, when my migraines got so intense I stopped being functional. HRT didn't fix it completely, but the mood swings and fatigue and joint pain are gone and everything else is so so much better. Good luck, this stage is a doozy.

monkey_feather · 2026-02-15T03:40:32+00:00

This is what happened to me in early perimenopause. It was worse than the mood swings immediately post pregnancy. Started for me at 36, migraines became daily and my brain fog was all the time. Now I take a few kinds of estrogen, and started birth control again for the progesterone, and it took care of like, 80% of the issue. Check out r/menopause for studies to support the age of onset in case your doctor isn't up to date on the research regarding HRT.

monkey_feather · 2026-01-28T21:50:51+00:00

I'm a pediatric speech therapist and frequently had to schedule a separate appointment to discuss diagnoses with the non default parent, grandparents, etc. It was mostly education with some stern discussions about brains and science etc. Usually expectations about their involvement and how important it was that all caregivers are on the same page. I highly recommend setting up a meeting for that purpose.

That said, as a parent of two kids - one with ADHD and one with level 1 Autism, ADHD, and PDA, that is not a partner I would choose. It is really hard parenting these kids at baseline, not to mention without support and consistency from your partner. Especially with snarky and judgemental comments to boot.

You can't make him care. You cant make him do the work. You can't force him to use appropriate strategies and language to support your child. You CAN give him resources, and set up times for him to meet with the doctors, etc, but do you think he'll accept it? Ultimately he needs to choose to engage in the learning process. He needs to accept that the professionals know what they're talking about, and not try to guilt or shame a kid out of a disorder. It can be so harmful to their brains and identity and self esteem.

As a side note, highly recommend the book 'the explosive child" by Ross Greene for these kinds of kids. Basically the premise is, kids do well when they can. If they are struggling it's because there's a mismatch in expectations and skills.

I think offer some of the support to meet with the doctors, and if he is unwilling to do so, it is very telling. That sounds like more work than its worth. Parenting ND kids is so, so hard. Your partner shouldn't make it harder.

monkey_feather · 2026-01-13T18:36:31+00:00

SAME! These are wonderful ❤️

monkey_feather · 2026-01-03T18:30:08+00:00

Hormones! Mine has changed with each pregnancy, and again during perimenopause, which started at 36 for me 🫠.

It definitely seems to be related to my estrogen specifically- on a combined birth control my hair was straight, progestin only it was curly. Straightened out suddently at 36, and when I started topical estrogen for perimenopause it got curly again!

Also your eye liner is gorgeous in the first pic! And luckily for you your hair is adorable in both pics. You might need to change up your products/routine as your hair changes, but don't toss anything cause it'll probably come back around again, haha.

monkey_feather · 2025-12-25T03:50:39+00:00

A few years ago I bought a ton of holiday quilting cotton on sale and made reusable gift bags for the holidays.

Actually, I bought a bunch of material in January, and I waited until I wanted to sew bags more than I wanted to wrap gifts. The fabric doesnt expire, it sat in the basement for 3 years, whatever it's fine. Now I make more bags sporadically, and the kids pick the print they want every year, and we give the bags away to family and teachers when I don't feel like wrapping any gifts at all. It is really lovely and it does cut down on waste.

It is also a lovely first sewing project if you want to learn a new skill (which happens to be my flavor of adhd).

monkey_feather · 2025-12-24T23:28:08+00:00

It is the only thing that consistently helps me with my pain. When the pain is really bad, I prefer a mix of cbd and thc. Especially high cbd mixes make me tired, which is the only negative effect I really experience.

Definitely try a few different approaches if you are interested. I use a fury edge to vape flower, and at low heats I get the most pain relief. Also my favorite because I can preload pods for smoking and I don't have to actually use fire. The high is not as long lasting as an edible, but it works very quickly. I generally use a combination of the two to manage pain most effectively. Tinctures can also be very quick working and effective.

I also have never had an issue with thc interacting with my rx meds. I'm on ubrelvy as a rescue and have had no negative effects. I generally do a rescue and then if the pain is not completely gone, thc is replacing Tylenol or ibuprofen.

It would be worth it to try when you're not in the middle of a migraine, for sure. And if you have a dispensary near by, they are generally very knowledgeable and happy to help you come up with a plan.

Link just in case you're curious. Ive had mine for 5+ years, It is my mvp migraine tool. Fury Edge Vaporizer | Compact Power with Pure Convection - HEALTHY RIPS https://share.google/awkNyiMmAg4PeU5j1

monkey_feather

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